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Care?

Georgie_Georgie_ NoobPosts: 112 Settling in
edited December 2020 in Care Experienced Zone
Hi, sorry me again.

I just wondered if any of you had any ideas about this, sorry.

Lately things have been getting worse at home, I'm always being punished and when that doesn't help sometimes things can get physical and I get hurt. My parents say they're trying to get help for me, but trying to get me sectioned again, really isn't a good way to go about it. I had help for myself but they lied to me to stop it.
After a number of arguments and fights with my mother she's trying to get social services to "take me away" because apparently I'm too much to cope with and I'm tearing my family apart. In short, they just don't want me anymore. My cons outweigh my pros.
The other night, during the latest (proper) argument in which my dad joined in, I was told that because of me, my father is likely to die within the year as I'm causing too much strain on his heart. (He's has heart conditions which I've been told I'm aggravating).
Because of this, mum says Social Services can and will take me away, because I'm shortening my fathers life. I just wondered if anybody knew if this was true? Can they do this because of my dad?
I don't want to become a 'care kid', but don't get me wrong, I care about my dad and don't want to kill him, I'm just very unsure if they can "take me away" because of this. I don't mean to put my family through this, not at all. I just don't know if they can and it's not making things easier at home as I don't believe half of the things I'm told anymore.

Sorry about this,
Frankie.
Post edited by Mike on

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you are under 16 and your family ask for you to be taken into care voluntarily, unfortunately there's not much you can do. But (and I'm know I'm not in your position so I can't tell you what is or isn't right) it sounds like you need the extra help. I put myself into care when I was 15 because of my mental health issues and I'm not going to say it was all roses and lightness but it did help me get access to the help I needed and it gave me the space away from my family to breathe. It doesn't have to be forever, you could always go away for respite care rather than completely moving away.
  • Georgie_Georgie_ Noob Posts: 112 Settling in
    Hey MissR,

    Thanks for your reply, did some research and under our circumstances I can't get put into care as there's no danger as such as home, my parents just have to deal with me unless I do choose to. I've been considering it a lot lately with things getting worse but I don't want to make things harder for myself, right now I've got everything I could ever want, a family who care, friends and I've got a life. I don't want to have to restart it but it's something I'm considering I just don't want to regret it if I did, even if I only went away for a short time.

    Sorry for going on here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Absolutely no need to apologise frankieb, this is a safe place to talk and to get support so do keep posting :)

    It's clear that you really care about your family and it sounds like your mum is quite overwhelmed - it might be that she is feeling scared about your Dad being so poorly and looking for someone to blame and take out her anger on. This doesn't make it okay though. She's also probably worried about you too even if it doesn't feel like she's showing you that care at the moment. Perhaps she feels she has to be in control of it all and she doesn't know what to do for the best.

    How do you feel about your Dad at the moment? It must be hard for you as well *hug*

    Do try to remember that none of this is your fault. If you're getting physically hurt then there are people you can talk to for advice. You might like to think about contacting Womens Aid for some support - you can explore their 'what can I do' page for links and info about who you can talk to in confidence: http://www.thehideout.org.uk/over10/whatcanidoaboutit/default.aspa

    Can I ask what support you managed to get for yourself before? Is there perhaps another family member you could think about staying with a while if you wanted a break from what's happening at home? It's lovely to hear that you have good friends - do you have anyone close to you that you can talk to?

    Sorry for all the questions! You don't have to answer them all ;)

    Let us know how things are going *hug*
  • Georgie_Georgie_ Noob Posts: 112 Settling in
    I care about them more than anything but all I do now is cause them un-required grief and upset, I'm not surprised they want rid of me, I'm not worth this. I have my doubts about Dad, I know he's not too well, and hasn't been for a while and the vast amount of time he''s spent at the doctors speaks for itself but it doesn't seem real if this makes any sense? I'm sceptical if I was told the whole truth, if he is being honest I'm sure he would tell my brother and little sister, but I know they don't know, sister would have talked to me about it, anything that bothers her even slightly she comes to me about but she's said nothing.

    I seem to worry most people at the moment, and I know how concerned Mum is, just the other week she tried to get me sectioned. I know I'm effecting her health as well now, her depression seems to be getting worse. They're right when they said I shouldn't have been born, I'm not worth it. She feels out of control now, both Social Services and police safeguard have dropped us now, so she's unsure of what to do.

    I don't know how I feel about any of this any more, I think about things and everything just gets worse. We had a visitor this morning from a support project thingy (I'm not too sure!) about trying to get me some more support and when I was out of the room, Mum admitted that she's now worried for my safety as she thinks Dad is close to breaking point with me. If he's this pushed with me I can't even start to imagine what my Mum's going through now as Dad doesn't know much at all over my reasons. I'll take a look at that, thanks. :)

    I did have counselling online but Mum found out right at the start and I had to stop as she didn't approve although I'm back in the camhs system now. Kinda on my own right now but I'm hoping that will change after the visit this morning. :) Family wise, I'm on my own although I know I have a couple of friends who'd let me stay if I just asked, I honestly don't know where I'd be without them.

    Sorry about this, it's long but it kinda sorted out my thoughts a bit.

    Thanks *hugs*
    Frankie.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why have safeguarding and social services dropped you? Do you know? It sounds like there are a lot of people not actually tell you the truth. Have you asked them to be honest with you?
  • Georgie_Georgie_ Noob Posts: 112 Settling in
    Safeguarding are done because the police case has been dropped and Social were only involved as support whilst the case was open but as they've dropped it they've left me as well. It only bothers me as we're on our own so Mum's making life hell for me. I have asked to be told the truth but I either get more, new lies or get told to go away. It's like talking to a brick wall, they think I've no right to know the truth anymore. Sorry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So what did the woman from the support service say to you?
  • Georgie_Georgie_ Noob Posts: 112 Settling in
    She talked about what they do as a service and then came up with ways they could help, such as counselling whilst I'm in camhs and putting this (I can't remember what she called it) thing in place where we have meetings every 6 weeks or so with someone from everywhere I'm involved in as well as myself and parents to make sure we all know where things are heading so I keep getting support. She explained things like how it would help me and that kinda thing then helped us fill in the forms for it. Fingers crossed, we'll hear back on Thursday about it will then see what happens then. :)
  • Georgie_Georgie_ Noob Posts: 112 Settling in
    Been up all night stressing about the fact I've got to see camhs today. It's not something I can back out of but I'm really scared. Spending the night in hospital has never been one of my plans for a Friday night. I've ruined everything. I can't see why people are being so nice to me right now, I shouldn't even be here. People are going out of their way to be nice and I don't deserve it. I'm such a failure. I'm not surprised all my friends have turned against me, I'm horrible. I should have shown how grateful I was but now it's too late. In stuck here and they're there and won't talk to me. Even my family have had it with me. I hate this all, it's just not fair any more but here I am being selfish again, it's what's gotten me into this mess. People are trying to help and I just push them away, I don't even mean to but I just can't take people getting into my head, I've had some really close friends but as soon as they try to help me I push them away. I don't want to see them get hurt by me, I don't deserve to have friends. I just wish people could see that, so many people seem to like me and it makes no sense. Why would people want to be nice to someone as horrible as me? They shouldn't.

    I just give up now, people keep going out if their way to help me but then I do things like this, I've tried to explain things but it's impossible, nobody seems to want to believe me over my mother. Everybody just assumes what she says is right especially about me but then I get into trouble when I contradict her. It's so frustrating trying to re-explain things. I try from the start but they always have to ask Mum thing to confirm I'm telling the truth yet Mum has her own ideas over what she things is true and then it's those that are taken as true. I can't take this anymore.

    Sorry for this just needed to vent sorry :/sorry for this, needed to complain sorry :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you need to make it clear to CAMHS that you and your mother see things differently - doesn't mean one of you is telling the truth or one is lying, you just have different viewpoints. Have you seen them today yet?
  • Georgie_Georgie_ Noob Posts: 112 Settling in
    I have been trying but after last night nothing I say is believed. I think they know we see things differently just wish they'd listen to me instead of her. Haven't seen them yet, hospital need to call camhs then they'll be given a time. Can't even get out of seeing them, just want to be left alone. Sorry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No need to say sorry and I know you want to be left alone but they are coming to help you. You need to just be as open as you can with them x
  • Georgie_Georgie_ Noob Posts: 112 Settling in
    I got through it but I've just never lied so much before, they wouldn't let me go till I promised I wouldn't harm myself or do anything like this again, I hate myself. I wanted to go home so badly, couldn't even be honest that I was in pain. I don't know what I was thinking, and I regret that so much now, everything hurts but pain relief is out of the question, my own fault though, I deserve all that I get and the pain with it. Just wish I ecouldbturn back time, so much I'd change, seeing my family after this, I just hate myself so much, I was so selfish. :( I saw my friend when I got home and I told her why I was in and I can't get over how well she took it, she realised how much I was struggling to speak and was just like "text me" and then when I did she just called me an idiot an just let me cry. I don't know where I'd be without her, but I know it's not here. People shoudnt be nice to me, I don't deserve it. So many people have sent me messages just to see how i am now but I don't deserve people who care. The lady from camhs is coming back this week to check in and bring things so I have access to support and so I get help, but I'm just scared. The idea of people knowing what I'm thinking really scares me, I know I should accept the help I've now got access to but I'm scared, I don't want to let people inside my mind, I don't even want to the there anymore..

    Sorry for this.. Really should stop going on, just wasting people time.. Sorry for ranting again :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You really really need to start being honest with people about how you feel - why do feel you have to lie?
  • JamesJames Posts: 1,706 Community Manager
    Hey Frankie. As MissRiot said, there's no need to apologise. This is clearly a scary time for you, so it's actually great that you have the courage to tell us what's going on :)
    frankieb wrote: »
    The idea of people knowing what I'm thinking really scares me

    Letting someone inside our mind can be terrifying. In many ways, our mind is the most personal thing we have, so I understand why you're scared about people knowing what you're thinking. But not letting anyone in means that we have to deal with all our thoughts alone, which can be really hard. Does that sound like what's going on for you?

    You said that the lady from CAMHS is coming this week. Maybe that would be a good chance to take a risk and try and tell her what's really going on inside your head? It sounds like you're scared that she'll judge you, but I really don't think she will.

    It's great that your friend is being so amazing! It might not feel like it, but you do deserve support and it's not selfish to ask for help.

    Let us know how it goes :)
  • Georgie_Georgie_ Noob Posts: 112 Settling in
    I know it's probably hard to believe but I don't like never mind enjoy lying to everybody, I just can't bare to put them through any more. I've torn my family apart and I don't want to push them any further. Right now I just need to protect them.

    You're pretty much there with the letting people in. I tried before but I'm done with being told I'm too young to have these kind of thoughts never mind acting on them etc. I've had to deal with everything alone for so long, it's hard telling people. Verbal conversations have always been a weakness of mine and now it's just even worse but is embarrassing having to write because the words just won't come out.

    She came and I tried to be honest, I just couldn't admit to the "big things" as Mum was in the room, although without me saying it I'm pretty sure she knows what I'm feeling. I spoke to her for a little bit on my own and I said enough to hopefully not worry her too much, if I worry her too much I'll have to go back into hospital and I really don't want that. Apparently silence says more than words.

    I really don't deserve people being nice to me, I've ruined so many peoples lives. I should have kept quiet that way at least with me gone nobody else would get hurt. My family would get over me quickly, there's hardly much worth missing or being sad over. It's her as a friend who made me put things off for as long as I did, I'm pretty sure she'd miss me more than my family would..

    Sorry for this. :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Care?

    I hate to say this Frankie, but you're probably putting your family through more difficulties by not being honest with the people that are there to help you. You can always ask for a completely private chat with them. Your mum doesn't need to be present. might that help?
  • Georgie_Georgie_ Noob Posts: 112 Settling in
    It would help but right from the start of all this I was told until my birthday (which is now only a month away) she would have to be with me for age requirements (which I'm pretty sure aren't true but there's nothing I can do). Until I'm allowed to do it alone I can't be honest and I know it doesn't help but it's really difficult to talk with then in, I made it clear I can't but nothing can be don't till my birthday. Sorry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was 10 when I first had my mental health appointments without someone present so if you're in the UK no she doesn't need to be, but I think by the sounds of it she wants to be. But you are still allowed to tell her or the professionals that deal with you want to have appointments alone
  • Georgie_Georgie_ Noob Posts: 112 Settling in
    I'll bring that up next time, hoping it'll make things easier, thanks. :)
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