Moving to a new town vs trying to make it home

Former Member

I moved out of London 3 years ago to be closer to my (then) boyfriend and to help my mental health which was suffering due to being constantly harassed by a neighbour. I'd never lived in this county before and it had a fair few shared friends with my now ex. 6 months after I moved up here me and my then boyfriend split up and all the friends I thought I had vanished. I moved to a new town and my (then) best friend moved in. It turned out she was a manipulative little cretin whole stole from me and almost destroyed the relationship between me and my
Mum. I was back at college and slowly getting more and more physically unwell, I didn't make any friends at college. I've since had another failed relationship and another disastrous friendship, and I keep trying to make friends in this town but so many people keep telling me it's very unfriendly here and people are very stuck up (I live in a famous spa town synonymous with expensive educations and horse racing). It's also really hard for me to get around as very few buildings are accessible with my wheelchair. I've only been living in my current house nearly a year but I'm already wondering if I'm better to bide my time until I can do a council house exchange to a town or city nearer my best friend/family/possible PhD positions or if I should be doing more to make friends. I've joined community organisations, I've tried to
Join groups but I'm struggling to make any headway.

Any advice would be helpful!

Former Member

Hey there Miss Riot
Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time in your new town but it is great that you have joined community organisations and other groups. Stick at them and hopefully you will meet more people.
Have you looked into volunteering? I know that's a great way of meeting people. You can search for opportunities at www.do-it.org.uk.
You can still pursue a house exchange to move closer to your family/friends, but in the meantime keep doing the things you are doing in your current town to meet new people - I'm sure things will improve with a bit of time.

Former Member

Hi L1ttleone - I've been in this town for nearly 2 years - and I've been part of a couple of community groups for nearly a year and I've not gotten anywhere. I keep my eye out for new groups but more often than not they're held in totally inaccessible places. My concern is that it was so difficult to set up here - trying to get social services sorted and settling in here took every waking moment of the first 6 months or so of living here and I'm not sure I have the energy to do it all over again but I don't know how I can keep going here.

I can't be reliable to be somewhere at a certain time with my health. And I'm not sure I have much else to offer anyone.

I'm not sure if I can exchange before I've been here for more than 3 years. I only get my secure tenancy (after my first year) in March.

Former Member

I've moved around a fair bit - and looking back if there's anything I regret slightly then it's not taking the attitude that my current area is my home and getting into things there. I found it easier as a mindset to assume I wasn't going to be there long so there wasn't much point in making an effort/getting into a mindset of having to make that location work because the plan was to move.

Think I'd suggest working on making the current area work for you as best you can - even if you're looking at moving.

Former Member

I'm going to be staying here for a while longer anyway as I'm not sure I can transfer yet anyway. I'm just sick of being this lonely - my mum has been getting involved with some more community groups so they might go somewhere. I just feel so far from my best friend - she's only an hour and a half away in the car but I only get to see her once every 3-6 months. I'm really unsure what i can do to fix the situation, I'm doing as much as I can to get myself out and about but when I've got naff all energy is really hard.

Former Member

Miss_Riot wrote: »

I'm going to be staying here for a while longer anyway as I'm not sure I can transfer yet anyway. I'm just sick of being this lonely - my mum has been getting involved with some more community groups so they might go somewhere. I just feel so far from my best friend - she's only an hour and a half away in the car but I only get to see her once every 3-6 months. I'm really unsure what i can do to fix the situation, I'm doing as much as I can to get myself out and about but when I've got naff all energy is really hard.

Do you and your friend video skype? It can be a great way to feel connected and close even when you're far away - just a thought!

Former Member

No we don't - she doesn't often have much time free or a working computer at the moment, so its mainly texts when and if she has time. But we get to talk most weeks. I guess all of this isn't helped by the fact i've spent two weeks in sheffield and really loved it