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Does it get easier?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Just had a massive row with my mum that started over something as simple as me not knowing how to fill in an online application form for a job (never been successful so I don't know what I'm meant to be doing). It started off quite basically over me being honest about prior commitments which I can't put aside (especially not now) and then it led on to me saying how I feel about being part of this family and how I don't fit in and how I feel about the things I mentioned in my previous post ("I don't think they care.") and she tried flipping it on it's head implying I had experienced everything incorrectly and what I thought had occurred was pure fiction.

I really don't know what I should do.. I'm just kind of sat here, motionless staring at the screen as it'll tell me what to do whilst a few tears roll down my face.. :nervous:


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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hey meagain,
    I'm sorry to see how upset you were feeling on Friday, how has the rest of your weekend been? Were you able to complete the application form?

    It sounds like you've been feeling anxious around your family for some time and that you maybe feel they don't care about you? Have I understood correctly? Sometimes when parents mean well, they can come across as strict or even a bit cold. That doesn't necessarily mean they don't have your best interests at heart - it may mean they don't know the best way to help you move forward and so are falling back on a tough love approach. Being told that your perception is fiction doesn't help matters, it sounds like it made you feel even less able to communicate and even more isolated.

    We've got a live chat about conflict on TheSite.org next Thursday, do you think you might like to come along? The thread about it is in the live chat announcements forum.

    There may be more you want to tell us here too. I get the impression you've told us the most recent detail, but it would be good to know more about your home life - do you have any siblings? (apologies if this has been mentioned in another thread - I did read back over your last few threads, but not all of them) and is there much routine in the house (e.g. do you do things together as a family at all?)

    Take care and do keep us posted.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rest of the weekend wasn't bad had girlfriend over since yesterday evening, so I've had an excuse to not be with family and we went round to my neighbour's and chilled for a bit having a laugh with him and his girlfriend and the odd round of Bananagrams. After we got back we watched a film and my girlfriend was out like a light before it finished so I left her to sleep and I went to be social with others in the house, my parents were genuinely nice and spoke to me as almost an equal (which I believe is due to the dad of the neighbour I mentioned earlier being in the same room) so everything went well, barely seen my parents all day as they went out and I was caring for my girlfriend as she was feeling really ill all day so we had a lazy day, with DVDs and chocolate. Since girlfriend left (about an hour or so ago) everything has returned to normal, got yelled at by my Dad for spending all day with her in a in one room (the one she slept in night before) and he wouldn't listen to actual events that happened as his view of what he thinks was happening all day is law because obviously I can't be right.

    Yeah I managed the application should here back within a fortnight if they want me, kinda bricking it over that.

    Tbh you've understood perfectly, especially the "it made you feel even less able to communicate and even more isolated." part, complete opposite of what my mum screeched at me on Friday as she 'said' it was me isolating myself and that causes tension between all of the family. I'm going to try and make it to the live chat if I can. And, yes, I have a sister in year 10 who believes same as my parents in the fact of Jack is never right, we are. With things as they are at the moment I try to avoid them a bit but its basically just meals and then after tea they all watch Telly, while I just sit alone in my room often playing games to escape this 'family'.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know how difficult it is clashing with your parents at home and I just wanted to send support. Do you have any hobbies or anywhere you volunteer so when things are shitty you have something to do/focus on?

    I also wanted to link you up to some advice that's on here about writing CV's and job applications so hopefully you can feel more confident about it :thumb:

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I do Tae Kwon Do twice a week and teach it too, to under 14s before one of my lessons. And of course video games to take myself out of the real world and into a world where I feel I matter. Most important person to me is my girlfriend, only person than that makes me feel genuinely wanted and important in the world I live.

    Thanks for the links I'll be sure to check them out B-A
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello Meagain :)

    Family conflict is not good. Believe me you are not alone and a lot of people would probably agree with me :) Before I moved out I clashed a lot with my family particularly in teenage years.

    Being a teenager is a pain at times because its the time when you want to go out and see your friends, have money and be free to do what you want, but finding a job seems to be difficult because of the amount of applicants people give in these days. You'll hear a lot about jobs being hard to get, but don't let being pessimistic hold you back. Think positive and positive things will happen. (Personal experience :) )

    Maybe in the mean time you could volunteer somewhere. When I was younger I was never fond of the idea, but it does lead to great opportunities and you'll be doing something that will make your parents proud.

    What you need to do is have a good and reasonable talk with your family about how you feel and what you can compromise on in order to get along again. They honestly care about you, but you need to understand each others point of views as well :)

    Maybe when your girlfriend comes round next time, instead of going straight to your bedroom, you could both have a general chit chat with your family before doing so :)

    Good luck and hope everything goes well :)

    R xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Seriously all of you, thanks :) it's really weird to not be alone, I feel I never will fully believe in myself it's just who I am, but all the stuff with family has made me feel quite a bit more stable mentally over the whole situation.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just to keep you all informed, my application was unsuccessful, which adds another to the tally :/
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