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Miss being in a relationship

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Yes, I am single, have been for the last 4 years.

My last relationship was with an old work colleague which lasted 6 months. It wasn't a bad split, we just realised that we just didn't work in a relationship but were great as friends - which we still are!

Due to my disability, Multiple Sclerosis, I've had to take early retirement from my job. I have now been retired for 3 years and my social life which was largely based around work colleagues has all but disappeared.

My MS has progressed too, I now have to use an electric scooter to get out and about. I can still walk, albeit very slowly, but have to use crutches or hold onto doors/chairs/stationary objects to stop me from losing my balance.

I am a genuinely nice guy but just can't seem to find any girls willing to give me a chance. I feel I'm judged just because I'm in an electric scooter. Although I'm good looking, have very high self-esteem and a positive, outgoing nature, I'm just not having any success with the ladies!

Any/all suggestions welcome!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The advice I've heard time and time again is stop looking. There's a temptation when you're in a relationship to let that dominate your life, then when it's gone it naturally feels empty. Find other things to do, maybe after a while you'll wonder how you ever had time for a relationship. Then you never know when someone might appear who's interested in you!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As someone else who has to use a wheelchair and has used a scooter in the past, it's really hard because I find that I either get pity or used. There are good people out there who you'll probably find when you least expect it, but online dating can provide some help. I've found two long term partners with it but right now I've just found it very frustrating! I think it's additionally difficult when you can't be out clubbing or working or having as active a social life as others because of your illness. I've found it really hard!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there RaraAvis,

    As Miss_Riot says, it's not easy *hug* Must be hard to meet people, especially if you are not working anymore. You might have thought about this before, but would you be able to join any groups or do some volunteering occasionally? It's always good to see what's out there and you might meet people who share similar interests?

    Have you tried online dating as Miss_Riot is suggesting? This could be a good way to meet new people :yes:
    Have a look at our article on dating and disability, which could help.

    It's really nice to see your positive attitude and your confidence though - this will take you a long way, keep believing in yourself!!

    Let us know how you get on :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for your replies Christelle, Miss_Riot and krng!

    I do volunteer work for a charity (www.shift.ms) but it's a small charity and all the work I do is web based which I do at home, so there's not really any social interaction other than by email!

    Having enrolled for a beginners Spanish course at Uni, my first class was yesterday evening and it was great to be amongst fellow classmates! I'm also a huge football fan and as a season ticket holder I attend matches regularly, both home and away, which has led to many friendships being made.

    I have tried online dating previously and was on MySingleFriend.co.uk about 5 years ago when I was still working and walking with 2 walking sticks. My profile and mugshots proved popular and I received loads of messages from interested ladies. I met up with them all and all but one weren't intimidated by my walking sticks/MS. I became friends with the one lady who didn't judge me and didn't hear again from any of the others. I consoled myself that the ladies that rejected me weren't very open minded and to an extent, shallow even! In all honesty, I know I should have touched on the subject of my MS but didn't for fear of being judged without having a chance to have my say.

    How did you approach the subject of your wheelchair Miss_Riot? I'm keen to know as I will try something similar should I go down the online dating route again.

    I'm very able to put a positive spin on anything and everything regardless of how bad/negative things may seem. I guess that's just down to my strong mentality and my general positivity. I'm not one to dwell on my disability or how my legs don't listen to me. My focus is on what I can do and how grateful I am for it. At the end of the day, I can see, hear, talk and think for myself and have a huge sense of perspective so am very aware things could be so much worse!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It often starts with the whole - what's your job question. I don't work due to my illness so I say that and often I get asked how I cope with my condition and I say how I use wheelchairs and stuff then, otherwise I just mention it before we meet in a fairly casual way.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok, that's fine but what do you say in your online dating profile?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't meantion it on my profile, I just tell people once I'm talking to them. People don't pass you by that way.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Miss_Riot!

    So, let's give this online dating lark another go! :wave:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wish you luck on finding a lovely partner! And don't settle for second best!
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