Struggling with dad

Former Member

Hi,

I'm unsure if this is even in the right place but I need to like get it out. As some may know I care for my dad. The past few months he's gotten worse, the only way I can really describe it is like having a child aged 2/3 in the house again. I can't cope with it. Don' t get me wrong I love me dad, but ever sence me older brother moved away it's gotten worse. At the moment I'm trying to hold down 2 jobs to support the family, while going to collage during the week, while caring for my dad and looking out for my younger sisters.

I find myself telling me dad that he can't do that it's dangerous our at the moment he's going through this thing where everything is his...At the moment we have found ourselfs keeping him indoors 24/7 yea it's not the right idea but if he goes out goodness know's what will happen.

The worse me dad gets the harder I'm finding it to do anything, like I've found myself going back to self harming again and not speaking to anyone. I just can't cope and no one appears to understand. No one has noticed the difference, no one can see how much I'm struggling. I can't tell them myself cause I can't open up.. I guess it's just all me own fault.

I'm trying to do what's best for everyone including me dad but it just feels like I'm fighting a losing battle... I just don't know what to do anymore

Sorry if this makes no scene it's all flying around my head. Sorry for posting here. Sorry

Former Member

Hi there,
It sounds like you're having a hard time looking after your dad and putting too much pressure on yourself. It's not your fault this has happened and it sounds like your doing a great job so far.

Is there anyone you can talk to either at work or perhaps a friend or another family member. Try and talk to someone and perhaps seek professional help. This way you'll know that your dad is being look after properly and it will take the pressure off of you.

Also, remember to find find time for yourself and look after yourself. The healthier and happier you are the easier it will be to look after your dad.

I think the best thing to do is either talk to a teacher at college or someone in work and tell them how you're feeling and and let it out and try to find some professional help, I think that would be for the best.

Hope things go ok,
Jess x

Former Member

Hi there,

Thanks for your answer.

We have had countless amout's of doctors coming in to both of us, none have been able to help. Last night had to be one of the worst he's had in a long time. Was full of the same dream that get's worse each time.

Looking after me dad there is no time for meself, and between working to, it's hard to even get that time. Collage know about me dad and what I do but, that's it

Former Member

Have you had a carers assessment from social services? Your dad is also entitled to an assessment to see if he can get any help. (someone to take him out, someone to come in and do personal care, etc)

Former Member

We have had a carers assessment, they said his need's wernt high enough for any help. They are aware that he has gotten worse. His memory in general is getting worse, day's he can't remember who I am, then trying to explain to him that he's got 3 girls and a son over in Scotland.. it's heartbreaking. I wish it was me not him, he don't deserve the pain.. I do. He has two beautiful little girls who look up to him, it's not fair on them to see dad going though this. I'd rather it was me not him... Is that normal?

Former Member

If his needs have changed, you need to ask for another one.

Georgie_

Hey Suzy,

I know I've not been in your situation but wishing it was you is totally normal. In a way you've reversed roles, your playing the parent and any parent worth their weight doesn't want to see the person they care for in pain or discomfort and they'd take it themselves if they could. It just shows how much you do care.

sorry I couldn't help much, just remember you're not alone *hugs*
Frankie