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So my life is a mess....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I was with my ex for 7 years maybe 4-5 years into the relationship me became abusive and controlling. We would go out for drinks sometimes with friends - I would end up hammered I only ever asked for singles but I ended up with doubles and possibly spiked drinks. I would be out of it, then so sick for days. He also did not want me to go to university, I wanted to be a nurse he was like well then im coming as well as we can live together. Luckily that did not happen. Any way one day I just had enough said I had to go packed my stuff and left. (I was meant to be staying the weekend).

After a few months I met my current boyfriend and he is like the most perfect man ever, I told him snippets of my past but im also very stressed at work (nursing is hard) this all combined with a new work colleague that looks like my ex has made me have a little freak out. my boyfriend said he can't deal and told me to get help and he can't see me.

I feel work is the more stressful thing but I may as well sort this out as it's reared it ugly head.

I don't have any friends was bullied terribly at school and I spent all my time with my ex so I never really got chance to make new ones. I'm now heading for 30 living alone no boyfriend and only tropical fish for company.

Any ideas out there?

sorry for the rant.

Comments

  • JamesJames Posts: 1,706 Community Manager
    Hey Wotsit,

    No need to apologise for ranting! We all need to vent sometimes, and this is the perfect place to do it ;)

    It's understandable that you're feeling quite stressed - nursing has a reputation for being pretty intense and working with someone who constantly reminds you of your abusive ex must bring back a lot of unpleasant memories and feelings too.

    I think it's worth saying that leaving your ex after 7 years can't have been easy, despite his controlling and abusive behaviour. It must have taken real strength, so that's something to be really proud of.

    Your current(?) boyfriend thought that you should get help. Have you tried to find some kind of support (apart from coming here)? A lot of people find talking things through can really help process thoughts and feelings. Have you been able to talk to anyone about what happened with your ex? If you think it'd be helpful, you're welcome to do so here :)

    You said that you don't have any friends. Not having that kind of support network has to feel pretty isolating. I'm guessing that work feels pretty all-consuming right now, so I wonder if trying to build a life outside of work and your boyfriend might help? Do you have any hobbies or interests for example?

    Let us know how you're doing :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So I am officially single which really sucks.

    TBH this hurts more than my ex I seem to have blocked out most of it, I can hardly remember most of it, only snippets remain and it takes a trigger to bring it back to my concious.

    Im also on night shifts so sleeping crap makes me even more emotional. Hopefully I will find lots of work to do to keep me occupied for my next 3 nights.

    Any way he says he still wants to be friends we will meet up for food one day not sure when, he says he still wants to see me go out the motorbikes together and bbqs he promised to take me to the harry potter studio tour which he has promised for the last 2 years.

    It's just hard to picture my life alone. Not sure about meeting any body, I feel that im too damaged for anyone now.

    I found a meet up group to meet new people in your area because I recently moved to the area, so hopefully it will be something to distract me from being lonely. I'm also going to join my local leisure centre for swimming might as well get some body confidence while im at it.

    My ward sister is referring me to occupational health to get some help, my GP is new so I don't really know them or trust them.

    Geez what a waffle.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey wotsit,

    I'm sorry to hear that you and your most recent boyfriend have now broken up, I know there isn't anything I can say to make you feel a little better, I just wanted to offer you hugs *hug*

    I was wondering how you feel about staying friends with this guy? you say he wants to be friends, he wants to go out on the motorbikes, he has promised to take you to the Harry Potter studios, but what do you want? Do you want to be friends, do you want to do all of this stuff with him, without being a couple? If not then that's absolutely okay so don't be afraid to tell him this - equally, if you do then that's also absolutely okay too. You need to do what you feel is right for you though. You say this break-up hurts more, so I was just wondering if seeing him so much will help you to get over him? I will point out again though, this is completely your decision so you do whatever feels right for you.

    You're not 'damaged' at all so please try not to think that. Whatever happens in life helps you to be the person you are, so even though all these things that have happened and are happening to you are awful and hurting you so much emotionally, they will bring out qualities you never realised you had, these things will make you a stronger person in life, these things make you unique and one day you will meet someone. This won't happen overnight, you will most likely meet someone when you least expect it.

    It's great to hear you've found a local group to meet new people and that you're going to start swimming, I really hope these help.

    I think you're really brave, you're going through a lot and you're reaching out for help on here which is amazing, and you're trying your hardest to keep yourself busy even though that probably isn't the easiest thing to do with everything that has happened.

    It's great to hear that you're being referred to occupational health, I hope you get the help you deserve.

    Keep us posted *hug*
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