Alcoholism?

Former Member

I have used alcohol for a long time to deal with any emotional turmoil I have been going through at whatever given time that may be, because recently I've been going down a path of self destruction and have more or less been trying to drink myself to death. Recently, I was drinking excessively and frequently, and the amount I drank and how frequently I drank depended on how shit I had been feeling (whether that's isolation, anger, depressed...)

This has led myself, and many others to the conclusion that I am an alcoholic. That, of course, all the emotions I have been experiencing (the depression, the anger, the suicidal ideation) is all due to the alcohol I am drinking. However, I have found that I have days, even weeks, where I have no desire to drink at all. I may be feeling shitty, but it feels like a more manageable shitty so I don't drink. Indeed, during new year's festivities yesterday, there were people drinking around me, but I didn't really feel the need to drink while around them. I was offered a pear cider, which I drank, and to be honest, I didn't get any particular exhilaration or joy from it like I would if I was depressed and feeling I needed it. It was simply a drink, like drinking a lemonade.

So my question is... am I an alcoholic when the need to drink alcohol is fleeting and sometimes non-existent? And could my emotions still simply all be caused by the drink?

It seems strange to me to think I have an addiction to something, and not feel the need to go after it all the time and I wouldn't mind if any one who has had experience of this would mind clearing this up?

Former Member

Sorry I don't know the answer to your question as such, but either way you certainly have some issues around alcohol which you might need to resolve.

Have you discussed this with anyone like your GP? They might be able to give you better advice on what help and support you need and answer some of the questions you have with more certainty?

I understand the appeal of masking difficult feelings with self-destructive behaviours but that is all it does- mask/block them and once you sober up you will eventually have to deal with these emotions. Perhaps if you processed and dealt with them in a healthy way originally instead of masking them in the short term with alcohol you could finally let go of them? Otherwise you get into a cycle of 'feel bad' --> 'drink to mask' --> 'sober up and feelings return' --> 'drink again' whereas what might be better is 'feel bad' --> 'stay with the feeling/get help for causes of bad feelings' --> 'process emotion properly so it doesn't return over and over'.

Sorry if that isn't helpful- I just think sometimes identifying the cycles of behaviours and where they lead can be helpful. I know in the short term you want that release from the bad feelings but it is about weighing up the short term benefits of drinking with the long term benefits of not drinking.

Former Member

The GP is under the impression it is alcoholism, but again, I'm not sure if this means I'm in denial or if it is alcoholism.

It's ever since I had a psych assessment whereby they told me I was manipulative, barbaric, unwilling to change etc which seems to have snapped the need to drink so much. I've stopped focusing on my shitty feelings so much and have instead become incredibly angry at the mental health services. I still get days where I feel really low but my anger outweighs it so I haven't relapsed. I'm not sure if this is a healthy way to overcome drinking issues?

I guess it is effective in the sense that now I'm trying to focus on other things: getting into volunteer work, getting more actively involved in social movements, looking into pre-medicine courses (not so that I can work in the NHS but so I can go abroad and aid people in war zones, third world countries etc).

I have a doctors appointment so I many get another sick line as I still feel unable to work at the moment/uncertain how I'd react to getting back into work (I've been unable to hold a job down for 2 years due to how I've been feeling) so I'm not sure if getting into work is the best bet yet. I will discuss it with my GP any way because if it's not a physical dependency does that not mean I can eventually drink again once the emotional aspect is under control?

Thanks for your response any way.