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Getting the girl i have been seeing to "Feel It"
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been seeing this Polish girl for several months now, i first laid eyes on her in a coffee shop last November and eventually asked for her number when i was buying a coffee. She was surprised, said she had a boyfriend, but that i could write my number for her. There was just something from looking at her that made me think i like the look of this girl, i want to get to know her.
With her having a boyfriend i had to just accept that. I met up with another girl shortly after and for the first month or two of this year. However when that failed, eventually and after not hearing from the Polish girl, i got in touch with her on facebook as i had no other means, we started talking and the first time we met, we went for a walk in the woods, it has developed ever since roughly August and started to become more frequent that we meet up, she is a uni student and her diary is very busy, she is in her final year. We have met up countless times, i cannot think how many times off the top of my head, but have watched many films together at mine, and things started to become nice and close, like me giving her leg massages and cooking for her, and one night we ended up going to my bed, she stopped the night and we had sex.
Around this sort of time, we would be kissing a lot. It was after the sex that she told me that she didn't feel she enjoyed it as much as she could have done and that i would have to listen to her and learn from it, that was okay with me. After this though things seemed to take a bit of a drop, she stopped being receptive to kissing, and we have met up a lot since the sex and had some really intimate times together still. But she was saying that she doesn't feel it like i do, and that she doesn't understand how i like her soo much.
We went on a date to the cinema a fortnight ago today and afterwards we had a talk and she said just to be friends as she didn't feel the same way. I was very upset in front of her, she was really caring for me and asked me if i was okay the following day, and said i'm a really nice guy, she did text me afterwards to say she was not attracted to me. I had to accept this, but didn't fully understand given all the time we had spent and what we had done.
I ended up this weekend just gone asking if we could talk, and that i would like to see her.. she agreed and on sunday we met up at mine, we cooked together and it felt good to be together after a week had passed, i then sat with her on the sofa and properly spilled my entire feelings towards her and asked for a hug, i was very upset.. she told me that remember what she had said about just being friends.. anyway i kept telling her how she meant to me, and how i grown to really like her lots and she asked "And you really want this do you?", it was like she was considering it.. I told her definitely, and i wanted more time to get to know her.
After i had said what i had to say, it was raining so offered her a lift home which she accepted, but before we left my place i gave her a xmas card i had made up beforehand and she was overjoyed, she was so happy and wanted to open it there and then, i said to her to open it at home. I then took her by the arm and walked her to my car, opened the door for her, and shut the door for her and then drove her to hers.. It felt really nice.
I got a really nice text from her afterwards. Thanking me for the nice food and xmas card, and that maybe she should stop thinking and just try things with me. But she didn't know for sure as this whole situation was new to her and she says she doesn't know what to think about it. She says she doesn't think she is special but that it's really nice to know she makes me feel so good. This gave me a lot of hope, but i tried to remain realistic.
I did reply saying that it was my pleasure and asking if we could fit something in this week, i didn't get a response and still hadn't by the next day so sent her another text telling her i have a lot of positive thoughts about her, and that i like making her smile and it's something i want more opportunity to do. And that i hoped this was enough to make her try it. Her response tuesday evening was to say that the messages were a pleasure to read. and that she is busy his week and then xmas eve working and then enjoying some free time. This didn't really answer my question about how she felt about trying things or meeting up so i rang her and she was busy with uni work, but we talked and she made me feel better for ringing her, though she didn't have the answers really, nothing sounded a no go, just that she was busy at the time.
This was the last contact with her.. I relise that i probably need to give her some space, it's just going to take so much effort on my part and there are times when i am going to want to be thinking about what to do next and doubting why the communication has stopped and try to get it going again. I guess i would appreciate any advise anyone could offer, i live in a small town so there really isn't many new girls to meet and none that make this sort of impression on me. I remain positive that we will meet again, I just want to approach this with a means of getting to know her more and getting into a romantic/sexual stage again with her, when i phone her she said she hadn't had time to think about it yet.. and that we will see, and that "don't stress". I just wanted to vent this, usually when looking for advise things are not going 100%, i just hope there is more to come with her. Thanks for listening and any advice would be appreciated.
With her having a boyfriend i had to just accept that. I met up with another girl shortly after and for the first month or two of this year. However when that failed, eventually and after not hearing from the Polish girl, i got in touch with her on facebook as i had no other means, we started talking and the first time we met, we went for a walk in the woods, it has developed ever since roughly August and started to become more frequent that we meet up, she is a uni student and her diary is very busy, she is in her final year. We have met up countless times, i cannot think how many times off the top of my head, but have watched many films together at mine, and things started to become nice and close, like me giving her leg massages and cooking for her, and one night we ended up going to my bed, she stopped the night and we had sex.
Around this sort of time, we would be kissing a lot. It was after the sex that she told me that she didn't feel she enjoyed it as much as she could have done and that i would have to listen to her and learn from it, that was okay with me. After this though things seemed to take a bit of a drop, she stopped being receptive to kissing, and we have met up a lot since the sex and had some really intimate times together still. But she was saying that she doesn't feel it like i do, and that she doesn't understand how i like her soo much.
We went on a date to the cinema a fortnight ago today and afterwards we had a talk and she said just to be friends as she didn't feel the same way. I was very upset in front of her, she was really caring for me and asked me if i was okay the following day, and said i'm a really nice guy, she did text me afterwards to say she was not attracted to me. I had to accept this, but didn't fully understand given all the time we had spent and what we had done.
I ended up this weekend just gone asking if we could talk, and that i would like to see her.. she agreed and on sunday we met up at mine, we cooked together and it felt good to be together after a week had passed, i then sat with her on the sofa and properly spilled my entire feelings towards her and asked for a hug, i was very upset.. she told me that remember what she had said about just being friends.. anyway i kept telling her how she meant to me, and how i grown to really like her lots and she asked "And you really want this do you?", it was like she was considering it.. I told her definitely, and i wanted more time to get to know her.
After i had said what i had to say, it was raining so offered her a lift home which she accepted, but before we left my place i gave her a xmas card i had made up beforehand and she was overjoyed, she was so happy and wanted to open it there and then, i said to her to open it at home. I then took her by the arm and walked her to my car, opened the door for her, and shut the door for her and then drove her to hers.. It felt really nice.
I got a really nice text from her afterwards. Thanking me for the nice food and xmas card, and that maybe she should stop thinking and just try things with me. But she didn't know for sure as this whole situation was new to her and she says she doesn't know what to think about it. She says she doesn't think she is special but that it's really nice to know she makes me feel so good. This gave me a lot of hope, but i tried to remain realistic.
I did reply saying that it was my pleasure and asking if we could fit something in this week, i didn't get a response and still hadn't by the next day so sent her another text telling her i have a lot of positive thoughts about her, and that i like making her smile and it's something i want more opportunity to do. And that i hoped this was enough to make her try it. Her response tuesday evening was to say that the messages were a pleasure to read. and that she is busy his week and then xmas eve working and then enjoying some free time. This didn't really answer my question about how she felt about trying things or meeting up so i rang her and she was busy with uni work, but we talked and she made me feel better for ringing her, though she didn't have the answers really, nothing sounded a no go, just that she was busy at the time.
This was the last contact with her.. I relise that i probably need to give her some space, it's just going to take so much effort on my part and there are times when i am going to want to be thinking about what to do next and doubting why the communication has stopped and try to get it going again. I guess i would appreciate any advise anyone could offer, i live in a small town so there really isn't many new girls to meet and none that make this sort of impression on me. I remain positive that we will meet again, I just want to approach this with a means of getting to know her more and getting into a romantic/sexual stage again with her, when i phone her she said she hadn't had time to think about it yet.. and that we will see, and that "don't stress". I just wanted to vent this, usually when looking for advise things are not going 100%, i just hope there is more to come with her. Thanks for listening and any advice would be appreciated.
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Comments
You're just going to get hurt in the end. You're putting so much time into something that I believe is just one way, and I don't think things are going to work out. The longer you carry this on for, the more it will hurt. You'll meet that special person one day.
*hug*
We all have been there, and didn't want to have it that way, but you can't force it, man. I didn't listen to my inner voice and the advice I have gotten from friends and tried many times more. You just get more and more desperate and it hurts more and more. Just imagine you see her in town with her new boyfriend hand in hand? The ball is in her park and will probably remain there. Move on.
It's all to do with the text she sent after i told her all my feelings on Sunday, it may have been sympathy, although at first she sticked to her guns, by the end of my talk on Sunday, she was thinking more deeply about it asking me "So this is what you really want?" And i was like "Definitely". And then afterwards she text me in amongst not knowing how to feel apparently, she did say "maybe i should stop thinking about it and just try it...". I just feel i need to have another talk with her on this.. or should i just focus on meeting her and having some more fun. The thing is, i might be in the friendzone and i'm not sure i can deal with that
I am going to go and get on with the rest of my day now, I feel talking about this with you and the kind people on this forum really has helped me for many years, so i look forward to any advice/thoughts you can give..
Thank You
I have been reading for a while but after reading the OP I felt compelled to join after reading this post.
I have been in an identical situation to this. I met a girl who had a boyfriend. We exchanged texts and FB messages and I thought I was getting somewhere. It took a good year for us to kiss. When we did it felt like I'd finally won the battle. We kissed again a few weeks later. She came to mine and we slept together.
A couple of weeks later she broke up with her BF and for weeks afterwards everytime I got a text from her I thought "this is it, she's asking me out, it's finally going to happen".
Alas, it wasn't to be!
We exchanged nice, flirty, sexy texts the whole time and it meant more to me than it did to her.
My point is mate, that just because you guys had sex doesn't mean the same for her as it did for you! I'm not doubting that she is not a nice person. The girl I'm on about was a lovely person. I just got way more into her than she got into me. She knew I liked her and I guess that at the time she thought she liked me. She didn't realise at the time that by doing what she did she'd be making it worse for me.
I think you gotta face that she just isn't into you man, sorry to say it and I wish it was different! :crying:
I have made the same experience many times with girls who just cannot decide. Give you mixed "I will think about it"-feelings and while this is fair - in some way, I guess - I often feel like it is just because they are too cowardly to openly say no, because that would make them appear cold and gruff. I really really appreciate a open and unequivocal "NO", because I at least know in my head (if not in my heart) that there is no more chance to be had.
Also, to give something back to you, it is always pleasant to talk to you about problems like this goddog2. You are not whiny, face the facts if they are laid out to you, I can relate to your problems, and you take the advice that is given, even if it's not what you want to hear.
I know it sucks, but rest assured that you made your point very clear to her and not getting in contact is the very best you can do now, either for getting over her, or for her to realize that she actually wants you (but don't put your money on that). Good luck.