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My friend has just asked me out - help?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am not sure what I'm asking for; but any advice would be appreciated:

A friend of mine asked me out for dinner and I said yes. We got into his car to come home and we got talking and then he asked me out. I paused and then asked if he really meant it and he said he's serious and he said to ignore the age gap. (I'm 24 and he's 38) I ended up telling him I'm not sure. I've never had a relationship.

He dropped me home and said to think about it.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't really know what you want advice on but I just wanted to say I am 20 now and my ex is 35. I'd never had a proper relationship with anyone before him, I would realise I didn't want to be with any of them before my ex so I would just ignore them until they dumped me.

    Do you really like this guy? I really liked my ex and when we finally got together it was the best feeling in the world!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The way you're asking here makes it look as though you are unsure about the idea. He asked you to ignore the age gap but what do you think about it? Are you mature for your age? Is he a little on the immature side? Since you are friends already do you think where he is in life is compatible with where you are?

    Not forgetting to think about whether you think about him in a romantic way at all...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Age is irrelevant unless you're talking illegal.

    I was with a guy a few months ago who was 40 (I'm 25). It was awesome.

    If you like him, go for it. If you don't, don't. Simples :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks.

    I admit I am unsure. I've never had a relationship before. I mentioned it to my dad who just said go for it. He vaguely knows the friend. (he's called on me a few times)

    The age doesn't really bother me.

    I have spoken to others who have just go for it, which I think I'm going to do and see how it all goes. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good luck!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Really not happy. We met up on Monday and he mentioned discussing the future. WTF? We've been together 10 days. And he's so clingy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That is a bit weird! Have you told him how you feel? Or are you planning on telling him?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not had a chance yet. He was aware from day one that I've never had a relationship.

    I have to admit that I'm really unsure about being with him and everyone I've talked to, has said to just dump him. He wasn't happy last week because I said I couldn't meet him on Saturday.

    I texted him earlier and said I can't make tomorrow and wasn't sure I wanted to be with him. His reply was "ok, see you soon". Anyone else find this odd?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry if I'm wrong, but do you have aspergers?

    If you don't think you want to be with him that's absolutely fine. Is it because you don't really like him that much? Or another reason?

    I do think his reply is a little odd, you'd think he would want to talk about it, but I don't know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes, I am Autistic.

    There are a few reasons why I don't want to be with him - I don't think I really like him, the age gap and I have nothing (aside from running) in common with him.

    I was expecting him to want to talk too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is your mind made up, or are you thinking 'maybe it could work out'?

    10 days isn't really a long time, how many times have you met up with him? But then I think that there would be some sort of spark.

    I don't have much experience, only had one proper boyfriend. I fancied him for ages so I was really happy and excited when we got together.

    I have aspergers and usually if I don't like a guy that much I avoid him, pretend I have plans or something until he gets bored of trying. It sounds a little like what you're doing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not sure whether I think it could work.

    We've met up twice.

    I think your last sentence is right. He mentioned that tonight there's a race on which I normally do. I said I couldn't go because I am elsewhere. There are a few reasons that have nothing to do with him why I didn't want to go, (I have a gig next week and need to practise) and I wasn't sure if I really wanted to see him. Part of cancelling tomorrow is that he wants to meet in town around 4.30pm. It's late night shopping tomorrow and I simply can't deal with that many people. It was bad enough on Monday lunchtime.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It doesn't sound like you like him that much.

    It's completely up to you what you decide, but if you carry on it's just going to keep making you more unhappy. That's what happens with me. I do think there would be some sort of spark if there was anything between you two, but to me it just sounds like a one way thing at the moment.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks. I'm not going to see him any more. I wasn't too sure from the start. Somehow, he took "I'm not sure" to mean "yes". I didn't actually say yes or no.

    One thing I can't understand, is he told me not to tell a certain person and said "when you're ready, we'll tell the group". (the person is our running coach)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well done on making a decision.

    You'll find the right person one day :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He sent me a text earlier and asked if we could go for lunch on Monday and that he'll pay. I told him no.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    He sent me a text earlier and asked if we could go for lunch on Monday and that he'll pay. I told him no.

    Someone's keen! Did he reply?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No he hasn't.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You could suggest that you carry on as friends. There's no reason why you both need to have this extra pressure. Just go with the flow. Having lunch is fine, for example.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd rather not do that just after dumping him though. I have a feeling that if we did meet up, he'd just talk me into going out with him again, which is something I don't want.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh FFS! I told him last night I don't want lunch with him. Why he's obsessed with meeting up, I don't know. He then asked what's wrong? Well, let's see - you're clingy, you're controlling, you keep asking me if I want lunch with you. Need I go on, seriously?

    is it so wrong that I want space? I dumped him on Wednesday and have only had 2 days where he hasn't contacted me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you told him straight to leave you alone?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes I have.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It must be very annoying. Do you have an idea of what your next step will be if he carries on contacting you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not sure tbh. Tempted to ask our running coach to have a word. But at the same time, I'd rather not get others involved.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think maybe see what happens, and if he keeps pestering you tell your coach. This isn't fair on you, especially as you've made your feelings so clear.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For reasons unknown to me, he thinks we're together and managed to scare me by talking about marriage. I don't know where he got the idea from that were dating. I dumped him months ago.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    For reasons unknown to me, he thinks we're together and managed to scare me by talking about marriage. I don't know where he got the idea from that were dating. I dumped him months ago.

    Woah, that must be a shock, especially as you're not dating! Marriage is a massive step anyway, when you are in a relationship.

    What did you say?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I said nothing. I was too shocked to say anything. He also thinks that he's coming away and sharing a room with me when I go away for the weekend in May - I'd rather go on my own.

    I'm really not sure where all this came from. He asked on Monday if we could go for lunch on Friday and originally, I said no because I'd made plans with another friend. Other friend cancelled on me and I said I'd go for lunch with him, thinking it was just two friends meeting up.
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