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I can't keep trying...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Every day I see little reminders of how talentless I am.
Every day I get reminded of how LITTLE I meant to someone who told me I was brilliant a few months back.
Every day I feel more and more like I'm wasting my time.

"Keep trying" they say. I've been trying for years and every time it gets me to somewhere, I lose it or I'm told I shouldn't be so proud of what I've achieved. That it means nothing. And every time my video making goes tits-up, every attempt that fails just fuels the thoughts I have that fate doesn't want me to do what I enjoy. That fate wants me to get that 9-5 office job and be average when I feel so much more...

I'm sick of this stupid little welsh seaside town. I'm sick of feeling like an odd piece. I'm sick of being stuck here. I'm sick of not having spare money to go somewhere else for a day...

But no one will care unless I say I'm suicidal but I never will. It's not the truth and I won't lie, I'll feel worse.
I can't see anyone crying over me if I got seriously injured though...

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not the 9-5 office job! Lord forbid.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not the 9-5 office job! Lord forbid.

    How constructive...

    Good god, what's wrong with wanting to do something else? Retail, etc.?
    What's wrong with wanting to get out of the place I grew up in and live my bloody life?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    TheFangirl wrote: »
    How constructive...

    Good god, what's wrong with wanting to do something else? Retail, etc.?
    What's wrong with wanting to get out of the place I grew up in and live my bloody life?

    There is nothing wrong with that! It's great you have ambitions.

    I don't know what to say.. but all your hard work will pay off one day, you just have to try and believe that.

    Hugs.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Went out today to try and clear my head.
    It hasn't helped. I still feel stuck and trapped and reminded of how not-amazing I feel inside.

    Thing is, it doesn't feel crippling yet but it's almost there and it's constant.

    Don't feel like trying but I know I'll just get hassle if I do nothing. I don't want to slip back into any level of depression. I don't want to get worse but nothing happens. Everything stays the same no matter what effort I make.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is my first time on this site so excuse me if my editing is subpar compared to other members. The only thing I have to say to the OP is that you must always look on the brighter side of things. It does sound cliche and overused but there must be at least one thing in your life that helps you to cope with any difficulty and gives you reason to move forward. Whether that "thing" is a hobby, family member, significant other, the small things in life, etc. that one thing should make you smile nonetheless. Possibly you can say that you may not have a "thing" that fills the void in your own being, but the only thing I would have yet to offer would be to obtain a hobby in order to cope with this crisis at hand. I have only but the best wishes that you may find true happiness whether it may be within the small subsets in life such as sunsets or the smell of the morning dew or some invigorating activity such as underwater basket weaving or even a significant other to take some burdens off your shoulder.



    I will conclude with a quote from a wise character from one of my favorite shows:

    "Sometimes life is like this dark tunnel. You can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving, You will come to a better place." -Uncle Iroh, Avatar.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wasn't patient enough with a friend.
    Now she thinks she's a pest when it's just me being horrible again.

    I don't want to say I deserve being left behind, discarded, ignored, hassled, pressured, pull about... but god damn I need to think of a solid reason why I don't before the negative perception sets in firmly... >.0
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry to here things are difficult at the moment.

    Are you having any professional help at all? Is there anyone you could talk to?

    When you're feeling low you can be inpatient and snappy, if this is the case I'm sure everything with your friend will be fine. You're not horrible at all.

    Are there any positive distractions you use to help you at all? Something you enjoy doing? Is there anything coming up that you're looking forward to?

    Hugs, we're here for you *hug*
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