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Getting into a pretty dark place
plugitin
Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
I don't know why I'm posting, but I feel I have to just get this out somehow.
I'm feeling crushed, completely and utterly ground down. I have my dream job, I have my own flat and my independence. But it isn't enough. Time is dragging by so slowly, work is a stream of people being worn down by others and my department being pushed and pulled by everyone else. I mainly enjoy my job but I also have to try and implement things which aren't necessarily popular. Don't get me wrong no one is being overtly nasty but I just feel like a deflated balloon.
And then there's the dark thoughts trickling in. Ways to act out whatever. But I'm still functioning, I get up in a morning go to work, cook and wash. So there isn't anything wrong right?
I think by writing this I've become more aware of the fact that I am perhaps a bit worse off than I thought - by writing it down then maybe there is a problem. But it's not like anything can be done. And I'm not sure I can even be bothered with the fight to get my medication this month. I can never get an appointment and now with working it'll be even harder.
I want hibernation leave.
I'm feeling crushed, completely and utterly ground down. I have my dream job, I have my own flat and my independence. But it isn't enough. Time is dragging by so slowly, work is a stream of people being worn down by others and my department being pushed and pulled by everyone else. I mainly enjoy my job but I also have to try and implement things which aren't necessarily popular. Don't get me wrong no one is being overtly nasty but I just feel like a deflated balloon.
And then there's the dark thoughts trickling in. Ways to act out whatever. But I'm still functioning, I get up in a morning go to work, cook and wash. So there isn't anything wrong right?
I think by writing this I've become more aware of the fact that I am perhaps a bit worse off than I thought - by writing it down then maybe there is a problem. But it's not like anything can be done. And I'm not sure I can even be bothered with the fight to get my medication this month. I can never get an appointment and now with working it'll be even harder.
I want hibernation leave.
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Comments
It's great to see you posting again, it's been ages since I've seen you! Sounds like work at the moment is fairly stressful, so I would imagine why you would feel like a deflated balloon, have you ever done relaxation, or self soothing when you have moments where you are feeling more overwhelmed? What do you do as a career?
Hibernating won't help sadly, but I'm glad you're able to notice that you seem to be slipping in to 'dark thoughts' and it's often a sign of needing support, or some form of stable ground, why if your GP taking you off your medication, have you considered making an appt, and expressing a bit about how you're doing and how this wouldn't help?
Do keep us updated
Best wishes,
Angel
To be honest when I get home from work I just slouch in front of the TV or sometimes read but I've been trying to at least do one fitness video and cook something vaguely healthy when I feel bad. Sometimes at work I just go for some fresh air and get a coffee.
Re the meds, I can kind of see where they're coming from - it has been a long time and there is a worry my brain could be addicted and stuff. Oh well, probably best to be off them anyway...