Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Aged 16-25? Share your experience of using the discussion boards and receive a £25 voucher! Take part via text-chat, video or phone. Click here to find out more and to take part.
Options

*Gulps... Meeting the Parents

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Not me, done that bit - but my boyfriend is going home with me for the first time tonight.

The only problem is im a bit worried about how he will act.

Ive been seeing him for over 4 months now and there is quite a distinct age difference, im 19 and he is 32 but as the people who know me would agree, this is nothing new for me and my parents kind of expect it of me now.

We are completely in love with each other but the problem lies when he gets nervous. He is a Kung Fu teacher and when he teaches he is a right lad, loud, cheeky, rude etc (not exactly what parents would like) - this however is not the real him and is just a show for the class. The thing is it is his safety blanket, if he is nervous, he goes into teacher mode as the only way to cope with it.

As you can tell im slightly worried about how he is going to act around them. They are both quite easygoing but my Dad can get on his high horse very easily.

Im also a bit worried because i have never felt this way about anyone. Ive been in a couple of serious relationships but there is something different, something a lot more special. I know im only 19 and not planning on rushing into anything silly, but i do have a very good feeling about this guy and ruining it with my parents isn't going to be a very good start.

Im sorry for ranting and to be honest, i don't know what advice you could give but hey, any will be gratefully received :)

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Talk to your man - make sure he know's there's no reason to be nervous & try to make him relaxed as possible.

    If this doesn't work, just pull him aside and tell him to stop acting like such a nerk.
    :p
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good luck hun!!!

    Talk to you guy, explain, in the nicest possible way, what your parents are like (without exaggerating) and tell him everything is alright, nothing to be nervous about. I've got a similar situation coming next month, only it's my Mum, 2 of my sisters, my nieces and nephews and my brother all in one go!!! I think I initially scared the sh*t outta b/f by telling him horror stories about Mum, but I reassure him that they will love him, cos I do!

    Best thing for you to do is to stay calm and relaxed (easy to say, hard to do)!!:)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Very hard to do Irish :)

    I think im also a bit worried because of what i have told him about my Dad. He can be a bit of a d*ckhead (ok thats an understatement) especially when he has had a drink. I don't have a fantastic relationship with him although it is slightly better now i have moved out. The thing is, as you said about your Mum, ive confided in Andy about the things my Dad has done (nothing horrendously bad, but does put him in a bad light). My last boyfriend hardly ever came home with me as he didn't like my Dad, and didn't feel any need to try to get to know him. Andy doesn't suffer fools gladly, and although i think he would bite his tongue, it will be interesting to see how he is with him.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Meeting the parents is never easy but is not as bad as you think. My ex is in her late forties, and I'm 27 now so there was a fair age gap between us. But despite my ex not being that much younger than my parents, it all went really smoothly. :) And my Mum ended up making a wedding dress for one of my ex's kids. And they still keep in touch to an extent.

    More recently though, I should be meeting Meg's parents soon.. possibly at the end of this month. I'll be nervous as hell, but it'll be nice to meet them. Just got to get over my little complex of me not being good enough for their daughter kinda thing.

    And Meg will have fun when she meets my parents - they're both deaf & dumb so there'll be quite a language barrier. :)

    Good luck with it anyway!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you need to give your boyfriend some credit, to know what the situation is and assess how things are going. Try and avoid having to much to drink at the time of the meeting, ie don't let your dad have too much!

    I know I've done it before that I get all het up and worried about a situation which I've perceived is going to be absolutely horrible, and it ends up being alright and fine...I sincerely hope this happens for you, Jen! ;) Let us know how it goes!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by satan

    More recently though, I should be meeting Meg's parents soon.. possibly at the end of this month. I'll be nervous as hell, but it'll be nice to meet them. Just got to get over my little complex of me not being good enough for their daughter kinda thing.

    ooo you get to go to the grammar school mansion :)

    And Meg will have fun when she meets my parents - they're both deaf & dumb so there'll be quite a language barrier. :)


    Teach her sign language! - im sure Meggles will charm you parents to kingdom come, as will you with hers!

    I do think it is more difficult for the guy to meet the girls parents, unless the guy is particularly a mummys boy - parents will always want the best for their ickle girl :) (not to worry you or anything Satan, you will be fab!)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Jenifahr


    Teach her sign language! - im sure Meggles will charm you parents to kingdom come, as will you with hers!

    I do think it is more difficult for the guy to meet the girls parents, unless the guy is particularly a mummys boy - parents will always want the best for their ickle girl :) (not to worry you or anything Satan, you will be fab!)

    My sign language is awful though! :D I know enough to get by with my parents and a few of my other deaf relatives, but I rely a lot on my parents lipreading me. I'm sure she'll be fine though :)

    As for me meeting their parents, I'll just ask the butler for advice. ;)

    And... I didn't realise it was you Jenny.. sorry! :D
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by satan



    And... I didn't realise it was you Jenny.. sorry! :D

    *reveals true self under cape

    Mwahahaha i fooled you this time... *coughs... ummm, yes.... it is me :)


    I learnt sign language a long time ago, well letters and a few odd words - i could sign, but i would have to spell each word out separately :)

    as for the Butler, perhaps they imprisoned an old schoolgirl to be maid :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OK - I'm having a hard time dealing with my Boyfriends mother at the moment but one bit of advice I can give you is....

    Keep on liking your boyfriend and even if he is loud and laddish you know why you like him and you shouldn't feel like you have to make excuses for him. If your parents don't like him then they just don't know him like you do.

    I went through a stage where I felt a bit embarrassed by the things my boyfriend would say because although I got the joke I thought my friends and family would take them the wrong way. In the end I realised that if I was annoyed or embarrassed by anythign he said then I had to tell him, but otherwise it's not fair to start judging him because your parents are..

    Good luck - it can be difficult. My dad died before he got to meet my boyfriends parents but he loved my bloke and probably would have hated his parents so I'm glad they never men because they probably would have looked down on him for being an old hippy!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Jenifahr
    I learnt sign language a long time ago, well letters and a few odd words - i could sign, but i would have to spell each word out separately :)

    Um.. that's not far off my level. :D
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Excellent rant about parent-meeting here:

    http://www.thesite.org/magazine/rants/meeting_the_parents.html
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey guys :D

    u know its not actually all that scary for my an my bf who ive now been seeing for 4 months (yesterday :D ) it asnt a big thing, right now you have to come meet the parents cos ive been mates with him for quite a long time and my mum knew who he was. he came down here all the time when we first started goin out but then when we were coming up to about 3 months he asked me to go up to him house one night and he knew i was sh*tting it, not cos of his mum but his brother, i find him really intimidating, but i did it and last night i went round for the 3rd time and it really wasnt that bad. i met his dad too, whod come to pick him up, the advice i can give u all is just bring them round to your house to mess around not a big organised thing. maybe ive been lucky i dunoo but good luck ;)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi

    Hopefully your parents will realise that he will be nervous and take that into account. After they will have been through the ordeal of being introduced to the boyf's/girlf's parents so will hopefully be understanding.

    Good luck and let us know how it goes

    AnnMarie
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i've been with my bf for a year and i still havent met his parents, oops
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by satan


    My sign language is awful though! :D I know enough to get by with my parents and a few of my other deaf relatives, but I rely a lot on my parents lipreading me. I'm sure she'll be fine though :)


    know what you mean, my brother is deaf, and my sign language is atrocious because he lets me get away with it, and although we can communicate, its terrible if im trying to speak to anyone else whos deaf. Im going to sign up for a sign language course this september though, as i feel a bit bad that ive never learnt it properly.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Right, well the deed has been done! Mum seems to like him, Dad has gone to bed but i dont care what he thinks anyway. Everything seemed fine :)

    Thanks guys for listening to me rant!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Congrats - I bet you are wondering why you were so worried!

    :)

    AnnMarie
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Jenifahr
    Right, well the deed has been done! Mum seems to like him, Dad has gone to bed but i dont care what he thinks anyway. Everything seemed fine :)

    Thanks guys for listening to me rant!

    Good stuff.. they've been fooled into thinking he's normal! ;)
Sign In or Register to comment.