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Saying goodbye

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
... to my psychologist... this person is leaving soon to start a new job miles away, and I will be seeing someone else until the end of therapy next year. This person has helped a lot in the last 7/8 months, and sort of been my 'voice' when relating to the MH team that I have had a rocky relationship with.
I dunno if it really means anything or if I even agree with this diagnosis of Borderline PD, but one aspect of it is issues with abandonment... and I know in the past I have felt great and lasting anguish when saying goodbye to favourable teachers or lecturers, etc. Thing is, I tend to mess things up somehow... like, wanting to keep in touch when they aren't that bothered and then feel rejected, or get a bit... stalkerish and start searching for info on them to have some sort of connection again... I dunno, stuff like that. (Yes I am weird; not many friends my own age; isolated; no idea how to deal with people... you get the idea)

So my questions are...
How do I go about this process of saying goodbye to this psychologist who I have really liked and has stuck up for me, without it hurting so badly for so long?
And would it be really inappropriate to give this person a small gift (that was a tad expensive) as a thank you and good luck in your new job type of thing?
How do I avoid getting angry with them for leaving me? when I know it is not about me at all, but their decision to go for career progression and personal reasons...
Finally, do I go for a handshake, a quick hug, a really informal fist bump type thing or just sort of do an awkward wave and smile as I walk off and find a place to cry? :/

I do have a bit of a history with 'crossing a line' with professionals which has got me into trouble and caused lots of awkwardness in the past, so, I would like to get it right for once... any advice?


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Nutter,

    This is something I can relate to so hugs. You are not weird at all, a LOT of people feel like this when it feels like you are being kind of 'abandoned' by someone who you have become so reliant on.

    It does hurt when someone has to stop working with you, but it's not as bad as you think it will be. When my worker had to stop working with me, in my experience, I cried more on the build up to the last session and I cried my eyes out at the last session. A few days later I was okay. Yes it was still a little bit sad but you get over it a lot faster than you think.

    I wanted to give my worker a gift but was told she wasn't actually allowed to accept one. I'm not sure whether this will be the case with you but maybe you should check before you spend too much money on him/her. You are allowed to give a card though-this is what I did. You could write whatever you wanted to on that, some lovely words to let him/her know how grateful you are and how you feel?

    I think that when the time comes you'll be too upset to be angry with them. I know it's hard but try to focus on what he/she has done for you and how they have helped you, rather than think he/she is 'leaving you'. This isn't the case, and is nothing personal against you at all.

    Again, I cried my eyes out when it was time to say goodbye to my worker and I just cried on her shoulder for ages. Don't feel awkward. I think it'll just be an 'in the moment' kind of thing. You can't plan what you're going to do, because you don't know how you're going to react and you don't know how it's going to play out. There is nothing wrong with having a good cry though.

    You'll get through this, and we're here for you *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey, thanks for your reply. I know when the last session will be now and i'm like... :( but they have reassured me that the replacement is super nice, so... i'm trusting them on that. I keep feeling really down about it and a little lost with what is going to happen with my care in general with psychology and CMHT, both things will be ending around the same time but not till next year.. I am trying to see it as an opportunity to start fresh but again, that is tough.
    I got this person a gift and really hoping they can accept it, I don't see why not if they are not gonna be my therapist anymore...? Would just be mega awkward if they said no I can't take it..
    Am trying to do other stuff to take my mind off it because I know it will hurt like hell on the day.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It will hurt like hell on the day, sorry to say, but you will get through it. Trust me, it's not as bad after as you think it's going to be. And it's great that you're getting another worker who is nice :)

    When will the last session be? If you don't mind me asking.

    We're here for you, so keep posting when you need to.
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