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Personal Statement. *PLEASE HELP*

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
After much deliberating I've decided that I want to go onto uni to do a chemistry degree, problem is I don't know what to put in a personal statement. So I've drafted up various points and thought I'd post them here and hopefully get some responses of what's good, what's bad, what I should add, what I should take out. Please Help me on this one. Thank you

I realise this isn't even a draft but any evaluation of these points would be really helpful.
~Jack Skowron

*EDIT* Deleted the list as when my personal statement gets put through a plagiarism checker I don't want to get pulled up for plagiarising myself XP


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your points are a little long. There's nothing inherently wrong with detail, but, expressed as it is there in "Bullet points", it seems odd.

    The Tae Kwon Do is interesting, but I'd probably shift that section towards later in the statement.

    I'm not sure of the phrasing "One thing that I have grown to love is if in a lesson we cover something that shocks me". There's two issues with that - first is the use of the specific phrase "shocks me", maybe consider "is surprising" or similar. Second is that, with the way your paragraphs are set out right now, the reader still thinks your are talking about a Tae Kwon Do lesson, rather than a chem lesson. This would, of course, be partially addressed by the re-ordering I mentioned before, but you may want to be more specific.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks, like I said it's not even at draft level yet. The bullet points are just ideas of what to put into my actual personal statement.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My first instinct is that even in note form that is going to be too long. Try to focus on one or two major points from your achievements, and keep the primary focus and the bulk of the text on what draws you to chemistry and makes you excited about it. The rest is great, and important, but not what you're going to uni for (officially, anyway)!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm gonna start by saying that yours looks really good for a first draft, so try not to panic too much =) This is just some advice I was given by my subject teacher that you might find useful for structuring;

    Paragraph One - Why you are interesting in the course. Also known as the *pick me pick me* paragraph. Definitely your last bullet point. Also your fourth bullet point, potentially. Unfortunately the people who read your personal statement might only read some or parts of it, to try and juge you as quickly as possible. Which sucks. So assuming they start at the top, you want a killer opening line (I left this to last to do) and then to say 'I am interested in this course so so so very much so you should give me a place'. Like I said, definitely your lastbullet point but your fourth bullet point also does this very well.

    Paragraph Two - Why they should pick you, not someone else Which is the show off bit. So any reading you've done for your course (and importantly, why it interested you and your thoughts on it), I'd mention your trip to Manchester University here and say what you learned. Your third bullet point is good here as well. This is literally like a show off section (It can be more than one paragraph obviously depending on how you want to break it up). You could also name-drop some of the first year books as 'next on your reading list' kind of thing (Most universities have a list of first year books online)

    Paragraph Three - I am awesome This is where your Tae Kwon Do would come in. Any sports, or community work you have done which makes you a more rounded person. Don't forget any times you've helped your school on open evenings etc. If your universities have put up a mock student profile for your course, then try to include some of those words - I have no idea the skills you need for Chemistry but things like: I regularly participant as a *team member* in my tae kwon do classes, but I have always understoof the important that *understanding ideas* has, and this led me to consolidate my tae kwon do knowledge by teaching younger members.

    But as I said - yours is a very good first draft - much better than mine was :) I hope this helps structure your bullet points a little better or gives you some useful advice to use!

    Good Luck!
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