I feel like I can't cope anymore and don't know what to do :(

Former Member

Right so here goes... I feel really guilty writing this as I know I should be coping and not looking for support or help. I find the evenings so difficult and I try so hard to keep myself occupied and distracted but somehow always come back to feeling so low that nothing seems worthwhile anymore. I know that things could be so much worse but I struggle to see the positives. Since being in hospital in September I feel that everything has been taken out of my control and feel like I have lost so much. My friends won't understand and my best friend doesn't ever listen and turns everything around to her. I have lost my independence and now can't go anywhere without having to plan it or ask and I hate that I am dependent on people.

Tomorrow I have my psychologist appointment in the morning and a physio appointment in the afternoon but I'm really worried about these. My physio doesn't know my psychologist but know she wanted to contact her and I am scared about the response tomorrow. I know they both want to help and it's a safe place where I feel I can talk I just feel so pathetic about the whole thing. My response when my physio saw that I had self harmed on my leg was so awkward. I pretended it was nothing but it was obvious that it was and I felt so small and stupid .

Sorry for the rant I just really needed to get it all off my chest. I don't think I feel any better but I want things to change so badly but don't have any energy or motivation to do so. I just seem to be spiralling downwards

Former Member

Hey Lauren

Well done for posting on here! Don't feel guilty at all, you deserve support and that is what the boards are for. We're all here, you're not alone.

You shouldn't feel pathetic about anything. Maybe it's a good thing that your physio worker and your psychologist know about everything? They clearly care and want to help. Do you feel a little bit better knowing you can talk to them if you want to? Do you have anyone else that you feel you could talk to?

You don't need to apologise for ranting, we love a good rant here

What kind of things do you enjoy doing? Is there anything in the past that you have found helps to motivate you at all? Have you ever heard of mindfulness? I started to use mindfulness not that long ago, and I feel it helps me a lot when I'm feeling stressed or sad.

big hugs *hug*

Former Member

Haha well I am good at a big rant every now and then!

I definitely feel better knowing that I can talk to them and genuinely want to listen but I think it's bad how much I rely on these appointments. Admittedly I haven't spoken to my physio about it but she wanted to book an appointment for tomorrow I think to talk more than to do my physio rehab. I look forward to the appointments but at the same time the thought of them scare me. It is a relief being able to talk. I don't have anyone else I can talk to. My mum knows I'm finding things hard and I'm seeing a psychologist but that's as far as it goes. I don't feel I can talk to her as we are so close and I don't want to put anything between up.

I love anything sport related and I love hockey but that's one of the biggest problems at the moment as there is no sport I can do . I am still very involved at my hockey club and love that but find matches hard as all I want to do is to get on the pitch and run about with my team. At the moment I feel so trapped as am hardly leaving the house so there isn't much I am doing. I used to be so independent so I am hoping when I get a car again soon I will have my independence back a little bit.

I think I have heard of mindfullness. Is Jon Kabatt-Zin something to do with mindfullness. I have been told by my psychologist to listed to his meditation stuff and there are quite a few videos of him talking on YouTube which I try to use and they do help but everything that helps never seems to last for long. I just feel sad all of the time apart from when I am out with friends or busy which isn't very often. Then my mood is ok but something always reminds me and brings me back to feeling low. I know there are things I can still do and to focus on them but I find it so difficult when all I can think about it what I can't do and how i wish everything was different

I know it will get better just wish this would hurry up as so fed up of feeling like this and it makes me so sad and upset xxx

Former Member

It's good that you feel a bit better knowing you can talk to them, I understand what you mean about relying on the appointments though. There was someone I used to talk to about things, a while ago now, and I came reliant on her. It seems though that your physio worker wants to listen to you and wants to help you as she has booked an extra appointment so try not to feel bad.

It's good that you're still involved with your hockey club. You say you feel trapped as you hardly leave the house, so is there anything that you could do inside to keep your mind off things for a bit? I find that tidying up helps, reading is good, I like to write things down. I feel like getting things out on paper helps. Maybe you could plan what you would like to do when you have a car, or where you would like to go.

This is what the mindfulness expert says: 'Mindfulness is a method of paying close attention to your thoughts, moods and emotions in the moment. Most people will try and do it through simple meditation. It can be a good way of learning how to stop your thoughts and feelings from reverting to autopilot (which sometimes can make you feel worse).'
So you have said that you're feeling sad, and fed up, and I assume you feel frustrated sometimes? So you start to think 'why am I feeling like this?' 'I shouldn't be feeling like this.' 'How can I stop myself from feeling like this?' Instead, being mindful is where, for example, you feel angry but by focusing on you're breathing you come to realise what being angry feels like, and accepting that you're just angry and that's fine.

Maybe you could give it a try? I have a thread on mindfulness so if there are any questions you want to ask I'm sure someone will answer. I'm still learning about it myself but I love it. There was an expert chat on it not long ago, here's the link if you want to take a look:
http://www.thesite.org/community/thesocial/chat/chatarchive/Mindfulness