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Woke up to a guy having with me

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi so I went home after a night out with a guy who i had explained i dont wat to have sex. but because i was drunk he followed me to my room and we cuddled then kissed and ended up having sex. But, he was going so rough with me and hurting me I actually screamed in agony. And I was just not enjoying it so I stopped and put on a dressing gown and he cuddled me again. then after falling asleep I woke up to me on my front my dressing gown lifted up and legs spread out and he was inside me thrusting so I got him off me. I felt so disgusted. He layed down as I layed there real still in shock and did not move or sleep after it. I pretended to be asleep and he was stroking my hair but it was more like he was pulling it out and he was nudging me. The next day he just went without saying anything and I got a bath crying because of what he did and I could hardly sit down :,-( is it rape??
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like it to me. You didn't consent. I'm sorry that this has happened to you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes you were raped. I don't know my way around thesite outside of the forums but I am sure there is a lot of reading material on it so you know where to go from here.

    My condolences.
  • JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey lacey,

    Really sorry to hear what happened - it sounds really distressing.
    These things can often be hard to talk about, so well done on posting here.

    TheSite has got an article about rape, which you might like to read. It also has a couple of videos to talk you through your options now.

    One thing it says is this:
    It doesn't matter how well you know them, or what they've said to you, if you didn't consent - it was rape.

    How are you feeling now? Have you talked to anyone else about it?
    Hope you're okay
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've talked to friends about and they can't believe it's happened. They said I should report it but its too late for that now. I wish I did because I can't believe that dirty pervert and I want to smack him I feel disgusted
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's never too late.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    TheFangirl wrote: »
    It's never too late.

    Exactly this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not too late
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I reported had tests done and was glad I did.
    Now I just want it to be forgotten but hope the police do what they need to do
    He needs arresting and getting sent down and be put on his records :mad:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's really brave. Well done.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well done
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you are very brave well done
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Here's hoping everything goes smoothly and the guy pays for what he did.
  • JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    As others have said, well done lacey - that must have taken some real strength
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He said to the police it was all consented :-( and so there nothing else there can do no evidence that I was asleep so nothing can be done:crying::banghead:
  • *Holly**Holly* Deactivated Posts: 140 Helping Hand
    Hey Lacey

    I can imagine this is quite a blow and frustrating, especially as you've been so brave and brilliant for reporting it.

    How are you feeling? Did the police explain if there's any more options you can take?

    Remember, whatever happens legally, this wasn't your fault. You're not to blame in any way and there are people here who believe you and want to support you through this. Keep posting as much as you need to - they'll always be someone here who's listening and who cares about what happened to you.

    I don't know if you saw in the article, but have you thought of calling Rape Crisis? I'll post a link below in case you want to chat to them. They deal with people in your position a lot so are likely to have a lot of extra guidance and support for you.
    http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/gettinghelp2.php

    Do let us know how you're getting on.

    Massive hugs *hug*

    Holly
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That must be very frustrating and upsetting, but remember the legal situation doesn't change what happened.

    Did the police explain what was happening? The decision to charge is not usually the police's to make, and that seems a surprisingly quick decision to take no further action from the CPS. That said I'm not surprised at the decision; if you say you were asleep and he says you weren't, then a successful prosecution would have been unlikely.

    I can only hope that the police investigation reminded this creature that it is not acceptable.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I cried and didn't even say bye to the police woman I was talking to because she obviously was blaming me and said there is nothing else that can be done. I will phone rape crisis again but I just went out straight after I got the phone call because it made me angry and like I wanted to hurt myself and came back feeling a bit better. But the fact that he's lied and said I consented I don't know why they still wouldn't do anything. He's got away with it and probably laughing now
  • *Holly**Holly* Deactivated Posts: 140 Helping Hand
    Hey Lacey

    You have absolutely every reason to be angry. Remember you have done nothing wrong - it's this guy and the police who are to blame. It must be so frustrating, and it may be worth asking if there's any appeal process, or if you can make a complaint about the police...

    However, more than anything, try and ensure you're looking after you. What do you need right now? What would help right now? Did you manage to call Rape Crisis? Were they helpful? In our rape article, we mention some counselling may be helpful. It may seem like a lot to take on right now, but you could consider it in the future.

    You say you wanted to hurt yourself and it sounds like you coped with that really well, by taking yourself out. If that's working, maybe you should keep on doing that when you get those urges? Or you can always vent here - write it all out as much as you like. Or talk to someone you can trust.

    Do let us know how you're doing. And remember there's no right or wrong way of dealing with what you've gone through, and help is always here :)

    Holly
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My support worker has not even rang me either and she said she would. I hope this creepy guy is tormented and having nightmares. They all can go to hell for all I care
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Karma. This dick has done something awful to you so he'll get what's coming to him.
    Something happened to me a while ago and my counsellor then suggested that I write down everything I wanted to happen to him so I got it all out and then burn it. That helped me, maybe you could try it?
    She also said that yes, he may think he has won now and he has hurt you but the best revenge would be for you to get stronger and start enjoying life. Show this horrible man you're not scared, and he hasn't won. He'll live with fear for the rest of his life, knowing what he has done to you and he may do this or have already done this to someone else too so he will be in fear that he could get done at any time for this.

    I hope you are okay. You're not alone. Hugs *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you I have wanted to write all this down for a while so I will and then what I want to happen to him and burn it, it will be hard but worth a try if it worked for you butterfly123.
    And thanks everyone for replying means a lot :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is hard but it does help. When you're writing what you want to happen to him just write what you're thinking, let it flow naturally, just get it all out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That seems like a good idea, butterfly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I will do :angel:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sure sounds like rape to me, you didn't give your consent. He sounds a nasty peice of work, a really horrible guy that needs locking up.
    I can't imagine what you are going through and you need to get some support.
    It beggars belief how he can do that to another human being, hurt them, abuse them and defile them and then went without saying anything.
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hello,

    To ensure this thread remains a supportive space for lacey I've removed all comments that take it on a tangent.

    If anyone wants to get in touch about this, feel free to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you Helen,

    This is the only place I'm getting support now. It's so frustrating that people have to be like that my family are like that never mind want it on here. I did end up telling my family when I was drunk out my face while staying at their house on halloween so I was safe, unfortunate not safe enough. My sister doesn't like me anyway so she ended up dragging me round the house by my hair and scratching my neck and eyes badly. Like that's what I need really ?? I'm crying now cause of remembering it all. Maybe I should add my sister to that list of stuff on paper I was going to write then burn the paper.

    She has apologised but doesn't change the fact she did it to me in that state when I've had that happen to me. This is only place left I can turn because my family don't even want to talk about it they're not like that they just acting like nothing happened :,(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm so sorry to hear that Lacey *hug*

    We're here for you and we care.

    Some of my family disowned me so I know how you must be feeling. I promise you, you will get through this. It will take some time and it will be hard but you can do it. You're a brave girl and we're all here to try and help you.

    Put whatever you want on that list! Anything that you wish you could say or do to whoever, put it on the list. Maybe you could start this now?

    Keep posting on here whenever you want to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I guess from their point of view, they don't know what to say or do. Many women (understandably) don't want to talk about what happened and want to just move on.

    Can you get counselling or anything like that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well the burning my notes helped I guess . Just want to put everything behind me and move on. I'm stopping drinking alcohol even when I go out with friends I don't need it because I can't seem to look after myself on it and regret it day after anyway x:chin: not totally happy but ill get there I suppose
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