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Struggling.

*BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
in Health & Wellbeing
I really don't know if this thread is gonna make any sense. Something happened on Sunday and it triggered a lot of mixed feelings for me, and brought back a lot of memories.

I have been struggling with bad thoughts and also not been sleeping as a result of the memories. I couldn't even face going into work today. I struggled through yesterday but today was too difficult. I feel really alone, and I don't know what to do for the best.

On Sunday I harmed myself and I am pretty sure I had a panic attack. but I haven't experienced those before, I go into panic mode but that was different on Sunday. I am scared of it happening again. My heart was beating really fast and I was shaking. I don't want that to happen again.

I tried to do the right thing on Sunday and it has changed everything. I just want things to go back to the way they were before. I can't deal with all this.

I just want to feel okay again. I feel like I am never gonna get there.
" And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hugs you did the right thing, I promise. And if you feel a panic attack coming on, remember to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth <3
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you lovely! I just hate this feeling.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Can't deal with this anymore :'(
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey BananaMonkey

    It sounds like you've had a tough few days, and that today hasn't gone too well. *hug*

    Panic attacks can be really frightening - no wonder you don't want it to happen again. But as Ellie says, there are ways to help you deal with them if they do rear their ugly head again. Our article on panic attacks gives a simple overview of what they are and some coping techniques which might be good to know.

    You could also look at No Panic - an organisation to help people with panic attacks. They have a helpline on 0800 138 8889.

    Hope you're feeling a bit brighter soon :heart:
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you :)
    I just don't see myself getting better any time soon.. Hate this feeling so much. I feel alone and lower than ever..
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I got bad thoughts, and I can't stop them. Chat has helped me this evening, I just need to feel something other than all this hurt inside me. I need to harm. I just don't want to be this way anymore. But I don't know what to do anymore for the best. I just keep going over everything in my head, and thinking how this shouldn't of turned out this way, but it has and I can't change the past I hate myself so much though. This doesn't even make any sense. I am sorry....
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi BananaMonkey :wave:

    Don't be sorry about it not making sense you are writing how you feel so we understand *hug*

    Did chat help you to be distracted for a while?

    purple_rain :heart:
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Yeah chat did help.

    Thank you for your reply

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Can't even face going to work today :'(
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *BananaMonkey* wrote: »
    Can't even face going to work today :'(
    Did you go in the end or take the day off?
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I dragged myself in. Cried at work, :(
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *BananaMonkey* wrote: »
    I dragged myself in. Cried at work, :(

    Well it's really good that you got there in the first place :)

    Have you got much on over the weekend?
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    It didn't feel very good. I can't deal with any of this anymore. :(

    Hmm tomorrow seeing friend(bre) and sunday gonna spend the day in bed. I am working 8am-6pm on Mondays from now on, so need to get my head sorted to deal with working such a long day, and this Monday coming up, got meeting til 7pm.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    My mood seems to crash down after I have had a nice day. Like yesterday shopping with bre. And today spending time with Isaac. Now I am alone and everything is just crappy again :'(

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Bad night. :'( on way to work. Struggling so much. Hopefully the children will make me smile.

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Arnold321 wrote: »
    Here are really nice and most informative article is here with us. I am totally agree with you and would like to say thanks to you that you share this post here with us.

    What do you mean? :s

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just spam, doesn't mean owt
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Oh Okay, thanks Picc
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Not posted on this thread for a while. I haven't had words to even describe how I have been feeling. I am ready to post now. Everything is just so rubbish at the minute. I had a good afternoon at TS towers yet now I am home I feel alone and low.

    These past couple of weeks have been really tough, and I just can't seem to get past it. I have had people praising me at work and also volunteering and I am doing everything to the best of my ability but I just don't feel happy in myself. Just really struggling with things. I keep pretending I am fine but then when I am on my own I crumble!:'( I can't stay strong.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    :'( need to hurt

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like things are really getting on top of you at the moment, do you want to tell us a bit more about it? You seem to have lots of positive things going on but you also say 'everything is rubbish' - what are the rubbish things that are getting you down?

    You've got past low times before - perhaps you could ask yourself what motivated you then to keep going?

    What about curling up in bed with some chilled music to help you drift off, that might help - things can often seem worse late at night.. big hugs *hug*
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you for your reply Jo. Means alot.

    I just dont know what is even wrong with me anymore. I keep getting praised for doing things good but I just cant see them anymore..

    I just want a day where from start to finish I can feel okay.

    I am finding it really difficult to stay positive. I know in the past I have managed to see positives. I cant this time :'(


    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    To get sleep last night I took bunch of nytol but more than normal. Paying price today. Still sleepy. How am I gonna function today :(

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Made an appointment to go to the doctors to discuss my Mental health. Not gonna lie, feeling pretty anxious and scared to be honest. But it's done now. That was a difficult step to take, but yeah. I just hope I actually go to the apt and not just cancel it.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm so happy and so proud of you because I know you hate talking face to face to people! Well done! :yippe: I'm sure it will be fine and probably much less scarier than you think. :heart:
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thanks butterfly. Means alot ♥

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *BananaMonkey* wrote: »
    Made an appointment to go to the doctors to discuss my Mental health. Not gonna lie, feeling pretty anxious and scared to be honest. But it's done now. That was a difficult step to take, but yeah. I just hope I actually go to the apt and not just cancel it.

    Well chuffed for you Claire, this is a really amazing step and you should be really proud of yourself for taking it :yes:

    You may have seen this before but DocReady is specifcally for getting ready to see the doc about mental health - could be one to check out? I know you love an app! ;)
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you Jo. I have seen docready. I still think it should be a phone app :-)
    Yeah just feel pretty scared. Buy I am just feeling bad about it. I know I will be okay I think

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh yeah.. I had it in my head it was an app.. it totes should be.

    It's understandable that you feel a bit worried about it but it's good to hear that really you think you will be okay. Lots of luck for it and let us know how you get on *hug*
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I tweeted them saying it should be an app. They said they are considering it. :-)

    Yeah I just hope I actually go and not just cancel it. I have a while to prepare myself I guess. I am going same day as holiday. So I guess its a good day to go I suppose

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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