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its complicated..

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am depressed and I self harm, I find it really hard to speak to anyone and I just seem to push every one away...especially my boyfriend who I nearly ended the relationship with recently. I seem to be avoiding going out with him, I love him to bits I really do but like I'm ashamed of the affect me being depressed has on him.

Another problem is in the bedroom..I don't wanna do anything at all, and this is because I'm ashamed of what I have done to myself and I am scared of my boyfriends' reaction to this, any advice or help please??

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you seen your gp? That's a good place to start.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I haven't seen my gp and I don't want my parents to find out about me self harming although I have seen a councellor but i 'be been put onto a waiting list, so I can't ask for any advice from anyone else.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would recommend seeing your gp.
  • JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey floby123,

    It sounds like you're going through a difficult time at the moment and there seems to be a lot on your mind. Well done for posting - these things are often hard to talk about, so asking for advice here is a great first step :)

    You said you find it hard to talk to anyone about your depression and self harm. That is totally understandable, so it's really positive that you've got yourself on a counselling waiting list. Do you know roughly how long you'll have to wait? We've got an article about confiding in someone that might help you feel more confident about talking to somebody. Have you tried talking to your boyfriend? Do you think it would help?

    Am I right in thinking that you're not sure about going to the GP because you don't want your parents to find out about your self harm? If so, there's another article about confidentiality that explains whether the GP will contact your parents or not.

    Let us know how you're doing :)
    JPick
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My relationship isn't going well at all, I don't feel as close my boyfriend as I used to because I feel guilty on saying things that worry him, and I will have to wait about another 6 weeks before I get counselling. At the moment all me and my boyfriend are doing is arguing over stupid things so I can't talk to him at all about my depression and self harm because he blames it on himself or he just goes in a mood that I've self harmed again..so I try and keep it to myself, it seems better for everyone that way.

    And yes you are totally right that I don't want to see my gp because I don't want my parents to find out as I'm not 16 yet, my 16th birthday is in about 3 weeks time.

    Thank you for replying:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there,

    I'm so glad you reached out on here. I understand how you feel because i used to be in a similar situation.

    When you're depressed your brain doesn't work the way it should and Depression tells you all sorts of horrible lies. It undermines you and tells you you're not good enough, that you're effecting him negatively and tells you you should be ashamed.

    But i promise you you have nothing to be ashamed of. I've had some partners that have made a fuss about my self harm scars and i soon learnt they were never worth it! I'm now with a guy that loves me regardless. And anyway the more important thing at the end of the day is how you feel, if you accept your body.

    Give your boyfriend a chance to look after you instead of shutting him out, how can he help if he doesn't know what's going on?

    Sometimes a good way to look at these things is to imagine if it was a physical health problem, if you had a cold you would let him look after you & your mental health is just as important sweetie x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you so much for your advice, yeah you are completely right, I need to stop pushing him away when he's trying to help me. Although he doesn't take into consideration that if I'm snappy with him or just not in a good mood he thinks he's done something wrong and makes it about him, so he doesn't think the fact that I'm depressed has anything to do with it and it annoys me so so much! But i definitely need to open up to him because its not going to work otherwise, thank you x
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