Home Sex & Relationships
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

He's so jealous, what do I do?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
My boyfriend and I have been together a year, im 18 and he's 24. First of all he's brazilian, and the culture there is very different in relation to jealousy and control. But I already knew that and I was ok with the jealousy at first. But it's so extreme. I can't go to a party without him, I can't wear certain things without I'm freaking out, but that's not what bothers me because I knew what I was getting into. It's me losing my best friend over him, because he's a boy. He saw a message last night that I was at my friends house earlier playing Xbox, and freaked out threatening he was gonna break up with me, or cheat on me to pay me back cause he assumes I went there to cheat on him. He's under a lot of stress at the moment, he's here as a refuge and his ex brought his daughter to brazil and refused to ever let him see her again, and she gives me so much abuse it's hard to handle. And obviously he's in an awful state. So I wanna know how can I go about dealing with this sensitively? He's a good guy other than this and treats me lie a princess :heart: . And don't tell me to break up with him cause it ain't happening.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *without HIM freaking out
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If he wasn't brazillian and 'part of his culture' would you put up with it? I'm guessing no. Culture is no excuse imo. It's a typical pattern of abuse you see in relationships everywhere i.e treating you like a princess and then getting irrationally controlling and jealous the second to glance at anyone else. Seriously, dump him
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Talk to him about it. Make him understand, that just because you have friends of the opposite gender does not mean you are cheating on him. What if you were bisexual, would it be forbidden to see same sex friends too? His jealousy is a lack of trust in you and trust is on of the basic principles a relationship is built on. He is very controlling (threatening to cheat on you if you do not act as he wants). There are only two options, he either reevaluates his views on relationships and trust, or the relationship is for short or long doomed. I guess there is also the option where you give in to his every whim and have no say in anything, but I don't think you would like that.

    Also how is his ex able to give you shit about anything from half a globe away?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Through Facebook. And when I blocked her through posting on other people's photos of me and my boyfriend. She won't quit the harassment
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why are you with someone this controlling? I personally couldn't be with someone who has issues with me going to a party because I may cheat.

    No trust = no relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I went out with a Brazilian for 5 yrs - he wasn't like this at all so I don't think it's merely a cultural thing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Randomgirl wrote: »
    I went out with a Brazilian for 5 yrs - he wasn't like this at all so I don't think it's merely a cultural thing.

    I think it's just him being a dick. Controlling behaviour is one step below verbal and physical abuse.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Niacht

    Extreme jealousy can be really hard to deal with, especially when you've got nothing to feel guilty about. Like Strubbles says, your best bet first of all is to talk to him and try and get him to understand things from your point of view. Maybe you can agree on some basic groundrules to keep him feeling more secure, like texting him when you're going out so he knows what you're up to?

    Our article on jealousy might give you some more ideas.

    Good luck
    Spanner
Sign In or Register to comment.