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Concerned!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ii'm a guy with a a casual female friend whom I know for a fact had sex at age 15 with a guy who was thirty one years old... Suffice to say, she's not in that relationship now but she seems pleased about the age gap! I'm a tad (okay, hugely)concerned for her welfare.... it seems to me that he just used her as boasting material for his mates! What does anyone else think of underage girls shagging men twice their age?

I'll get the dynamite, you stay away from it!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    depends on circumstances, and is hard to draw conclusions.

    either shes just a bit of a slag and u could do well to set in her line

    or

    the guy took advantage of her, simple and easy.

    Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiya, could be as easy as what Turtle said, but could also be much more to it than that.

    Just to give an example, have a friend whose father left when she was 3. She didn't have a father figure, and when she was about 14 met a guy old enough to be her father who treated her really well. She was still pretty screwed up about the whole father thing and thought she was in love with this guy...is all rather complicated really. The only way she knew how to express love was by physically showing him. Anyway, she ended up losing her virginity to him, and started boasting about it because she was so confused.

    Sure, in this case the guy did take advantage of her, but was much more to it than that...

    Things in life aren't always as straight forward as the sometimes seem.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay, enough with the psychodynamic approach! i hear were you're coming from latas, but really she's just bigheaded over everything! We all know she was with the guy for about two months, but mine and her circle of mutual friends tip the wink that she's lying to make herself look big! In which case she's just a big whore with no self respect or restraint since the relationship ended after they supposedly shagged... thus if she's not lying, it all points to the fact (which she doesn't quite grasp) that he'd simply got what he wanted and moved on. Come to think of it, I'm just kind of sorry for her now...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    age isn't always everything... of course, if you're shagging someone twice your age it is concerning (especially if you're only 15)...
    but I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 25 and it's really not as weird as it sounds. We get along great, have the same friends, we're both out of school and working, we enjoy the same things.... my parents are 15 years apart, as well. so it's possible to love someone who is much older than you are.

    i think it's incredibly insensitive of you to call your "friend" a whore. obviously she's going through some pretty weird stuff right now and needs your support, not your critisism.

    if i have this straight, your friend and this man were dating for two months, at the end of this two months, they had sex, and then they broke up.

    what seems most likely to me is that this man thought for some sick reason that it would be great to have sex with a 15 year old and did whatever it took to get her to sleep with him. people can be very clever, especially if they have a goal in mind. it looks to me that your friend was taken advantage of and lied to. she will probably realize this in time.

    the other possible scenario is that the man truly cared for your friend and thought some kind of relationship could be possible, but after they had sex he realized the mistake he'd made and broke it off because of guilt.

    either way, you should try and help your friend move on, and date people her own age.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    amadee, I was using the term 'whore' playfully, but still you're right it's a bit harsh! This girl isn't the type to mind that kind of thing, mind. When it comes to her being taken advantage of, I'm just saddened that she was so ready to go in 'like a bull in a china shop' without thinking about what was really going on... I think her big headedness makes her feel invulnerable, but the pride she seems to have for the little practicle pensioner shagging incident is probably a rouse to hide the fact that she wishes she hadn't...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by latas:
    Hiya, could be as easy as what Turtle said, but could also be much more to it than that.

    Just to give an example, have a friend whose father left when she was 3. She didn't have a father figure, and when she was about 14 met a guy old enough to be her father who treated her really well. She was still pretty screwed up about the whole father thing and thought she was in love with this guy...is all rather complicated really. The only way she knew how to express love was by physically showing him. Anyway, she ended up losing her virginity to him, and started boasting about it because she was so confused.

    Sure, in this case the guy did take advantage of her, but was much more to it than that...

    Things in life aren't always as straight forward as the sometimes seem.

    Woahhhhhhhhhhh horsy!!!
    Has no-one ever though that shes mature???
    Look ok it might be because she needs a father figure, she's doing it to boast or spite other ppl. but i know someone who got engaged at 16 to her fella who's 31 and i was warey until i met him.
    He does everythign right... asked her dad if they could get engaged, booking it for St. Lucia......it's sweet!!!

    But to make things worse, he used to date her older sister.....

    My point is that, if shes happy then you shouldn't worry about it. If shes sleeping with Tom, Dick or harry a different dday of the week then i'd talk to her bout it (thats just stupid)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think her big headedness makes her feel invulnerable, but the pride she seems to have for the little practicle pensioner shagging incident is probably a rouse to hide the fact that she wishes she hadn't...

    that could be so... the first time i had sex i wished i hadn't so i turned around and had sex more... sounds weird i know, but people overcompensate.

    I think Kat was right in saying that if she's happy you shouldn't worry about it. Didn't you say at the beginning that she's a "casual friend"? It's great that you're concerned and care about her, but it really is her business. If she comes to you for help then try to talk to her about it and offer your point of view, but otherwise let it go. It'll probably help her move on if her friends aren't all gossiping about what she did.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey there amadee, i used 'casual' to sort of compensate for any sexual connotations that might have been there. Her and I are good pals, and she talked about her experiences with me and others openly (boastfully), I was trying to avoid "there's something more to this" syndrome that sometimes arises when posting on forums.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It might just be that she is doing it just to show off how wonderful and attractive she is and if it is just an ego boost then hey leave the girl alone let her have her fun no ones getting hurt r they? if it really comes down to the point where u can't take her going on and on about how great it was well then just tell her (nicely) to shut the f*** up no one wants to here about your sex life anymore

    I know I'm not perfect but I can smile
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'll get my coat.

    I'll get the dynamite, you stay away from it!
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