how important is sex?

Former Member

hey everyone, :wave:
i'm female and 21 years old now and im still a virgin. not only that but I've never had a boyfriend either. I don't consider myself to be bad looking, people would say im average when I've asked them.

I'm at uni now and don't really subscribe to the whole drinking culture thing, mostly because im terribly shy and feel socially awkward when im around a lot of people. im not looking to lose my virginity or anything, but I would really like to make an effort to be social and find a boyfriend. (and move on to sex later on in the relationship)

I just wanted to know how likely it is that i'ld be able to find a guy who wants to be with me and not have sex straight away? I mean how long do guys think is too long to wait? will guys instantly reject me just for being a virgin?

am I stereotyping guys as being sex hungry? perhaps there are guys out there who really don't care about sex and can wait indefinitely, or do I have an accurate view?

Former Member

Hey.

I think it's possible as long as you look in the right places. Classes, clubs with people with similar interests etc...

It might be good thing that you don't subscribe to the drinking culture. Because a lot of the guys who do are probably after a quick ****.

But you are stereotyping a bit. There are lots of guys who would happily be patient (but you might have to accept they are also shy/socially awakward)

Bottom line....any guy worth his salt will respect your wishes and wait. If he doesn't he isn't right for you.

Good luck :yes:

Former Member

Agreed, a night out drinking often isn't the place to meet you future spouse. A class mate, friend of a friend, study buddy, member of a club you're in are all better options.

Former Member

To me, sex is an important part of the relationship -- just not THE most important part. A relationship devoid of any sexual intimacy eventually dries out. Of course, I'm assuming we're not talking about an elderly couple. There's no question that sexual activity should be expected to slow down with age.

Former Member

RT92 wrote: »

am I stereotyping guys as being sex hungry? perhaps there are guys out there who really don't care about sex and can wait indefinitely, or do I have an accurate view?

Not all men out there are sex-fiends who only want women for one thing. Now, I say this as a man who has always had an insanely high sex drive, but any man who would instantly reject another person simply because they're not guaranteed a quick lay isn't somebody you should be bothering with in the first place. Anybody who is worth it will bide their time and get to know you, as you bide yours and get to know them.

You should always remember too that sex is almost always best when both people involved feel ready and (above all) comfortable with what is happening, especially if it's the first time for one of them. So bear that in mind when looking for a potential significant other, and never feel pressured into doing something that you're not comfortable with.

Now onto the other part: socializing. This comes in many forms, especially at University. I recommend that you look into any after hours social clubs that you may be interested in, as I find it's very easy to find other people with similar interests to you at those.

I hope this has been of some help

Former Member

thank you for your replies, you've been a great help. its always good to get different perspectives on things :-)

you're defiantly right, bars and nightclub might not be the best place to meet decent guys. sorry for stereotyping I don't get out much and sometimes I feel like I don't really understand other peoples motives, think I defiantly need to make an effort to get to know genuine people.
I'll try out some more clubs or societies that interest me, hopefully i'll get to know some more like-minded individuals.

thanks again xx

Former Member

Hi RT92, my friend has a similar issue with large groups, she finds it easier to connect with people on their own, so if you give that a shot you could manage to identify a decent guy, a 'diamond in the rough' as it were, that you could form a bond with, and the fact is if they have a shred of decency they will be willing to wait until you are ready, because there's no point having sex(/losing your virginity) if you aren't completely ready. And there's no need to worry about being rejected for being a virgin, it's nothing to be ashamed of, the stereotype is sadly true on the most part, however there is a surprising number of guys that are often caring towards the person rather than the sex. Hold on in there and I'm sure you'll get an amazing guy who'll like you for you not the pure possibility of sex with you :thumb: ~J~