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Having a parent with depression.

*BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
in Sex & Relationships
Hey guys.

Sorry if this thread doesnt make much sense. I think it could end up like a ramble. Sorry.

My mum has depression and has done for years. I am struggling at the minute. We dont really have a relationship and I find it hard to know what mood she is gonna be in every day. I dread coming home from work worried about how she is going to be.

I know my mum loves me and I love her. I just wish I had a relationship with her.

I have mood swings and suffer from bad thoughts on a daily basis, since refusing cbt and stopping my meds support has been through thesite.org which does help. I just wish I could talk to my mum about how I am feeling, she doesnt think anything is wrong with me. I feel so isolated and just want a relationship with her.

I know she has alot to deal with and I feel guilty for even typing this post cos it is making me out to be heartless cos of how much my mum is dealing with.

I guess I am just looking for some advice and if anyone else could relate to me, I feel pretty alone at the minute in feeling like this. :(

Sorry for the ramble.

Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
" And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My mother has been dealing with depression for a number of years, she has good and bad days. She can often be in quite a catatonic state from time to time until she snaps out of it very quickly. She's not angry or forceful in anyway, but she can certainly get frustrated with herself, especially when people may take her non attentiveness as some kind of rudeness. I remember when I was younger that she was often disappear for hours at a time (but only if my dad was around to look after me and my brother) when she got really stressed (those days never really catatonic). I know every situation is different, but I can certainly emphasise with how you are feeling. Always here for a random chat about things if you want.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yep my mum has suffered for most of her life. It all came to a head 3 years ago when she was sectioned. She got the treatment she needs and is now much more stable but it's always in the back of my mind that she (and my dad) are hiding stuff from me.

    Then again not sharing stuff is a family trait

    It is very very hard to get total disclosure from someone with mental illness. Just let her know you are there for her.

    Is she getting professional help?

    Definitely don't feel guilty about having issues of your own btw.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you for both replies. I am sorry to hear you both have been through or going through similar, it is so tough at times. Thanks for the offer of a chat G-Raffe :)

    Yeah she is on medication and has had counseling, for years.

    I shouldn't even be like this, feeling like this when I know how much she has to deal with. Wish I could stop feeling guilty :(
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *BananaMonkey* wrote: »
    Thank you for both replies. I am sorry to hear you both have been through or going through similar, it is so tough at times. Thanks for the offer of a chat G-Raffe :)

    Yeah she is on medication and has had counseling, for years.

    I shouldn't even be like this, feeling like this when I know how much she has to deal with. Wish I could stop feeling guilty :(

    I know how you feel, knowing what my mum has gone through my "problems" seem pretty trivial in comparison so i probably wouldn't talk to her about them.

    But you are your own person with your own problems. That's perfectly ok....there might always be someone worse off than us but that doesn't make our problems unimportant.

    Also here if you fancy a talk at any point.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I guess. Just finding things really hard atm.

    Thankyou for the offer of a chat :)

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Just gone downstairs to make some food, and my mum was in a bad mood, and I spoke to her and she completely had ago at me, and said I don't care about her or anyone and I only care about myself. I didn't know she was in a bad mood, and it's left me feeling really low and wanted to harm. :'(
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey Claire,

    Just thought I'd check in to see how you're doing today. How was the rest of your weekend? Have you spoken to your mum again?
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Im ok. Not looking forward to getting home. Yeah talked to her but not much.. rest of weekend I stayed out of the way. I am away with a friend this weekend so looking forward to that. Break will do me good..


    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    :'(

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Heya, how are things today?

    It's nice to have the weekend to look forward to. Do you have any specific plans with your friend?
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Im ok. Work is good :) erm just chilling spending time with her. Dvds cinema etc :) fun things

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Glad you're okay and that work is good. :)
    The weekend does sound fun!
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Yeah. Feeling bit worried as I am near home. Ill be fine just being pathetic. :(

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Got home. Mum was feeling rubbish she is due to finish counseling.. I went up stairs and she came up and told me that I dont care about anyone else cos I havent asked how she is. I cant do anything right. :'(

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Mums finished counselling. Shes so upset and she just keeps taking everything out on me

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Things are so bad at the minute :'(

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hugs <3

    Sent from my KFTT using Tapatalk 2
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you Ellie. ♡ loveyoulots :)

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi *BananaMonkey* ,

    Sorry to hear things are bad at the moment :(

    It must be hard for her to have stopped counselling. Is there any way she can continue?

    Have you been able to speak to your mum about how you feel? You say she doesn't think anything is wrong with you so perhaps opening up to her when you feel the time is right could help.

    There is no reason why you should feel guilty, seems like you are trying very hard to be there for her. Its positive that she's getting help, and its also important for you to focus on yourself sometimes too. There is nothing selfish about that *hug*

    Have a look at our article that could help on supporting someone with mental health
    There is also a very good Step finder article on Building a support network around depression and self harm.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you for your reply. I have just been avoiding her at the minute, that is what she wanted. So I am feeling okay. But I can't talk to her about how I am feeling, it's not fair on her.

    I will have a look at those articles, they could help me. :)

    I am just taking everything day by day at the minute, today I have felt okay, and feel quite positive, but I never know when that will all change. But while I am feeling like this I am happy. I just think talking to my mum right now how she feels will not benefit either of us. Things should be okay soon, I hope
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Rang my mum earlier on the way home from work, and she was just crying to me.. I can't deal with this anymore. I want to help, but she doesn't even want me to be around her.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    My mum just told me to leave the house cos I said I can't deal with her shouting at my little sister over and over and taking everything out on me. Am I that much of a horrible person
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey Claire,

    It sounds like you had a difficult evening. How are things today?
    From what you said, it seems like your mum was having a bad day yesterday. You're certainly not a horrible person - you clearly care a lot about her even if she struggles to see that.

    Have you managed to have a look at the articles that christele linked to? Are they helpful?

    I hope today's better. Keep us updated :)
    JPick
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I havent seen my mum this morning and I am at work now.

    Erm not had chance yet. I have spent most of the time either at work or in my room upset.

    I just feel horrible. :/

    Thank you for the reply

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thursday night had a nice chat with my mum about work worries and since then we seem to be getting along okay. I like it when we get along.

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's great :thumb:

    Hopefully things will continue to improve with open communication.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thanks ella. I guess sometimes I just dont want to talk to her cos of what she has to deal with. And I think cos I am 24 I should be able to deal with things better.


    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Age doesn't make you more or less able to deal with things. You're caring and sensitive, age doesn't make a difference to that.

    Supporting someone with depression (or other mental health condition) when you too are struggling is tough and can put a strain on any relationship. It's very easy to feel pushed away or hurt because if their actions, when all you want to do is help, but try to remember that it isn't you
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you so much.. ♡ :-)

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk 2
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Things go so tough all of a sudden, arguments, currently sat in my room wanting to cry. Nothing stays nice for that long anymore. :(
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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