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Need Help - suicidal thoughts

HannHann Posts: 3,434 Boards Guru
Hi,
Well nearly a month ago, I started this thing called the challenge, I can't explain what it is as it takes ages. The first week is called the personal challenge, we went scotland, and we went hiking, on the way back we was walking near the edge of a cliff and i kept saying to myself to jump off of it. The second week is called the team challenge,we stayed at uni halls, one night i kept saying to myself to go into the kitchen and get one of the knives and to cut myself. The next day i ended up getting a pen and actually cutting myself with it. At the challenge i spoke to my senior mentor and the leader. Since the challenge has finished the thoughts have been growing on me and I have no one to talk to about them. The leader at the challenge suggested to go and see my GP, however I get scared when i go because i feel embarrassed, so i don't know what to do. I would really like to get rid of these thoughts altogether. If anyone can help, please do before i actually end up listening to my thoughts. Thanks

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One thing I learned when originally dealing with my anxiety issues was that "no matter how small the issue, if it's having a negative effect on you it's a BIG ENOUGH problem".

    I know the pain of having a doctor that doesn't take you seriously, but if you are having these sorts of thoughts... well, damn that's a LOT more serious than I've ever had.

    Go see the doctor. Please. You could find exactly what you need. Won't say it'll be easy to go, or easy to say... maybe write it down on a note and hand it to the doctor if the words get stuck in your mouth?


    But please don't leave it. Alive there is always hope, no matter how slim or nonexistant it seems. Dead... there is NO hope. At all.
  • AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    Hello HannIsNotOnFire,

    Amazing Name, I'm a massive fan of Dan and Phil myself :) How are you?

    Gawd, you did the Challenge, isn't it like amazing? I took part in the NCS to, and we went away, an it was amazing. Personally loved it myself, and did have to face my own struggles while away on the residential climbing on edge of rocks, I to, told myself, I could just jump. I know I could't. I was attached to this string, I could of taken myself off. Its difficult. So, I know what you're going through. Did you even speak to your Youth worker about things that were going on for you? I found just having someone to talk to be useful while away on the out doors residential.

    Suicidal thoughts are difficult to cope with, and you're not alone, so a massive well done for reaching out to members on here, I'm proud of you, has it helped writing down your thoughts on the message boards? Are you currently getting any form of support, like therapy? It's not uncommon feeling embarrassed going to your doctor over something like this, but as you said, the thoughts are getting worst, I was quite scared when I first reached out for support myself, however I got support on here and from my friends to take the next step.

    If you're feeling suicidal tonight, and at risk, I urge you to go to A&E and reach out for support their, or you can phone Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90, I've never contacted Sams personally, however, I have E-mailed them and you can E-mail them at Jo@Samaritans.org.

    TheSite.org have a very useful article of support around Feeling suicidal, again, it something you might want to check out :) - http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/depression/feelingsuicidal Feeling suicidal can leave you feeling rather lonely, however, you've taken an amazing step to reach out on here!

    Mindfull a new website supporting young people under 18 with mental health issues might also be useful, you can can get online counselling and support from mentors you're own age. I'm guessing you're under 18 as you took part in The Challenge? However, I also do recommend going to your GP to, I know it's nerve wrecking, but you can always write everything down and give it to your GP, it might be easier to talk then :)

    Best wishes, and please do keep us updates,
    Angel
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :heart:
  • HannHann Posts: 3,434 Boards Guru
    Hi, Thanks for actually responding :)
    The thing is, I was searching through going to uni (even though i'm only 16) and it says that they will do a health check, on the course i want to do, and if I go to the doctors it will be put on record and then the university will see what has happened in the past and then i won't be able to do that course. Also if I write it down then they will ask me questions and i can't write them down again because that would be stupid.
    Sorry for being awkward about it, and thanks again for replying
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The thing is, I was searching through going to uni (even though i'm only 16) and it says that they will do a health check, on the course i want to do, and if I go to the doctors it will be put on record and then the university will see what has happened in the past and then i won't be able to do that course. Also if I write it down then they will ask me questions and i can't write them down again because that would be stupid.

    OK, so firstly they probably won't request your records from your doctor. And if they do it is up to you how much you disclose; you and your GP can talk about this nearer the time.

    Episodes of depression and anxiety are really unlikely to have as profound an effect on your acceptance to university as it feels like they will.

    Writing things down is a starting point, dialogue in the room obviously does have to be "in person" but I've heard it said a lot that getting started is the hardest bit. If you can get into the room, you're well over half way there.

    [video]http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/meetinghealthprofessionals[/video]

    This video focuses on self-harm but a lot of the feelings and experiences about seeing a doctor resonate with what I read in your post so it might be helpful to you.

    Good luck.
  • HannHann Posts: 3,434 Boards Guru
    Hey, thanks :) Im good, better than yesterday that is :)

    Yeah I did the challenge, sort of not looking forward to the bit in September though :( Well the leader there is a psychologist (well forensic psychologist) and when I told him what happened, he really helped me and made me realize that i shouldn't be doing it, however he was ill on the last week so the thoughts got worse than the last 2 weeks.
    It has helped me, because I seem to have people that actually care for me. I'm not in any sort of therapy for it, because i haven't been to the doctors with it.
    Previously I emailed the Samaritans, however if my thoughts do get worse than they are, because right now the thoughts as visual, i will re-email them.
    I will take a look at their website thanks :) and yes I am under 18. I don't want to go on my own but I also don't want to go with my mum and i don't live with my dad so he's out of the option as well.
    Thanks so much Angel :)
  • HannHann Posts: 3,434 Boards Guru
    piccolo wrote: »
    OK, so firstly they probably won't request your records from your doctor. And if they do it is up to you how much you disclose; you and your GP can talk about this nearer the time.

    Episodes of depression and anxiety are really unlikely to have as profound an effect on your acceptance to university as it feels like they will.

    Writing things down is a starting point, dialogue in the room obviously does have to be "in person" but I've heard it said a lot that getting started is the hardest bit. If you can get into the room, you're well over half way there.

    [video]http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/meetinghealthprofessionals[/video]

    This video focuses on self-harm but a lot of the feelings and experiences about seeing a doctor resonate with what I read in your post so it might be helpful to you.

    Good luck.

    Oh right, It's just the way they wrote it i thought they would. I am extremely scared to go to the doctors as I am running out of excuses to stop me from going. And thanks i will have a look at the video
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