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Casual relationships etiquette and so much more
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all, new to the site. Ready for along post! Here goes.
Am 36 years old and was married for 12 years. I have two kids and we separated last year and its amicable and we still get along well. My marriage was unemotional and unsexual on my partners part and in the end that's why we split.
I've been seeing someone who lives in another state about once a month. We have until recently spent hours and hours messaging and talking and we have a crazy sexual chemistry that is undeniable. Hes sexy, emotional and He treats me wonderfully. Whats the problem then? hes never going to move to be with me. Its lonely doing the distance thing and i need more thats readily available. He's an ex heroin addict is on a detox programme and is apparently clean but that whole world scares me and I'm not sure if he's always straight up about it. I'm successful and set up financially but he isn't. He barely has anything and has a bad history with drink driving and a huge huge amount of debt in his name. So maybe I thought I can "fix" him? Maybe I thought my ways and the way I live would rub off on him? I don't know really why I'd persue someone like that.
If you'd told me last year that's where I'd be I'd have laughed at you. Maybe it's the physicality of it all that I'd craved for so long that I haven't been able to see past that? So two weeks ago I went on a dating site....god knows why. Wanted to test the waters and see who I could attract I guess and boost my ego
Got lots of messages many just saying "wanna f#%@" but I got one from a really friendly guy who's my age and pretty cute. We flirted a bit via text during the week and he took he out for dinner and drinks and we ended up back at his place. You know how the story goes. So now I'm not sure on the etiquette on this relationship. Are we just sex buddies? He said that he'd had a little casual sex since a relationship breakdown 2 years ago but was looking also to find someone to spend good time with and dinners etc. if I put out on the first date I'm obviously not relationship material am I? Hahaha.
We are seeing each other again in a couple of days and he has contined messaging me since we last saw each other. So question is...how do I know if it's just sex he wants or maybe more? Do I just play it really cool? I do like him and there's certainly a spark there and He's not an ex druggie and has a great job blah blah. Any constructive advise welcome. Thanks
Am 36 years old and was married for 12 years. I have two kids and we separated last year and its amicable and we still get along well. My marriage was unemotional and unsexual on my partners part and in the end that's why we split.
I've been seeing someone who lives in another state about once a month. We have until recently spent hours and hours messaging and talking and we have a crazy sexual chemistry that is undeniable. Hes sexy, emotional and He treats me wonderfully. Whats the problem then? hes never going to move to be with me. Its lonely doing the distance thing and i need more thats readily available. He's an ex heroin addict is on a detox programme and is apparently clean but that whole world scares me and I'm not sure if he's always straight up about it. I'm successful and set up financially but he isn't. He barely has anything and has a bad history with drink driving and a huge huge amount of debt in his name. So maybe I thought I can "fix" him? Maybe I thought my ways and the way I live would rub off on him? I don't know really why I'd persue someone like that.
If you'd told me last year that's where I'd be I'd have laughed at you. Maybe it's the physicality of it all that I'd craved for so long that I haven't been able to see past that? So two weeks ago I went on a dating site....god knows why. Wanted to test the waters and see who I could attract I guess and boost my ego
Got lots of messages many just saying "wanna f#%@" but I got one from a really friendly guy who's my age and pretty cute. We flirted a bit via text during the week and he took he out for dinner and drinks and we ended up back at his place. You know how the story goes. So now I'm not sure on the etiquette on this relationship. Are we just sex buddies? He said that he'd had a little casual sex since a relationship breakdown 2 years ago but was looking also to find someone to spend good time with and dinners etc. if I put out on the first date I'm obviously not relationship material am I? Hahaha.We are seeing each other again in a couple of days and he has contined messaging me since we last saw each other. So question is...how do I know if it's just sex he wants or maybe more? Do I just play it really cool? I do like him and there's certainly a spark there and He's not an ex druggie and has a great job blah blah. Any constructive advise welcome. Thanks
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Comments
This will be your undoing. I would stay well off that. Mostly for reasons you already mentioned in your post but probably fail to see as alarm bells right now as you are desperately grasping at an opportunity to not be alone.
This is obviously something you need to discuss with him. Just because someone puts out on the first date does not necessarily mean he or she is not relationship material. We don't know this guy and barely know anything about you. If you want clarity about what your relation with this guy is, you will have to talk about it with him.
alone. The physicality of the relationship and the love he has for me is what has kept me hanging in there but in reality I can't change him and nor should he have too. With regards to the new casual relationship when do I bring the subject up? After a 4-5 dates? I just want to know if he's sleeping with other people so I know where I stand. Your right in saying I am desperate not to be alone and it's even more so wanting to be desired as I wasn't for so so many years
Sounds reasonable. After you've seen each other for a couple of times it is your right to know what you are in for. Not saying it is not a bit difficult to bring it up, because you obviously wish that you both want the same thing, so you either ask and add your stance on it (leaning more towards relationship, which might influence his answer), or you plainly ask and have him answer with him being in the dark. I personally like option#1 better. And maybe do it at the end of a date, so you don't have to endure a awkward and disappointing date if you realize you don't want the same thing.