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Racism in daily course of life

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This may be a wee bit long, I warn you now.

As some of you already know, I am half Kenyan and half Indian. I tend to think of myself as Indian though. Obviously my skin colour is brown, but it's more the culture I'm concentrating on in this post.

Recently myself and my 7 (female, white) friends have begun to hang out with 2 white guys. They are both wonderful guys... decent, kind, a laugh and really good mates. I've grown really fond of them, and we all get on great.

The only problem comes when we hang out. In the place I live, there's quite a high concentration of Asians. Whenever I'm out with the guys (I'll call them D and M), it's a nightmare. No matter that I'm with 7 other females, the fact that I'm with D and M is enough to earn me the most disgusted looks from Asians we pass in the street. I get on better with D, and we'll hang back from the others sometimes, walk together and talk. I get terrible looks from Asians because of this, and I've been whispered about and shouted at because of it.

I have to point out now that the Asians who do this are first generation, of the same as my nan. As a direct result, I have to be constantly on my toes when out with the guys. I have to constantly look over my shoulder, trying to see if the woman looking at me is a friend of the family. If she was, the news that I was out with white boys would be home before I was.

My friends tell me to not worry about it, but I can't help it. This has been going on for a year now and I'm at my wits end. I don't know how to deal with the situation. If my family finds out I'm out with the guys, I don't know what would happen.

Any replies appreciated, and sorry it was a bit long :)

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmm.... old fashioned family huh??

    I think about 80% of the population of this country is white, seems somewhat ridiculous that your family expects you to only socialise with the small Asian minority.

    Just to get a bit of background on the situation, are you expected to marry an Asian guy?? Do your family expect you to still hold to traditional Asian values throughout your life?? Have you only ever had Asian b/f's before??
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In the order you asked, LoL...
    Are you expected to marry an Asian guy??

    Yes, worse luck. If he isn't Asian, he's not suitable, no matter how damn clever, funny, good looking he may be.

    Do your family expect you to still hold to traditional Asian values throughout your life??

    Most probably, I don't think they'd approve if I was to suddenly break the mould of how they expect me to live my life.

    Have you only ever had Asian b/f's before??

    Nope, white guys, but they were those silly little relationships that didn't mean anything.

    I should make it clear right now that I'm a Hindu, so none of the burkha wearing and such applies to me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow, that's a pretty strict regime your parents have set out for the rest of your life....

    I'm gonna guess that you're probably at an age where you want more independance anyway; when everyone runs up against their parents wishes and expectations. Hell, my parents expected me to grow up to be a Doctor or Lawyer or something :)

    I guess this is gonna depend a lot on your parents and what your relationship is like with them. In your position I'd go for a pre-emptive strike and actually talk to them openly about it so you don't have to worry about them hearing about it through neighbours/friends etc.

    Your parents want the best for you, from their POV that means an Asian guy. If you have white friends, why can you not have white friends who also happen to be male?? Considering that you're in a white-dominated country that can't be too much for your parents to grasp.

    You've got to tell them that having restrictions imposed on you in terms of the race of your friends does make you feel uncomfortable and explain why. In a sense these attitudes are no better than the racism that I'm sure both you and your parents have experienced, a "them and us" attitude.

    On the other hand you've got to respect your parents wishes too, but there must be some common ground that you can work to that leaves both you and your parents happy. If everyone did exactly what their parents wanted we'd all grow up to be incredibly tedious and dull, but neither can you ignore everything they say.

    Why not invite D & M to your house and introduce them to your parents, that way they can meet and speak to your friends without having to guess who they are.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah thanks, I think I may give that a whirl :) Again, thanks a lot Lord, your advice means a lot :)
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