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I'm so not over my ex!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Me and Joe broke up in 2011. The reason i broke it off was because his best friend was vile to me, and i didn't want to been seen to be splitting them up, but I really didn't want to have anything to do with his best friend anymore and that was going to be very difficult. I also felt me had no time for me - on top of working full time he has a semi successful band, he does film production, he plays dungeons and dragons every Thursday, and he has loads of friends who he spends time with. Oh and he's an avid gamer! So there really didn't feel like there was much time for me in his life for me. We live very near each other so we've kept in touch. Both of us have had failed relationships since then, and have often talked to each other about them. He helped me hugely in empowering me so I felt able to tell my last abusive boyfriend to fuck off.

I went to get my eyes tested today where he works. He actually came down to see if I was finished several times whilst I was having my test. He came down after I'd finished and threw his arms around me. We could only talk for 5 mins because he was on reception upstairs and couldn't leave it for long, but he told me how good I look and how good it was to see me and how good it was to see me. I instantly had that butterflies feeling and felt myself beaming. I miss him so much. Not because he's a guy I'm attracted to, but because I miss just being around him, hearing his voice, having hugs, the way he can make me smile.

I don't know what to do. I miss him, and given the chance I'd like to get back with him, but I don't want him to have to give up his passions. I don't know if I should broach the subject, or if I how I just let it go. I'm always going to have a soft spot for him, but I really don't know what to do.

Help!!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One question: if you didn't tell him how you feel, would you regret it?

    If yes: Tell him. Maybe he wouldn't have to give up all of his passions? Sounds like you still have feelings for him, and he still sounds interested in you.

    If no: Leave it.

    For clarity, when you said " Not because he's a guy I'm attracted to" did you mean you don't find him attractive (because that changes my advice!) or did you mean that you find him great to be around, looks and personality wise?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't say if I'd regret it or not...I think I might but...urgh, how and just oh so sodding difficult!

    I'm attracted to him looks and personality wise. He has a cracking 'tash for starters :)
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hey MissRiot, how often do you spend time with this guy at the moment? Do you meet up regularly as friends, or do you tend to just have chance meetings like yesterday?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We were regularly meeting up but I've only seen him once or twice in the past couple of months. It feels silly when I think about it. But...I really can't be sure of myself.

    Maybe I have blown it out of proportion.
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    It sounds like this is someone who gave you a boost, and that maybe spending a bit more time with him again will give you some perspective. :)

    How about making a suggestion to hang out sometime in the near future? Try not to pin all your hopes on this man being the future love of your life, but perhaps just think about enjoying his company for a bit?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's what I'm trying to do but he's hard to pin down. I'm going to suggest we meet up over the weekend and just see where it goes.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I found myself crying this morning (I was reading the thread about things to do in Plymouth, and that was our last weekend away together), realising just how much of a bitch I was, how I totally talked myself into it, and how I didn't give him a chance. I also realised I was in a crappy headspace. I couldn't really love him and now that's very different.

    He did so much for me and I totally took it for granted.

    I was talking to my ma and she suggested I wrote him an email apologising for how I was and just leave it at that. Declaring feelings I'm not 100% sure about is not a good idea. But I'm not sure what an apology would achieve either.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Personally I'd go for trying to do some social stuff and see how it goes
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Meeting up with him today...I'm scared shitless.

    This was an email i wrote to him but didn't send.

    Dear joe

    This letter will probably not come close to making the amends that need to be made. I'd like to say that I hadn't the guts to say these things sooner, but the honest truth is I was probably too wrapped up in myself to be able to make sense of it.

    That day when you first told me about *him getting together with his ex* I wanted you back more than I could have ever explained. It was only shortly before that I had started to see I was the how much i was the one in the wrong. Since then I keep making little revelations, but suddenly just after I saw you last, it all hit me in the face. How I took you for granted, how I held you to higher standards than myself, how I held you responsible for someone else's actions and how I didn't give you a proper second chance.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We spoke on the phone because he's unwell...

    I told him how I feel...

    He told me he's seeing someone :(

    Owch!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aww hun, that must have been hard :( Well done you for managing to tell him how you feel though. Hopefully once the initial knock passes it will help to at least know where you stand.

    Big hugs *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been thinking about how I've been letting all of this stuff take up too much time and space in my life. Of course relationships are pretty good I've got other stuff in my life which needs attending to. I'm replying to one last person on okcupid and then shutting my profile down.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I did shut down my Okcupid account and I was starting to feel a bit like I'm the broken doll left on the shelf.

    It didn't help that I went to a festival today with my mum and a friend to see my ex play - he is a very good musician and I haven't seen him play in years. We didn't realise until after the set that we were sat right next to his ex. Seeing them kiss hurt me so much - and it shouldn't. I know i'm beating myself up over this but FFS! its been over 2 years since we split up. I can't carry on feeling like this forever.
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