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My brother-in-law's girlfriend...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I apologize for the length of this coming story.
My husband and his brother used to be extremely close, and I felt as though all three of us were really good friends. We went to concerts together, took vacations together, even watched movies at home together, at one point he almost moved in with us!
In November 2012 he started talking to a girl who lived a few cities away. She was 18, and seemingly mature for her age, so we thought she was going to be a great match for him. Well, that was until she moved to our town, moving in with her aunt so she could spend time with him. Everything was great at first, I even asked her to be a bridesmaid at our wedding!
Everything since has gone straight down hill. She's abrasive, immature and she acts "tough." He still lives with my in-laws and he asked if she could move in. They said no way, and yet she stays there at least 4 nights a week and even stays there when he's at work. (She, of course, doesn't have a job.) She is there for dinner almost nightly and its costing his parents a small fortune to have her there. However, since he's the youngest child and a "miracle baby" they won't tell him know! He's walking all over them and is disrespecting them at every turn. It makes me furious! His parents are the nicest people and he is using them and thinks nothing of it. She also knows they don't want her living there but she stays around.
He changes around her. They are all over each other (PDA to the max) and it's really uncomfortable to be around. We were all at their parents for a dinner and we (my husband and I and his parents) were watching a movie and joking around and having fun, and they were laying on the floor on the opposite side of the room totally keeping to themselves. But anytime we'd laugh at a joke he'd get all defensive and act like we weren't including them.
On top of that, he won't hang out with us anymore. Any moment he has, he spends with her, which has led to a huge falling out between my husband and him, which breaks my heart. We even feel bad about trying to see his parents because we wait for his brother and girlfriend to leave, but then it's his parents only alone time, so we feel like we can't see anyone.
I try to be friendly to her but I'm just becoming more and more resentful the longer they are together.
Help? :[
My husband and his brother used to be extremely close, and I felt as though all three of us were really good friends. We went to concerts together, took vacations together, even watched movies at home together, at one point he almost moved in with us!
In November 2012 he started talking to a girl who lived a few cities away. She was 18, and seemingly mature for her age, so we thought she was going to be a great match for him. Well, that was until she moved to our town, moving in with her aunt so she could spend time with him. Everything was great at first, I even asked her to be a bridesmaid at our wedding!
Everything since has gone straight down hill. She's abrasive, immature and she acts "tough." He still lives with my in-laws and he asked if she could move in. They said no way, and yet she stays there at least 4 nights a week and even stays there when he's at work. (She, of course, doesn't have a job.) She is there for dinner almost nightly and its costing his parents a small fortune to have her there. However, since he's the youngest child and a "miracle baby" they won't tell him know! He's walking all over them and is disrespecting them at every turn. It makes me furious! His parents are the nicest people and he is using them and thinks nothing of it. She also knows they don't want her living there but she stays around.
He changes around her. They are all over each other (PDA to the max) and it's really uncomfortable to be around. We were all at their parents for a dinner and we (my husband and I and his parents) were watching a movie and joking around and having fun, and they were laying on the floor on the opposite side of the room totally keeping to themselves. But anytime we'd laugh at a joke he'd get all defensive and act like we weren't including them.
On top of that, he won't hang out with us anymore. Any moment he has, he spends with her, which has led to a huge falling out between my husband and him, which breaks my heart. We even feel bad about trying to see his parents because we wait for his brother and girlfriend to leave, but then it's his parents only alone time, so we feel like we can't see anyone.
I try to be friendly to her but I'm just becoming more and more resentful the longer they are together.
Help? :[
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Comments
First off, I know this must be annoying for the rest of the family. It probably feels like she is intruding on family life, and disrupting how things were. However, if this is who your brother in law really wants to be with then you're all going to have to accept it.
That doesn't mean you have to like her, but it means you're going to have to deal with her being around and at family meals etc.
If she is mooching off his parents, then it is there responsibility to tell their son and her. Maybe they could sit them both down and say "We're sorry but you need to start chipping in for household bills, we just can't afford it now." or "We'd really like it if you two could spend some time outside the house/look for your own flat" etc I know it will be difficult for them to say this to their son, but there is no other way that it'll change.
You say she's immature, and acts "tough".. how so exactly? Maybe it is just the age gap between you? She is only 18, and that is still very young in the grand scheme of things.
Also, if he's not hanging out with you any more it's because their still in the "moneymoon period". They've been together less than a year, it'll still feel new and amazing and they will want to spend every single second with each other. I'm sure you've had a relationship like that. It changes, gradually, because no one can keep up seeing each other that much it just doesn't work.
On the whole, unfortunately you are just going to have to accept their together. If it really bothers you, then the only other option is to keep your distance from them.