Obnoxious social media flirting.

Former Member

Ok, I've been seeing someone for quite a while now and we are pretty much official now. As in if asked we will say, but we haven't made a big announcement because we don't feel the need to. Anyway, he recently made friends with a girl that lives near him and ever since they became friends on facebook she's been openly flirting with him, rather brazenly for a few weeks now. e.g. Asking if he wants to go for 'walks', offering to model naked for him (he's an artist) and loads of other things. I've been letting it go and just rolling my eyes because it's quite embarrassing to read and hoping his ignoring her would give her the hint to stop. But she knows about us yet is carrying on, even commenting flirty things after me so that I see them. I've never met the girl and I know he has no interest in her as he has assured me. I've mentioned it to him because it's starting to get on my nerves a bit now as it comes across as really shameless and quite disrespectful. But he just ignores it and says unless she physically tries anything it isn't really a problem. But it's making me feel undermined as she just doesn't seem to care and it almost feels like she's trying to sabotage things. However if I say something I'll be the one that looks jealous and it might just give her ammunition. But he also feels awkward and doesn't want to step on anyones toes.
Am I being silly or should I try and sort this somehow?

Former Member

You aren't being silly at all!! Does the guy honestly know how it's making you feel, or have you glossed over it and said that it doesn't bother you too much?

I think to start with you definitely need to be totally honest with him if you haven't been already, and ask him why is he even friends with her in the first place? From what you've said, if he's just ignoring her, then is there really any need for them to be friends on facebook anyway?

Just explain to him that you aren't jealous, it just makes you feel a little uncomfortable- and rightly so! If you were in a bar together and she was openly flirting with him I'm sure you wouldn't just let it carry on. She knows you're together, and should accept that and move on! She's being childish and is probably just trying to wind you up. Don't rise to it, but speak to the guy you're with and ask why he's letting her carry it on and not say anything like "Sorry, I'm with lovely Ballerina and I'd appreciate it if you stopped posting flirty things to me!"

Former Member

I only really bought the issue up last night and said calmly that she was starting to get on my nerves, asked him if she was aware of our situation and he said yes. Which is when I said that she was crossing the line and that she should have some respect and he just said she's not physically acting on it so it isn't a problem. But it's not about the potential cheating, it's about the brazen lack of respect. I'm not sure if she's trying to cause trouble so is just being really obnoxious. But either way, it's not on. I'm going to wait til she says something else (which is most days so it shouldn't take long) and bring it up again and make my feelings more clear with him and ask him to politely put his foot down. If that doesn't work then I might have to suggest deleting her, but I don't want to be the villain.

Former Member

So she just talks to him online? Have they ever met or known each other in person?

Are you guys legitimately dating?

Honestly, no matter what the answer is to any of those questions, I would tell him it upsets you, and if he doesn't care, then tell her to eff off. She's rude and disrespectful and she knows what she's doing.

Then, leave him, because he has no respect for you either apparently.

**helen**

I think it's fair to say that something doesn't have to be 'physical' to be upsetting and disrespectful. Perhaps ask him how he would feel if a guy was doing the same thing on your facebook wall? Even if he says 'I wouldn't care' it might give him some food for thought and a chance to see things from your point of view.

Anyhow, this is totally fair:

I'm going to wait til she says something else (which is most days so it shouldn't take long) and bring it up again and make my feelings more clear with him and ask him to politely put his foot down.

Good luck

Former Member

Thanks. He's so laid back he's horizontal and not the jealous type so I don't think he would actually get jealous if it was the other way around, which makes it all the more annoying. But he has said that he sees what I mean so hopefully another conversation will make matters more clear.

Former Member

Ballerina wrote: »

Thanks. He's so laid back he's horizontal and not the jealous type so I don't think he would actually get jealous if it was the other way around, which makes it all the more annoying. But he has said that he sees what I mean so hopefully another conversation will make matters more clear.

Want me to flirt with you on facebook? See what he does! hahaha.

Seriously though hun, I think waiting till she says something else is the best plan and then speak to him again. He needs to respect that it's making you feel uneasy. If I was you I would have gone mental at them both by now so well done for keeping calm about it all!

Former Member

Haha thanks, I have had to refrain myself from passive aggressive comments back and making obvious references to our relationship. But we're both private people and don't like so splash stuff on fb so I'm not about to start now for the sake of her. She just needs to learn some boundaries or fuck off. I've just never know anyone be so shameless, and I haven't been involved with anyone for years after being single for ages so this is all new territory to me!

Former Member

eurgh I had a very similar thing happen to me but it was in person.

Boyfriend was oblivious to it and didn't see a problem. After knocking me up though, she started to back off. Not that I'm suggesting that :P

Some girls are like that and I don't get it. It's so disrespectful and whatever happened to sisterhood? Don't let her wind you up. Agree with BA and Helen about telling your boyfriend again that he needs to tell her to back off a bit. It isn't indicative of how secure your relationship is or how secure you feel as a person. It's just annoying!!

Former Member

Haha! No, sprogs are not an option at this stage :P I think some girls just get a kick out of hankering after taken men, even if they don't actually want them. Girls are weird, I don't get my own gender half of the time

Former Member

ditto and the men folk are almost always oblivious to underhand bitchy ways :rolleyes:

Former Member

Haha I know! I had to explain to him that girls generally hate each other, well not hate, but we don't trust each other. It's so catty. But when girls act like this it's easy to see why. And he was just like 'yeah most guys get on, sometimes we argue and then we have a beer and play on the xbox afterwards' I wish it was that simple for us.

Former Member

It's because men are more simple than woman in general, we have brains, they have... the ability to do all our DIY when we can't be bothered

Former Member

Update: We became fb official at the end of June (partly to give her a stinking huge hint), she went quiet for a few weeks but it started up again the other night with several comments and one in particular she commented after me on a photo fawning over him (even I don't do it). I bought it up again later on and turns out he'd already blocked her because he got sick of her XD. So that's the end of that! Silly bitch.

Former Member

Yay:hyper: