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Long term relationship break up

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Wowee! I just read through this whole thread after googling something to do with breaking up after a long term relationship. This is because (obviously) my boyfriend of over 3 and a half years broke up with me over the weekend. I'm also so happy to see how much FireyFirenze's life has changed in 3 years :)
My relationship was on the rocks for a while...we lived together with one of his friends (in a 3 bed flat) and have been sleeping in separate bedrooms since probably November last year... Over the whole time we've lived together I was in my fourth (and final) year of university. I had a crazy workload and was super stressed all the time. This turned me into a nag, and I felt like I didn't want to see him or anything like that because uni work was the only thing important to me. I knew it was going to end...but when he said the words "I've not been happy for a long time. I don't want to be with you any more. I don't love you any more. I'm sorry." I just broke down. I immediately wanted nothing more than to be near him, cuddling him, lying on him, talking to him. I tried to get him to agree to another chance because I'm done uni and I didn't want to give it up without a bit of a fight. But he said no, he wants to be alone for a while and he is over me. I think he must have been coming to terms with the end of the relationship while I was busy stressing over uni work for months and months. I've been ignoring all my feelings until now...so I now sort of have to realise my feelings and then learn to let all of them go. I'm finding it especially hard because all I want to do is talk to him, while he is over it and doesn't have any desire to hang out with me etc. The fact we're going to be living together all summer until the lease on the flat is up in September, and the fact I don't have a job yet and therefore don't know anything certain about the future, is all just piling on me and making this much harder. There's also the fact that we discussed flat etiquette now that we've broken up and I said I couldn't handle it if he brought someone else back to our flat - he said he wouldn't and he expected the same of me. But he avoided telling me that he wouldn't do anything with anyone else - whilst NOT in the flat. I know I'm sort of kidding myself pretending this is a bad thing for him to do, but it really hurt me when I realised that he probably will go 'out on the pull' and maybe stay at some other girls' and I will have no right to be upset. The thought of him with someone else is definitely the worst thing, it's like I visualise it in my head :( . I have a history of anxiety problems, the stress of this year really took its toll on me and I had regular panic attacks in the night over the year, so naturally I'm extremely anxious about all of it.
I know that I'll feel better eventually, but I suppose I just wanted to vent on here. So even if nobody reads this or has any advice, I'm just glad I got to put it out there. :)


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiya Wasps91

    First of all, a big welcome to TheSite! I'm glad that reading old threads has helped you a bit and given you the courage to post on here, it can be daunting posting at first, but you've been really brave to open up so much. It's good that getting it all out has helped a little bit too :)

    I'm really sorry to hear about your relationship breaking up. It can be hard when partners move on at different times, even if you know in your heart it's the right decision, you still have to take time to get over a relationship of three and a half years.

    Watching your ex move on to new relationships/flings is one of the most painful parts of breaking up for sure. It sounds like you're both being respectful of each other's feelings though - if you can both be discreet and caring of one another's feelings then you should be able to move forwards.

    As you're new to TheSite I thought I'd give you some links to some of our articles, in case you haven't come across them. Hopefully they'll help you out a bit too:

    Accepting it's over

    Getting over it

    Mates with your ex

    Keep posting to let us know how you are
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks very much for the reply :)

    Yeah, it's always nice to get things out in the open I find. So far things have been going okay, probably because I'm still at my parents' house 100 miles from my flat. I even spoke to him on the phone today and had a short and friendly convo about TV and films and generally what we had been up to.
    I even started trying to come to terms with the fact that at some point he is going to either pull or sleep with someone else...but just now I remembered that he is going to a music festival with his male friends on the first weekend of June, and I've totally started freaking out. I've just got it in my head that he WILL kiss or sleep with someone that weekend. Maybe even multiple girls. This is because not only will he be with his guy friends but he will be drunk, on drugs, and last year his friend who does have a girlfriend even cheated on her at a festival they all went to. Because I'm imagining all this, the pain is all coming back :(
    I think that weekend is going to be really hard to get through - because as much as I will want to find out and assure myself nothing did happen. ..I dont have any right to know any more. And the answer will more than likely hurt me even if I could ask :(
    I'm pretty good at knowing when I'm being silly, and this is sort of one of those times - unhelpful thinking really...but it's really hard not to. It's like I'm trying to imagine the worst so that when it happens I can be prepared, even though I know I won't be.
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