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honesty

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
why do i ask the person i love so much to be honest with me if i know what she is gonna tell me is gonna hurt me so much?? cant remember what i said to her or asked her, but she ended up telling me she was talking to some guy "that nothing happened with" and that they "were in a stage when something would have happened but she got a bf" now that really dents my confidence in this girl. she tells me she has feelings for me but she'd rather talk to her "ex" than the person she supposedly loves. i know they are both good mates but im a bloke *checks* yep im still a bloke (damn i was wanting to take a shower with some boobs to play with.... shit major sidetrack... anyway.....) and its pretty obvious he wants to go out with her but what can i do but believe what she tells me?!?! :( dunno what im saying i dun really want an answer, maybe if some warrented me to go kill him??!?! haha naw im just looking to get this outta me really and this board seems a pretty kewl place to ramble on hehe sorry guys!

SOME1 HUG ME I DUN CARE IF MY POST IS ARSE I WANT A HUG!!
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

***HUG***

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    er, okay.

    *hugs*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hum, not really sure how to help but have some hugs to cheer yaself up I dont like sad people :(

    *HUGS*

    :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like she is messing you about and she has luggage.
    The good news is there is an easy solution.
    If she so much as flinches in the wrong way,ditch and forget her.Problem solved.


    Problem is,its the ex`s..they always have a hidden agenda and if they want something ultimately has this nostaligic way of twisting her arm,"remeber when we went to the zoo or went to see that film,you know the night we..ahem"..and gradually tend to wheel them in,and they become closer and closer friends..and if you interfere and voice your concerns the girl involved will call you jealous and you`ll immediately deny it (which you shouldn`t..you should say you two are getting too close and say whats on your mind-stick by your guns),she`ll think nothings wrong and carry on until on day they kiss or a trigger occurs and BANG!! thats the end,ex has got her back.

    Personally,I don`t take any disrespect like this from anyone,not in an agressive manner,but if a g/f was flirting with an ex,i`d clearly tell her WE are in a relationship and its about respect and trust,and I don`t trust her around him,nor him at all,and your insecure and not happy as you`d never do it to her.

    She will probably act react badly to this to be honest with you,but ignore her ramblings for a couple fo days and see what else has happened.
    She will do 1 of 3 things:
    1)Defy you and get closer,flirt alot more-In which case she is a bitch in diguise,dump her and thank god you got out in time.
    2)Nothing at all,situation stays the same.If nothing improves after you have warned her again,ditch her
    3)Someone who does really love you will keep away from him.and see alot less than him.

    Basically,for us genuine guys these days who aren`t drunk and pissed all the time and work damn hard to make ends meet,the student drunken lad culture is making things dreadful.They have no morals,no concience and make you ashamed to be human sometimes..most girls are no better from the evidence i`ve seen,most are sleeping about like sluts,on the piss most the time and have no objective or aim in life,and are not happy with one man.

    I sypathise with you mate,really do.Wish I could say there are plenty more fish in the sea,but they are swimming in an oil slick :mad:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: honesty

    I sooo couldn't understand this so I'm changing it to make it readable. I'm crap with paragraphs and that but it looks a tad more approachable so I don't want you lot complaining at me. :p
    Originally posted by z3r0
    Why do I ask the person I love so much to be honest with me if I know that what she is going to tell me is going to hurt me so much?
    I can't remember what I said to her or asked her, but she ended up telling me she was talking to some guy "That nothing happened with" and that they "Were in a stage when something would have happened but she's got a bf". Now that really dents my confidence in this girl.
    She tells me she has feelings for me but she'd rather talk to her "ex" than the person she supposedly loves. I know they are both good mates but I'm a bloke and it's pretty obvious he wants to go out with her but what can I do but believe what she tells me?! :(
    Don't know what I'm saying. I don't really want an answer, maybe if some warranted me to go kill him?! Haha, I'm just looking to get this out of me really and this board seems a pretty cool place to ramble on. Hehe, sorry guys!

    A load of huggy blah...:p

    I really don't see what your problem is... how do you know her ex wants her?
    She didn't make a move with this guy so what is your problem? I've been seeing people or whatever and have gone out and found someone who normally I'd make a move on but don't because of my boyfriend or whatever.
    I think it's good that she was honest with you and told you this. It means you can trust her.

    I don't know. Good luck anyway. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he isnt her ex, thats what worries me, they never actually went out or anything, but they are really really close, and he didnt get her before thats the most worrying thing for me. id rather they'd gone out and broke up, rather than her getting into another relationship. because to me she hasnt ever actually said no, just "im goin out with some1 else", so nothing happened between them. but now...........

    i do trust her, i definately trust her, i just dont trust him. at all!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would advise EXTREME caution..and might be a good time to put your boxing gloves on too.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by z3r0

    i do trust her, i definately trust her, i just dont trust him. at all!!!

    I never understand why people say this. If you trust her then what does it matter if you trust him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah because if he tried anything, then surely she wouldn't respond.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey, i was in a very similar situation to you and it didnt have a happy ending :(

    She didnt cheat but she dumped me in the end and afterwards i found out that she'd been all over this guy who she was close friends with the whole time we'd been going out. As with you, it wasnt her ex but there was some kind of history between them. At the time she swore she had absolutley no feelings whatsoever for him but obviously that was bulshit.

    My advice is ditch this bitch or else have a very serious talk about the situation. Dont just leave it alone and hope it'll all be ok because it almost certainly wont be.

    B-Real
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats my main problem, if he was her ex i cud air my feelings about her seeing him and she'd prob listen and take me seriously and understand where im coming from. but coz he isnt her ex and they're just really close mates, who have alot of history me saying i dont trust him and i think he's a prick who's up to something isnt gonna go down too well with her and i'll prob just push her further from me and closer to him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :rolleyes: Do you even know this guy? Have you seen how they behave together? How do you know he wants her?
    Yes, she said she'd be with him if she didn't have a boyfriend...I've felt this way about people when I've had boyfriends and never made a move on them or cheated on my boyfriends or whatever.
    But really you should be pleased that she's told you this. If she kept her feelings a secret that's when you should be worried.

    Ugh. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel but don't make any ultimatums.

    If you trusted her (which it really doesn't seem you do) then you wouldn't be worrying like this.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by z3r0
    thats my main problem, if he was her ex i cud air my feelings about her seeing him and she'd prob listen and take me seriously and understand where im coming from. but coz he isnt her ex and they're just really close mates, who have alot of history me saying i dont trust him and i think he's a prick who's up to something isnt gonna go down too well with her and i'll prob just push her further from me and closer to him.

    I do kinda know how you feel. This bloke kept telling my (now ex) girlfriend that he'd like to take her to the cinema and take it further. I knew who he was and he was not a very nice person. The reason I felt so bad about it all was the fact that he had a lot more to offer her than me, he had a car, he lived nearer (I was about to leave home for uni) and he was also a lot older than me. Before I knew it, she chucked me for him.

    As far as the trust thing goes, I'm not so sure whether it's all a matter of trust. I felt the same as you, I didn't trust the other bloke with her, it's not that I didn't trust her. And in the end, he managed to convince her that he was better than me, and she dumped me and went with him. She didn't betray my trust as such, and I suppose it was her right to do what she did.

    It all depends on the girl, if she's really worth it then she'll stick with ya :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think your girlfriend could win either way. If she hadn't of told you about it and you found out by other means then you would be upset with her dishonesty and start thinking that she has something to hide.

    The fact that she told you about what happened, to me, means that nothing is going on. She could have told you in a better way to boost your ego a bit, but I have found in the past if there is something to hide and something is going on, then they are not going to tell you. She might be one of those girls who gets a kick out making their boyfriends jealous or boosting her own confidence in her attractivness - who know?

    What I do know though, is you can do one of two things. Deal with the fact that she has this male friend and that you can not do anything about it and just trust her OR come to the conclusion that no matter what she says / does, you will never feel comfortable with her relationship with this guy and break up with her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think the more you concern yourself with this, the worse it will get. I feel for you man, honest, its a real tough one. The best thing you can do is remain truthful to yourself, above all. Respect yourself, and be honest, be honest with her too, and EXPECT respect from her for your honesty. If she doesnt respect you, she will trample you, maybe not even intentionally, but she will. Tell her your concerns, and that they are concerns, but do and think nothing more of it. Focus on yourself now, do things that you want to do, i'm not saying neglect your relationship, but become more of what you were when you first got together. If she loves you, you need to re-inforce that, make her realise *why* she loves you, why she fell for you in the first place. If you do these things it will do two things for you. Firstly place you in the situation of complete honesty, a very powerful position to be in. Secondly it will make her realise, that dispite having concerns about her feelings for you, that you are strong. Both these things will help her decide what she wants. If she wants to keep you, she'll need to respect you, even if that means not flirting with her "best mate" who just happens to be a bloke.

    i hope things work out for you dude

    ktec

    ps - one thing to always remember, keep it all in perspective.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I reckon that the fact she told you about this probably suggests that its kinda innocent, n tying ureself up in knots over it will do you no favours m8, I'm a complete stresshead at times, but the more you sit n think things over, the more you read into them, n eventually find problems which don't exist, n then act differently towards the person because of the problems uve created in ure head, which puts strain on the relationship... chill n give her the benfit of the doubt, but if anything else bugs u, then make sure u confront her about it..... the quicker u face something the quicker it can b dealt with
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