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When it all comes back?.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I never thought a stupid thing could upset me this much, There's two people in my course called 'Alice' and Everytime someone says their name, I instantly think they're on about my alice, and I think "she's back" only to be dissapointed, Today on the bus Megan's funeral song came on, "Why-Rascal flatts" Which is about a girl who takes her own life, which Megan, Ella and alice all did, So i spent the full journey crying and missing them, I really need Alice right now, I just want to talk to her, Laugh with her do the crazy things we did, the same with Ella and Megan.

Then I feel guilty because I don't speak as much about Ella as I do about Megan or Alice and its not because I don't love her any differen't, I'm not sure why it is to be honnest, I just know I really want them back, and I'm not sure how I can deal with not having them here anymore, It seems more and more apparent that I should go and join them, because they need me more then anyone needs me.

I'd managed to try and ignore this, but since today its just all harder, I really don't see how I'll make it through the end of the week, we walked over a bridge on saturday and I kept thinking "I wanna jump" and throughout the week I'll be doing risky activities like, climbing a moutain, Night absail and I know, throughout the full thing I'm going to be thinking "nows my chance to end it".

Will I ever be over loosing them?. I'm not sure any of this made sense. I just need them:crying:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it is hard Em, but everyday you're carrying on which means you're getting stronger. Take care and stay safe, I hope you can enjoy the rest of you're week!
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Noob Posts: 876
    I think what you have to remember here is they won't want you to give up. There's no way they wouldve wanted you to follow them because they loved you so you need to carry on for them. And the pain you're feeling now is just gonna be shifted on to someone else and extended. Because what you're feeling will go away. There will be times when it comes back but each time it'll be easier to handle. Just hold on and keep pushing. Live your life for you, and also for their memories.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've spent all week with someone called Alice as I mentioned above. the other Alice dropped out, and I just wanted to cry everytime I said her name, I feel like I should have moved on now from them..but I just can't, I need them.
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