Her parents and friends don't accept me :(!

Former Member

I've been in my first relationship for about 7 months now, and it has been a healthy one up until now. We've been so happy together and see each other daily through college life. I'm 18 and she is 17, nearing her 18th birthday.

I'd met her parents a few times before and they never really seemed to have a problem with me, but then, out of nowhere she puts us on a "break", eventually after some talking I discover that its all because her parents don't like me and they are essentially making her choose between them and me. I can hardly allow her to even consider choosing me can I? So we've been off and on constantly for days now.

She assures me that she loves me and as do I her, but this is a huge strain. Even some of her friends are now admitting to dislike me, which really does hurt me as I try so hard to get on with everyone. Though recently even though her mum has said that she should "do what makes her happy", she still doesn't like me.

Please help me? I really don't want this to end, I'm so happy with her but its really a struggle for us.

Former Member

Do you know what the problem is, why her parents and friends don't like you? Do your friends understand it, or do they disagree?

Former Member

My friends are all for us being together, they know how happy she makes and say that we do suit. They were all very caring for me when we were put on break.

As for why her parents and friends don't like me, there's very little to work with. She says that they get a bad feeling about me, as if I were going to grow up to be a "control freak". She does not get on with some of her family most of the time but when she gets home she says they say things like "Have you dropped the creep yet?". I don't see why as I've never done anything wrong to them, I've always tried my best to get on.

Former Member

Hiya

Sorry to hear about your girlfriend's family and the pressure it's putting on your relationship. Sometimes, families can be over-protective and pick on the tiniest little things to convince themselves that a person isn't right for their child - could it be that this is happening?

Perhaps you could suggest to your girlfriend that you all sit down together and have a chat about this. If it's causing enough grief for her to end the relationship then they must have something to say to you. By suggesting this you'll show them that you can be mature and that you really care about their daughter and you won't let their interfering stop you being with her.

You could even suggest you agree to some new 'terms' for the relationship - for example, you only see each other three nights a week or something like that. Again, it would prove how serious you are.

This article about meeting the parents might give you a few tips on how to approach such a meeting if you decide to go ahead with it.

I hope you manage to sort things out

Former Member

I'll try your suggestions, but as far as parents go they are quite odd to be fair. Always arguing as far as I know and don't get on as a couple well, as if they're staying together for their kids. But that's probably besides the point.

I just feel awful for her having to go through us being in this odd state, we go from together to apart in seconds and back again.

Former Member

Currently we are not officially seeing each other, but rather broken up and seeing each other in day to day life as friends. When people aren't around though, we can't help but cuddle and kiss etc.

We are apart while she tries to fix things with her parents, so that they will like me.

I'm so confused about where this is going...

Former Member

It does sound really confusing for you *hug*

From what you've said, when you do get a bit of alone time the feelings are all still there and you just want to be close to each another. The rest of the time you're very much apart and it feels like a waiting game.

You're in a sense still together in your heads but the reality is that you're no longer a couple in the way you'd like to be. I can image this must really be a bit of a roller-coaster of emotions

I guess something to think about is how long you feel you can cope with being in this limbo? Have you had any sense from her about how she's coping or how she feels about the future of things between you? It's likely that over the next few days or weeks that you'll get a better sense of where you stand and what you want. I wonder what do you feel like your options are at the moment?

Unfortunately parents, like anyone, can make assumptions and judgements that might not be true, in this case about the kind of person you are. The fact that you're here looking for advice shows that you care about this girl and that you want to try and do the 'right' thing. Figuring that out is ultimately up to you and what feels right for you. It's really positive that you've got some good mates to talk to and to keep you busy and distracted when you need that :thumb:

Keep posting and let us know how things are going

Former Member

Today went quite well. She wants to try and sort this herself, and failing that said that I will be able to try any method I want to then (writing a letter to them, or talking to them). Because she knows them better she essentially wants to try it her way first, which I understand.

I really do care about her and its funny how you mention limbo, its the exact state she said we were in today. I think things are going to be feeling up for a little while from now, but they will inevitably get worse before they are "fixed".

I really appreciate all of the replies and advice so far, and the chat rooms are keeping me from feeling that nobody else faces problems like this and that I'm not alone.