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post natal depression
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I don't think I have pnd but I can feel myself teetering towards it. when i'm home alone with baxter I often feel unable to cope. I keep trying to tell myself that it'll get better once he can sit up and I can surround him with toys because at the moment he needs entertaining constantly or gets grumbly and the grumbly escalates into full blown crying.
It's always worst when I'm tired because I have no patience. I'd never ever hurt him (a GP actually asked me this when I broached the subject of pnd but didn't seem to see here was a problem if I didn't want to hurt my son..) but I have found myself swearing at him in the middle of the night. I know this is normal when a person is tired and exasperated and he doesn't understand but I always feel so awful about it.
I love him a lot and love being a mum but we are going through a tough phase. Josh is working till late on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday evenings so I'm home with him from 8am till 10.30pm. He also works on Saturdays so Sundays are the only day we are together all day with him. I've been going to my mum's for two of these nights because her stay at home partner is supportive during the day so I can go for naps but B gets so unsettled at nights so sometimes it doesn't seem worth it. Josh can't cut down his hours because he needs the money but I don't know what else to do.
A lot of this is practical stuff so I almost feel it pointless seeking help for pnd. I figure all I will get are pills when really I'm lonely, struggling to cope in a messy house and a demanding baby and just want to feel like me again. I'm angry at facebook being my only social outlet and probably being seen as boring now I'm a mum and not worth bothering about.
The upside is Josh is ridiculously supportive and always puts my needs before his own. He got up at half 5 with Baxter after getting in late from work last night so that I could get another hour and then ran me a bath. I am lucky in many ways. Baxter is healthy and a chubster and I'm not on my own. But sometimes Josh's work hours make me feel like I am.
Ranty rant over.
Wanted to add I'm on my laptop because he is napping on the floor. Which he never ever does. This is like the ultimate treat but I'm fed up with being on edge and watching him wake up
It's always worst when I'm tired because I have no patience. I'd never ever hurt him (a GP actually asked me this when I broached the subject of pnd but didn't seem to see here was a problem if I didn't want to hurt my son..) but I have found myself swearing at him in the middle of the night. I know this is normal when a person is tired and exasperated and he doesn't understand but I always feel so awful about it.
I love him a lot and love being a mum but we are going through a tough phase. Josh is working till late on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday evenings so I'm home with him from 8am till 10.30pm. He also works on Saturdays so Sundays are the only day we are together all day with him. I've been going to my mum's for two of these nights because her stay at home partner is supportive during the day so I can go for naps but B gets so unsettled at nights so sometimes it doesn't seem worth it. Josh can't cut down his hours because he needs the money but I don't know what else to do.
A lot of this is practical stuff so I almost feel it pointless seeking help for pnd. I figure all I will get are pills when really I'm lonely, struggling to cope in a messy house and a demanding baby and just want to feel like me again. I'm angry at facebook being my only social outlet and probably being seen as boring now I'm a mum and not worth bothering about.
The upside is Josh is ridiculously supportive and always puts my needs before his own. He got up at half 5 with Baxter after getting in late from work last night so that I could get another hour and then ran me a bath. I am lucky in many ways. Baxter is healthy and a chubster and I'm not on my own. But sometimes Josh's work hours make me feel like I am.
Ranty rant over.
Wanted to add I'm on my laptop because he is napping on the floor. Which he never ever does. This is like the ultimate treat but I'm fed up with being on edge and watching him wake up
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It gets easier. The first three months are the worst, after that each day gets slightly better. It's a cliche but it is true.
Do you have a good pram? I always found it easier to cope if I was out and about with Sodbaby. There's more things to entertain them, the screaming doesn't sound so loud in the open air, and the fresh air often makes them sleep. And coffee. Lovely coffee.
I don't have much advice regarding PND, but have you looked into parent/baby groups to do in the day? I know my local cinema does one day a fortnight for people with babies. This is their description of it Maybe something like that would help? You'd have some "me" time (watching a film!) but would get to meet other people with babies, and also not have to worry about the glares from strangers when your baby starts screaming!
arctic roll I took your advice and went out for buggy time with a new friend and her baby. I went out twice just looking around the shops to break up the day and baxter got a few decent naps out of it. I think I just worry unnecessarily about him kicking off in public but if he does then he does. we've hit the 3 month mark so Im hoping it improves and if I'm really honest it has from when he was very young.
ballerina I don't really around here. my mum's is an expensive train ride away and I've been going once a week because her partner helps me out but baxter gets really unsettled at night so it's about weighing up whether it's really worth it.
ba I've heard of that too! strange concept but sounds interesting. I've been going to baby massage on Fridays and am still in touch with my antenatal group. I think im going to speak to someone at the childrens centre because I need more to fill up my week.
and indrid and fiend thanks *hug*
There's lots of cafe's in my area that do baby and parent afternoons, you should have a google to see what's in your area
Glad you found it ok when you went out. I wasn't fussed if sodbaby kicked off, though I had the advantage of being a man. There were always plenty of old ladies to help out the Useless Father but they can be a bit less welcoming to mothers. Walking round calms them fairly quickly and a shouty baby is much less of a hassle in cafes than older kids who won't sit down and shut up.
our garden is communal but I am looking forward to using it more with him as it gets warmer. He's had a kicking session on the grass but then a gust of wind blew over him and he got very excited..
I may try the cinema but am not too sure really, I don't think he'd want to be still for that long and it's unlikely he'd nod off.
Gonna speak to Josh about reducing his hours even just for the meantime because I don't feel as if this can go on much longer. But I have a feeling itd be problematic.
Thanks JsT
I realise it must be difficult - but anyone with children will have been in the place you are now, and people with babies will be in that place right now. If you're outside, or somewhere that's aimed at babies, then screaming kids really aren't a problem. Kids screaming isn't a problem for them, and they sound a lot louder to you than they do to anyone else. Also, no one at anything aimed at parents and babies will bat an eye lid if it's not working for you and you go home early.
I'm less embarrassed about breastfeeding in public because I know the law is on my side. Plus I've had my boobs out so often now it's removed most of my inhibition. Though I do dread the nipple spray in cafes... I could try aim it in a yummy mummy's late
That's the Hull in you escaping! :razz::d
:yes: Both mum and sis swear the NCT kept them sane. If you ever need a babysitter I'm told Fiend is v good
I was diagnosed with PND after Superbaby was born. It was all mixed up with a little PTSD/birth trauma, but still it was pretty mild, I refused meds as I was breastfeeding, and was referred for talking therapies instead which made a really big difference. As AR says, it is totally normal to swear with frustration when you're having a bad night, or to feel like you're losing the plot. SOMETIMES. If you feel like that all the time then you might have PND. Parenting is HARD WORK, whatever age your baby is, but it should also be enjoyable. It doesn't mean that you are a bad parent if you have PND, or that you love your baby any less. It is an illness like any other MH problem, and it can usually be treated very effectively.
If you are still worried, I'd try talking to your health visitor rather than your GP. HVs tend to have a lot more experience with it and can also access services and get balls rolling.
Also on the squeaking baby in public issue - I drag my two all over the shop, and they have had their fair share of crying/screaming/WW3 style tantrumming. You are not being judged anywhere near as much as you assume. In my experience, most people understand and are kind. Anyone who's got kids has been where you are. I am continuously pleasantly surprised by people. Only yesterday a (pretty scary-looking) man rescued my little girl's stuffed rabbit from a busy road because she had thrown it there and I couldn't grab it and calm the resulting histrionics at the same time. Little ones seem to bring out people's good sides.
There are still some dickheads in the world. Forget them. Don't let it stop you getting out.
This has ended up not being quick at all.
It's true, I am, had a LOT of practice, and have an extremely good record on damage.
Also: what kaff said.
I'm a fully paid up member of the NCT and meet my old antenatal group most Mondays at a café but their meet ups e.g. to the zoo usually require a car and it'd be a hassle to get a lift with the car seat in someone else's car.. which is a bit of a bummer.
I've also made a friend at baby group. She lives in my town and her little girl is the same age as Baxter. She's great and laid back and was a breath of fresh air from the other mums I met who seemed a bit preachy. Usually something I consider B too young for e.g. controlled crying followed by.. 'the best thing I ever did!'. urghhh.
But the thing is the friend is moving soon so I'm aware I need to try and make new friends.
I would LOVE Fiend to babysit!! But maybe after he's finished booby feeding otherwise she may be the victim to some unwanted attention. He has absolutely no shame and just stares greedily!! Would also love to introduce him to SodBaby- maybe she can tell him to man up and nap in his swing :P And of course future hulby-ette!!
Kaff thanks. That was impressive for typing on your phone! It still does feel like a sometimes thing but I do feel quite anxious/edgy in the evenings because that seems when he is at his most waaaah-ness. Men seem really great actually when we're out and about and never mind helping out. The Sainsbury delivery guy even calmed him down a bit for me last night whilst simultaneously carrying the shopping into the hallway. I keep putting off speaking to the health visitor but Josh thinks I should. I got quite lucky with the birth and don't feel affected by it so I'm not sure talking therapy would be great for me.
Also spoke to Josh about his work hours. He doesn't think we can afford it right now. :impissed: So I have a tough decision. Either go to my mum's two nights a week and have help (and a nap) during the day but with Baxter unsettled during the night or have 3 very long days at home alone with him. Struggle but maybe have a good nights sleep and Baxter less unsettled. It's hard
I hate to break it to you, but I'm not sure that's to do with booby feeding. My nephew is 15 months old and totally weaned, but he still tried very hard to get my boobs out at Grandma's house last week.
How was your wedding to Princess SodBaby?
Prince Philip didn't show by order of the Dowager Duchess of Piccoland. I'm informed the Princess Aurora didn't notice.