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Help?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I hate writing these threads, I really do. I just thought I should try *something*.

I'm feeling really bad (broken record, yeah I know). I called in sick and have spent all day crying in his bed. He has to go out tonight and I'm worried about what I'll do.

I'm feeling like this too often - other people are fed up with me, and I don't blame them. I bet you guys hate me for starting another mental health related 'dark' thread.

There's no one I can call, there's nothing anyone can say to make a difference. Life is too painful for me. Even if its not always painful, it doesn't make the bad times worth it. Even if I had double the good times they wouldn't be worth it. I don't think I really care if things *might* get better - because right here in the moment things are pretty unbearable, and I can't see anything miraculously changing,

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what, at this very moment, would make things that little bit more bearable? just something really small, anything what would be a bit soothing or relaxing or distracting. don't think about tonight or tomorrow or the future, just focus on what could get you through the next few minutes. and when you've done it, think of something else. i have a self-sooth section in my workbook (which I should actually look at more often) and it's got really small, simple things in it, things that seem ridiculous when I'm in a crisis but if I can make myself do them they do help.

    soothing skills for home:
    have a bath
    paint
    hug people
    bake for my parents
    make tea
    watch a funny DVD
    wear my onesie
    hug someone

    soothing skills for away from home:
    stop for hot chocolate
    buy a magazine
    look at water
    sit in the grass
    buy sweets
    look at pictures
    listen to music on headphones

    I also have lists of tasks to do if I feel like I am at risk and need to be occupied:
    write letters
    plan a trip/holiday
    sort out clothes for eBay/charity
    read
    clean
    play games online
    call someone
    bake
    go to the shops

    obviously you have to think of your own to suit what you like/need/enjoy, but the point is that you need to find something to do while you wait for the feelings to pass (and they WILL pass,like they did before). it might sound silly or patronising, and of course reading a book or making a cake won't make it all better, but it will pass some time and give you something else to focus on, even if only for an hour. lower your expectations, don't aim for a total change in your life, just aim for a bit of peace for the rest of today. face tomorrow when it comes.

    you'll be ok :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What omg hi said.

    Nobody is bored of the threads :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What they both said.

    Hugs.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you :heart:

    I stayed with my boyfriend last night. He gave me massages / fed me chocolate.

    I'm still not doing very well. Trying to arrange having the rest of the week off, but my tutor thinks I'm calculating how much time off I can get away with :(

    I need this sorted by tonight. I need everything to go away for a bit, and its not.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there

    I just wanted to echo what the others are saying - no one hates you for starting another thread - and if they do then they don't belong here, because that's exactly why these boards exist. If you find it helps even a smidgen with how you're feeling then post away!

    It's good that your boyfriend is there to help try and distract you and brighten your mood - and it says a lot that you have people who care about you so much :)

    The fight that you've put in to get the right services is really impressive and shows that you want to find a way out of this. Try not to lose faith, even though you're up against it.

    Take care
    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you're great :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    grace wrote: »
    I think you're great :heart:

    me too :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    omg hi wrote: »
    what, at this very moment, would make things that little bit more bearable? just something really small, anything what would be a bit soothing or relaxing or distracting. don't think about tonight or tomorrow or the future, just focus on what could get you through the next few minutes. and when you've done it, think of something else. i have a self-sooth section in my workbook (which I should actually look at more often) and it's got really small, simple things in it, things that seem ridiculous when I'm in a crisis but if I can make myself do them they do help.

    soothing skills for home:
    have a bath
    paint
    hug people
    bake for my parents
    make tea
    watch a funny DVD
    wear my onesie
    hug someone

    soothing skills for away from home:
    stop for hot chocolate
    buy a magazine
    look at water
    sit in the grass
    buy sweets
    look at pictures
    listen to music on headphones

    I also have lists of tasks to do if I feel like I am at risk and need to be occupied:
    write letters
    plan a trip/holiday
    sort out clothes for eBay/charity
    read
    clean
    play games online
    call someone
    bake
    go to the shops

    obviously you have to think of your own to suit what you like/need/enjoy, but the point is that you need to find something to do while you wait for the feelings to pass (and they WILL pass,like they did before). it might sound silly or patronising, and of course reading a book or making a cake won't make it all better, but it will pass some time and give you something else to focus on, even if only for an hour. lower your expectations, don't aim for a total change in your life, just aim for a bit of peace for the rest of today. face tomorrow when it comes.

    you'll be ok :heart:

    This list is really helpful for others as well I'd say ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just wrote a long reply. Stupidly managed to delete it.

    Short version:
    -Still feeling bad
    -Would have been my 2nd anniversary with ex tomorrow, has brought up a lot of feelings to do with that.
    -Also is a marker of time, don't feel like I've achieved anything in this time.
    -Got a GP appt tomorrow, don't know why I booked it - there's nothing they can do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Got loads of pills from my GP. My boyfriend isn't fucking letting me leave his room. He's not allowed to do that is he?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why isn't your boyfriend letting you leave his room?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He thinks I'm going to kill myself. I've got my car keys back but he's taken the handle off the door.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Right, well obviously no he can't do that. But what's got him so worried and how accurate are his concerns?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am suicidal but what right does he have to stand in my way?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The same right that doctors would if they sectioned you. If you're not mentally competent he's entirely correct to try and stop you. As you would try and stop someone you loved.

    If he did nothing, and you died, how would he feel, and what kind of person would that make him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Last night was bad. I drove to the middle of nowhere (not exactly hard here) and brought all my pills with me. I left my boyfriend asleep in my bed, which was pretty shit of me :( I stupidly forgot a drink so I wasn't able to do anything. Then in a bit I'd calmed down somewhat and phoned my boyfriend. I refused to tell him where I was, but we had a long chat and he mentioned calling the police so eventually I came home. I'm just scared of how things can escalate so quickly, and I can't rely on my emotions because of the instability.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you haven't been with your boyfriend very long have you YSH? how is he coping with all these situations? sounds horrible for you both :( I hope you get some support soon that you feel suits you. also iv read a lot of your posts but iv never managed to work out if you are on any medication for your depression? i know you mentioned pills in that post but wasnt sure if they were painkillers etc. if you are maybe it's time to ask about it being changed to try and make you feel more stable?x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you haven't been with your boyfriend very long have you YSH? how is he coping with all these situations? sounds horrible for you both :( I hope you get some support soon that you feel suits you. also iv read a lot of your posts but iv never managed to work out if you are on any medication for your depression? i know you mentioned pills in that post but wasnt sure if they were painkillers etc. if you are maybe it's time to ask about it being changed to try and make you feel more stable?x

    I feel so guilty for being with him :( I keep telling him he should leave, I warned him at the start but he said it didn't matter and that he wanted to be by my side :( I'm getting CBT but that's not really 'support' I guess. But it's the only thing I've got and will be the only thing I ever get.

    I've just had my dose of ADs increased. My GP doesn't really know what to do with me I think. I had diazepam to take for a while, just when I needed it to take the edge of things (so I think for the most part I took it once a week if that) and that helped. But the psychiatrist prescribed that, and I've been discharged and my GP said he isn't happy to do that.
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