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Did I go too far? (self harm)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
So I didn't cut for 2 weeks so it sort of all came out at once, if you know what I mean? I mean like I did 2 weeks worth of cutting in a night.
Once I made the first cut, I couldn't stop. I don't normally cut my legs, but now my thighs are covered in cuts. I also cut on every available space on my arms. Did I go to far? Also, my nan noticed that I was looking pale.
There's no space on my arms that aren't cut now. All the way from wrist to shoulder.
Also, I do volleyball on Fridays, and I whack the ball so hard that it hurts, and I hit it with my arms a lot (I'm rubbish at it). I'm worried that it will hurt if I try to play. What should I do about this? Should I say something to my P.E teacher or not? She doesn't know I self harm, but other teachers in the school do. I don't want them to be annoyed at me.

Comments

  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Hey Hitori,

    *hug*

    Firstly, just to let you know I've slightly edited your thread - I'm not sure if you've seen the self-harm guidelines, but some of the things you described were detailed in terms of the act and we try to avoid that if possible. Here's the thread with a video for you to listen to if you'd like to.

    You haven't told us much about how you felt when you ended up cutting - did something happen to bring on the urges or were you reminded of something? It can be helpful to understand how you were feeling at the time - although I know that can be hard to do and you might not even remember.

    In terms of going too far - while your safety is really important and it sounds like the severity of the cuts could mean there might be infection if you're not careful to look after them - whether or not it was really too far mainly depends on how you feel. If you feel like the consequences of these cuts means you're unhappy, anxious, in continuous pain, then you could take that as a sign you've gone too far on your own terms.

    It sounds like telling your P.E teacher alongside another teacher who already knows could be a good move - how do you feel about doing that?

    I'm sure you're familiar with our self-harm section - but here's a couple of articles you might find helpful:

    Damage limitation (a question answered on askTheSite about self-harm getting out of control)

    First aid

    I hope it's helped you to post about this and you feel able to continue talking.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nothing in particular made me cut, it's just that the urge gets bigger and the suicidal thoughts get stronger, the longer I go without cutting.

    I'm really anxious because most of my blades are blunt and that means I will have to look for more. I don't know about telling my p.e teacher, and I'm worried about what people will think of me avoiding doing a lot or doing something else. Yeah, I am in constant pain, but it doesn't look like I'm going to go a night without self-harm anytime soon. There's just too much stress at home and school, and self harming helps me sleep.

    Also, I will have a look at the links.
    Thanks. xxx
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