What is the correct friendship protocol for someone like that?

Former Member

When my friend and i go on outings and drives to the city, which is onverage 50 to 80 miles away depending on how far you go, we take my car and i pay for the gas - which is around 20 to 25 give or take. But she never pays me for half of it or offers. I tried to drop hints and she is always like "yeah we should split it" but she never comes through. I have money issues myself so for me every amount counts and I have spend 100s of dollars of gas and would appreciate a little help.

We went on another trip and she loaned me 15 in cash cause the place wouldnt take anything else and now she is asking me to pay her back. I will but I am really wondering do i have to? It just upsets me. I told her nicely about all the trips and how it adds up and all, and she got all nasty, accusing me of having lied about the cost and that it doesnt cost that much. When i showed her that it did, she then turned the subject over to what a terrible friend i was and that her sister was right all along about me being a terrible person and how dare i expect her to split the cost for giving her rides etc. and that i was a terrible cheap and stingy friend.

I explained that those werent rides, those were trips we took together and trips cost money. It wasnt like i was driving her 10 miles to grocery store. But she doesnt see it that away and is being really mean convinced i am bad friend.

Anyway it's gotten really ugly and I am wondering what went wrong here? Am i worng in expecting for us to split? The reason I did not ask rightaway is becuase i want to be a friend and i thought she'd get it but she isnt. And now it is adding up. Yesterday I paid 25 for gas for and she is asking me for the 15 without a trace of irony.

Former Member

How annoying for you. You're in the right. She's in the wrong. Stop taking her anywhere and if she asks, tell her you 'can't afford it'.

Former Member

I'd stop taking her places as well. She's taking the piss.

Former Member

I would check tyre pressures though, if you're getting through $25 of gas in 50 miles it sounds like there's something wrong!

But your friend is blatantly taking advantage. Maybe agree before each trip a fuel payment.

Former Member

Hi Nemonite,

This has clearly upset you and made you feel like a bad friend, which doesn't seem very fair. At the end of the day, you were simply honest about what you felt was right, and she took it badly, perhaps being defensive due to the guilt - because if she really didn't think helping you out with the petrol money was the right thing to do, why would she have previously said she would chip in and never did it? :yes:

Here is a quote from our article on Friends or Foe that seems relevant

Good friends don't take advantage of another's generosity by getting them to pay for everything. Unfortunately, money can get in the way of friendships so you need to quickly spot these friends and not let them take advantage of you. If they're a good friend, be strict. Say you don't have the extra cash, you're going through a tight spot, or ask them to buy the tickets and owe them the money instead. If they only seem to come to you in a financial emergency, it's time to keep your wallet shut and wave goodbye.