Online dating etiquette

Former Member

Ok. So I'm back on the online dating bandwagon. I'm getting a lot of people wanting to go on dates with me, but I sometimes feel a bit bad talking to multiple people at once. I have a date today, Friday eve, and potentially double booked for Saturday. I've put down a hard and fast rule of no sex on the first date. But I'm wondering if there's anything that I should or shouldn't be doing?

Oh and I've got a hard and fast bigot test - tell them I walk with a stick and if that bothers them then another one bites the dust. Is that a good idea or not??

Former Member

I don't think anyone can reasonably expect you to only be chatting to one person, at least at first, so there's no real need to even bring it up. Sex, or even a kiss, shouldn't be expected and I'd be worried about anyone who is expecting it. But if you do want sex, don't think you're breaking the rules by doing it.

I'd tell them in advance that you walk with a stick, as it saves lots of awkwardness later.

Former Member

Miss_Riot wrote: »

Oh and I've got a hard and fast bigot test - tell them I walk with a stick and if that bothers them then another one bites the dust. Is that a good idea or not??

yes! it's a pretty important part of your life and if someone isn't ok with it then it's best that you know from the start so that you don't waste your time on them and don't have to face any upset/embarrassment... you know how awful some people can be and you don't need that stress.
I think you might be pleasantly surprised though.

Former Member

I've had 2 people be weird about it so far, but I think you're right it does make things easier. I kind of feel like putting it up on my profile but I'm not sure it.

I really don't know about the whole sex on first date - I seem to think that it could have been a big part of what's fucked up my past relationships, but maybe I'm just being a bit superstitious.

Former Member

Personally I wouldn't sleep with anyone I didn't feel I knew reasonably well. In general that would probably rule out most first dates set up through online dating.

But that's just me.

Former Member

I tend to think with my vag a fair bit tbh!

Former Member

It depends what your motivation is, really. If you're sleeping with them to make them like you then that's a fool's game. If you just want to have fun with them then that's entirely different.

Former Member

And if you're looking for a long term relationship, and you're sleeping with them because you fancy some fun - then you're off to a dubious start.

Former Member

I'm not sure that's always true. I know someone who in past relationships would wait a month before having sex with their partner, but in their current relationship dove in after a week and is probably going to marry their current partner.

However, there's a lot to be said for trying to think with your head not your chuff as well. Have a wank before going out maybe?

Former Member

Scary Monster wrote: »

And if you're looking for a long term relationship, and you're sleeping with them because you fancy some fun - then you're off to a dubious start.

False!

Indrid Cold

frankipanda wrote: »

False!

You are aware of the meaning of "dubious", right? The only way what she said is false if all (or the vast majority of) relationships that began this way ended up to be great.

Former Member

Indrid, Scary Monster is a lady engineer...

Former Member

Fiend_85 wrote: »

However, there's a lot to be said for trying to think with your head not your chuff as well. Have a wank before going out maybe?

Lol!! Maybe I should!

It's more about the connection, if I click with them and they turn me on its sometimes hard to say no to myself if its on offer. Maybe it's the lust getting to my head!

Indrid Cold

Fiend_85 wrote: »

Indrid, Scary Monster is a lady engineer...

It took me a while to figure out why you said that. I know that, but for some reason I thought that post had been written by Arctic Roll.

Former Member

Excellent. Glad we've cleared that up.

Former Member

Indrid Cold wrote: »

You are aware of the meaning of "dubious", right? The only way what she said is false if all (or the vast majority of) relationships that began this way ended up to be great.

Ok. But I don't see it as any more dubious than starting the relationship any other way.

Former Member

Ok. I'm going to have to confess that I don't get the significance of me being a lady engineer. ( although I do very much like that description).

What I was getting at is that as a general start, there's a difference between some fast fun through Internet dating and starting a relationship through it. Yes, sometimes you click brilliantly and it's more than lust - but in my personal opinion lust dominates first date decisions.

Indrid Cold

Scary Monster wrote: »

Ok. I'm going to have to confess that I don't get the significance of me being a lady engineer. ( although I do very much like that description).

I thought your post had been written by AR and said "he". Fiend thought I didn't know your sex.

Former Member

Scary Monster wrote: »

( although I do very much like that description).

Though does make you sound like a gynaecologist

As for Ms R. I dunno about putting on your profile you walk with a stick -

Good Idea - Let's people know you walk with a stick so have mobility problem(s) and maybe other stuff so won't be too much of a 'shock'.


Bad Idea - Could, and in some cases would, put people off.

That being said, I'd put it down. On my profiles I put im HIV+ and ofc that cuts down the interest I get but at least they know. That being said (again) the number of people who contact me and don't realise im HIV+ (prob coz they can't be arsed reading what ive put and want a quick fuck) I would say is the majority of people.

I wouldn't put anything else up about your health, if you want to thought something along the lines of 'I have some health issues that affect my daily life but try to not let them get on top of me' kinda thing.

BUY SOME CONDOMS

Former Member

Indrid Cold wrote: »

I thought your post had been written by AR and said "he". Fiend thought I didn't know your sex.

It's gender for crying out loud!!!

Former Member

RubberSkin wrote: »

BUY SOME CONDOMS

I have a stash somewhere but I think they might be past it as my ex wouldn't use them. I used to keep one in my purse.

Date today - was crappy! Lovely guy, nice to talk to but he creeped me out a little and obviously no chemistry.

Dates on sat & sun definitely going ahead, although I'm concerned that mr Saturday is a bit more keen than I am. I think I have a real connection with me Sunday, helps that he's pagan of sorts.

I'm realising I'm still feeling pretty guarded. How do I let my guard down a little without allowing myself to seem vulnerable?

Former Member

Miss_Riot wrote: »

It's gender for crying out loud!!!

Frankly, that's a political statement, and some people do identify themselves by sex and not gender. Furthermore, Indrid is Greek, English is a second language and this is not a discussion about trans-anythings.

My sex is female.

Former Member

At the end of you profile get them to put the name of their favourite animal/band/song or something in the subject line so you know straight away who's read your profile. Then if you've mentioned mobility problems then you know they know.
And in my experience if you have sex early on they fuck off almost straight away. Happened twice to me anyway, though one of them tricked me into bed by making me believe he thought we were going somewhere/he could see me as his gf etc. Soon as I slept with him he ditched me for being immature. :rolleyes:

Former Member

My sex is as often as possible. Ahem.

I don't think jumping into bed precludes things going further, but it can sometimes leave you feeling there is more to the relationship than there actually is. It's easy to think you're together if you've screwed. As long as you're aware of that, sex on a first date is no different to sex on any other date. If things are going to go further they will.

The one time I've done sexing on a first date, I married her...

Former Member

As long as there's no bullshit or misleading involved, then tally ho.

Former Member

nothing wrong with sex straight away - if you both want sex for its own sake that is, and not primarily as a means of trying to gain someone's love. I suppose the benefit of meeting online is that you can get to know someone, you can guage their attitudes and intentions... so honesty is probably one of the most important parts of online etiquette.

Former Member

Well three major relationships that I've had all started with sex on the first date, but I don't want to cheapen it. Argh! Why is it so complicated! Why can't we just say "I like you as a person, I think you're hot, lets see how things go but right now I feel like I'm going to burst if I don't fuck you because you're so damn hot!"

Former Member

that's the sort of honety I mean, copy and paste that next time you're conversing with someone applicable :P

withholding sex to increase its 'value' only makes sense if one or both parties think of sex in that way...

Former Member

I love the idea of having a romantic setting and all that jazz but , seriously - does it ever happen like that?

All dates this weekend have ended up being cancelled, but I don't really car cos one guy who I really like is meeting up with me this evening, and we really really get on fingers crossed

Former Member

It went really well! I'm seeing him again on the weekend. He seems pretty keen

Former Member

Think you missed the key detail - did you?