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Worried about a friend - ketamine addiction

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So a while ago my friend had a pretty serious ketamine addiction. To the point where she was having sex with the dealer and his friends to get her fix.

She fell pregnant with her boyfriend and got clean. Their relationship wasn't easy though. He never hit her but treated her like crap, she hated him but never had the bottle to leave him. Recently while she was still with him she started doing ketamine again secretly. She told me this at the time. Eventually she got caught by her bf and things got even worse, when she eventually broke up with him. She stopped doing it then and said she only did it because she felt so bad being with him.

I recently learnt from someone else that she has been doing ketamine again secretly. A close friend of both of ours told me out of concern. We're not really sure what to do about it. She hasn't told me this time I suspect because last time I wasn't too happy about it, though I did agree to keep it secret.

The thing is what can we do, if we tell her mum for example she may just do it secretly and tell no one. Do we nip it in the bud now or wait to see if it gets worse?

I'm worried she doesn't have much money and she has a baby daughter. Even though at the moment she is working and getting on with life she may go down hill very quickly if the ketamine becomes an issue again. Which I suspect it probably will considering how much of a problem it was in the past.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should speak to her, calmly, and say something like "I've heard you're doing ketamine again, is everything alright?" See if she'll talk to you about it.

    Unfortunately, if she doesn't want to talk to you and doesn't want to stop there isn't much anyone can do... Speaking as someone who uses drugs, and who was dependant on them for a fair few months, if the user doesn't want to stop then there is no making them.

    If she does talk to you about it, maybe suggest she takes a look at some places to get support for her ketamine use. You could find some here: http://www.thesite.org/community/localadvicefinder

    That said, I see absolutely nothing wrong with drug use as long as the user is still getting on with their lives, keeping her baby safe, functioning at work etc etc. As long as it's recreational use then I personally don't see a problem. It's when the user becomes a drug abuser, and becomes dependant that the issues begin.

    Some people are perfectly capable of using drugs occasionally, and still looking after their family and going to work. Some people however will have continuing issues with dependency through out their life, do you think she is dependant or do you think she is just using recreationally?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know, I have used drugs and had issues with addiction in the past. Honestly I don't know if she is capable of doing with out it becoming an issue, but I guess it will become clear. I think I will try to talk to her about it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good plan :) Don't go in all guns blazing, just ask her about, and if she denies it then just change the subject. She'll talk to you if and when she wants to.

    You seem like a really nice friend for caring though, so I'm sure she'll talk to you when the times right for her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    That said, I see absolutely nothing wrong with drug use as long as the user is still getting on with their lives, keeping her baby safe, functioning at work etc etc. As long as it's recreational use then I personally don't see a problem. It's when the user becomes a drug abuser, and becomes dependant that the issues begin.

    I couldn't disagree more. dependancy happens when you start to take drugs 'now and again.' That is abusing drugs.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If someone has abused a particular drug, it's impossible to be able to use it recreationally afterwards.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I couldn't disagree more. dependancy happens when you start to take drugs 'now and again.' That is abusing drugs.

    It isn't at all. My dad's a substance misuse advisor, he always bangs on about the difference between using and abusing. I know plenty of people who have jobs, families, successful lives who USE drugs. Some people can use recreationally, as a way to have fun or unwind (exactly like alcohol) where as some people become addicted (like with alcohol)

    Not every single person who drinks alcohol is an alcoholic, just like not every single person who uses controlled substances is a drug addict.
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Good plan :) Don't go in all guns blazing, just ask her about, and if she denies it then just change the subject. She'll talk to you if and when she wants to.

    You seem like a really nice friend for caring though, so I'm sure she'll talk to you when the times right for her.

    :yes: This. Also just wanted to mention, we've got an article on TheSite called Dealing with someone else's addiction that you might find helpful to read.

    Let us know how you get on.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I talked to her about it, she said its not a problem she's doing very small amounts during the evening once her daughter goes to sleep.

    She said shes doing it because she's under a lot of stress since she broke up with her boyfriend. She said she need space but he doesn't really leave her alone, plus she feels really guilty.

    I said maybe she talk to someone about the issues but she said she can't because last time with her ketamine issues, her work found out (she was a nurse) and they informed social services because her brother at the time was a minor and they were concerned about his safety.

    I would imagine though in a doctor patient scenario they would only inform social services about drug use in extreme cases?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like you're in the US so I'm not sure how much we can advise on confidentiality, etc., but in the UK I would expect a doctor to pass on information to social services if someone was using drugs in the house with a child. It's hard to ever be sure, because the guidelines are based on conscience, on what the individual considers could lead to harm to self or others.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    there's speculation long-term ketamine abuse can lead to lesions in the brain, 'Olney's lesions' I believe is the term...

    read up on that and perhaps educate your friend on that specific danger. ultimately someone with a habit has to want to get rid of their habit before they'll stand a chance of getting off whatever they're addicted to, something like that may help...
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