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Anniversaries & Birthdays.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I couldn't decide on which thread this should be posted in.

April is a relatively hard month for me and has been for a number of years now, but this year it's even harder. Its Megan's 19th birthday on the 24th and then on the 30th its a year since we lost her. I miss her terribly and Ella & Alice. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope when it comes to then.

In the past things haven't gone to well, I've felt really low and often suicidal felt like I Needed to be with her and needed her ect. So I'm scared that when it comes to her birthday/anniversary i'm going to be that way again. I just don't know what to do. I need her so badly :(.

Can't stop crying..

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Birthdays and anniversaries are really hard. It was the anniversary of my mum's death last week and it really knocked me. This year I tried the carry on as normal approach, I was lucky because I was with people who I felt safe with so I could easily say if I needed space.

    There's no shame in feeling sad or crying, in some ways it's better than keeping the emotion locked in, but it depends on the person...I cry at all the little things but less so at the big things and it always shocks me when my eyes start leaking.

    I don't know how feasible it would be for you, but releasing lanterns really helped me. Also having ideas or options of things to do if you need some quiet time or distraction, whether it's something simple like watching a film or writing a letter to them. I don't know Megan, Alice or Ella so I can't make assumptions but from meeting you and talking to you away from the boards, you're intelligent, caring and funny. You've made some really positive choices for yourself and have ideas about what you'd like to do as well as being involved in volunteering at the moment. You've achieved a lot in difficult circumstances and that is something to hold on to.

    :yum: cake for you and George :birthday:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with the lanterns idea, a young boy passed away from where I live, he was close to all of us, and he was such a happy little boy, we set lanterns off for him, it helped.

    hope your both okay x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A girl where I live died a few years ago, it was all over the press which made it hard for anyone to grieve or remember her, but every year on the seafront people let go of helium balloons for her birthday. It might be easier than lanterns and it's also a nice way to remember a birthday.
    Just try and stay strong throughout the days, and make sure who ever is around you knows it is her birthday and the anniversary of her death so they can support you if you're feeling down :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I found this quite useful.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I was thinking of setting some Lanterns off, Or maybe some balloons. One birthday Megan and I sat at the back of the room listening to our funny voices with the hellium, it was really funny we couldn't breath for ages through laughing. So it'll be like setting of a memory, except I won't be inhaling the air this time..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Suddenly dawned on me how close this is...

    I know I'm not going to cope. Fact...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    are you having any therapy of any sort?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you ever contacted cruse?

    http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have Emailed them in the past
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it might be worth phoning them if you believe you may be heading for a crisis.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    they do offer free professional bereavement counselling.

    My mother volunteers for them
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not 'strong' when it comes to talking on the phones, I've got an assesment on the 30th for counselling, which is going to be hard since the 30th is also the aniversary..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if there is anything i can do for you, let me know. Im quite good at talking on the phone.

    I would say that it may be the fear of the day, being worse than the actual day.

    It might be helpful to plan that day as a tribute day, and arrange to spend a lot of time thinking and of course crying where you need to.
    Take a solitary day, or only close friends and avoid any unnecessary engagements or appointments.

    go somewhere special or sacred to you, or maybe to you both. Somewhere where you can light a candle and keep it burning all day.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    one of my aunts who sadly lost her beloved husband prematurely last year, spent what would have been his birthday at the beach at their favourte spot, and she threw flowers into the sea
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would love to go to mine and Megans favourite spot, Unfortunatally I don't have the train fair to travel to hull...://
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how much would it be? What about coach?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Coach is just the same if not more since I have a railcard it makes the train a bit cheaper, but still over £100 for a return, and i only get £112 a fortnight..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    can get an advance return on the train for £75

    Can i paypal you the money? Do you have an account?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Replied to your pm :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    can get an advance return on the train for £75

    Can i paypal you the money? Do you have an account?

    Suzy I just want to say that you are a wonderful human being.

    That is all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Suzy I just want to say that you are a wonderful human being.

    That is all.

    :yes: So much love for you Suzy.

    Emmalee, I really hope the days aren't too hard for you. Please stay strong. :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Suzy I just want to say that you are a wonderful human being.

    That is all.

    This :)

    Love you Emmy, always here if you need me xx
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