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a few baby questions again

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
helloo! :wave:

i finally have some time to get on my laptop! i've missed browsing the internets and especially this messageboard :heart:

things are going well.. baxter is 2 months old this wednesday. crazy. he is breaking out this huge, amazing smile a few times a day now (defence mechanism for when he pees on me during nappy change..?) and it's great.

he seems to have backtracked slightly though in that i'm unable to put him down even when he's asleep for more than 10 mins a day without him stirring and crying. this has resulted in me being sofa bound a lot. i realise him crying isn't the end of the world but sometimes when i'm tired it's about weighing up being bored and watching tv vs dealing with him waking up, crying and spending ages trying to settle him again. it's a tough choice. i've done a little research on the internet and it seems to fall into two camps. either it's 'he's a newborn, needs this contact and will grow out of it himself' or 'you're making a rod for your own back, you just need to keep putting him down, he'll learn that way'. which is it do you think? or maybe it's a mix of the two??

also, i've been writing down when he naps, feeds and sleeps for the past 3 days. im not seeing all that much of a pattern during the day at the moment but i guess that's understandable. i was wondering whether it's too early to try and start a nighttime routine e.g. bath, change into sleep suit etc, try and wind him down. i'd still keep it baby-led, i think it'd be crazy not to but any tips on how to settle him for the night would be great. i'd love an hour or two with josh just cuddling on the sofa, we arent having any us time at the moment and don't even share a bed. we're still doing the nights in shifts but i cant see it being okay any other way because he has work the next day and needs his sleep.. plus i'm still breastfeeding so if we did share the responsability for the entire night it would be pointless because i'd breastfeed, he'd poop and i'd wake josh up needlessly just to change the nappy.

thanks for all the tips in the previous thread, i would have posted there but he seems to have come out of the awkward on the boob all the time stage and this is a different topic. he now weighs over 13lb (not stone arctic roll :P) so i must have been doing something right!

would love to hear how this stage of development was like for the other mums or dads here, or anyone else related to a babeh!

hope everyone is welllllllllll :) and happy easter!

p.s. a more up to date pic of bax baxtertattoo.jpg

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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can only speak from what I've observed my sister do (and after a very whiney babysitting session on Fri I'm in no hurry to learn first-hand), but she had Joshua in a bedtime routine from about Baxter's age. I don't know if it helped Josh, but she said it relaxed her a bit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Routine is usually good to have a go at relatively early.

    But it's hard work, some babies just don't go for it right away, some babies are easy as fuck. So, don't have a go at yourself if it's hard.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No useful advice but he's very cute :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its never too early to start into a routine, infact the earlier the better to be honest. Children get used to it even from an early age. My mum got my little sister into a routine from birth, and also my sister is doing the same with Isaac, you will notice a difference and hopefully it will mean you get some time to relax :)

    Working in a nursery I believe routine is important so that children know what is going on and also it allows the parents/carers a chance to have some time to themselves at the end of the day when the Child is in bed. I have seen children come into nursery at 11am, from usually coming it at 9am and it messes up their routine, so I def agree that routine is important.

    I agree with Fiend, some children adapt to routine easier than others, but it's nothing that you will be doing wrong. I am sure your an amazing mummy :)

    Hope this has helped.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm no baby expert but my parents swore by routine with me and my brother, the whole bath, bottle, bed thing at a set time every day. If he's not creating a routine of his own maybe easing him into one will help settle him for longer once he get's to know the score.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't stress about a routine, but there's no harm in trying to get a bedtime routine in place. I do a 7pm bedtime routine (in the bath by 18:30 at the latest and then in bed by 19:00 usually but if he wants to play for longer in the bath then that's fine) and it is my saving grace. Shit day? Well it's not long until bedtime! and you can always start bedtime proceedings a bit early and do a longer bath.

    I started it about 8 weeks and then had to let things slide again because of external factors making it difficult but started again at 13 weeks and it was the best thing. He's responded really well to it and once that bedtime was in place I found that things fell into place a bit more in the daytime. Well, they did after a while - at 8 weeks I was still a bit :crazyeyes: really.

    If he's only sleeping on you ... so be it. At least he's sleeping! Bad habits can usually be changed later. (In my rather limited 6 months of experience anyway.)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks guys, :heart:

    will continue attempting an evening routine, he seems to have a nap around 9pm. i'm thinking giving him a bath around 7pm, feed and then change into his sleepsuit and sleeping bag when the inevitable nappy change happens after a feed.

    khss- by 'put to bed', do you just put him in his bed and leave the room? or do you wait until sleepy or even asleep and then do it? then if he wakes up do we just rock him to sleep (easier said then done i guess) then continue trying to put him in his crib? was your son okay at being put to bed? sorry for all the questions but would really love to try something tried and tested! :heart:

    at the moment we've been waiting till my night shift starts at 2am to put him in his crib for the night as it seems to be the only time he'll let us put him to bed. one nice thing is ive pushed the crib right up against the bed i'm sleeping in so it feels a bit like co-sleeping :heart:

    thanks ba! he's a chunky cutie!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Awwww how gorgeous is your little boy :heart:

    I'm not a mother but I am an aunty and have seen that it's never too early to start a routine but part of me feels that he's still so young that constant reassurance must be a natural thing for babies to feel.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He's beautiful.

    Just do what works for you. I think its good for your own sanity if you keep to some sort of semblance of a routine, but theres no point adhering too strictly.
    If your baby happens to not be happy to be put down, then you just have to go with it. You cant spoil a tiny baby, and their wants are pretty much the same as their needs at that age, and by responding to his needs wherever possible within reason, it will make him feel secure and loved
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I stressed for about a week because I thought people were telling me to get him into a daytime routine. In reality that's not possible and once I realised that it was better - doing the 7pm bedtime made a huge difference to me though.

    Clem I will PM you about sleep x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Heathers right. Nighttime routine is the only one worth bothering with, and hes still young to actually "get it", but I would consider putting him in a winding down, bedtime routine. Bath, clean babygro, story/song and feed in a dimly lit/darkened room, then put him to bed.
    It may mean being up and down the stairs a lot for a while, but it will help him realise the difference between night and day.
    I wouldnt sleep train at all at this age. Hes way too young, so id continue to go to him when he cries, and sit with him, but keep it quiet and boring for him
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^^ agreed.

    I am doing sleep training, but my boy is older and we've been through quite a lot to get to that point (it's not something I've done on a whim, I've done it quite gently and very gradually and he responded well to it.) I was doing a nighttime routine for a long while before I did sleep training. I gradually brought it earlier as well because I used to start it at 18:45 and it took a bit too long.

    Now what I do is this:
    At 6pm take him upstairs and start tidying his room and putting his toys away, and moving anything of mine that I need out of there (I only stopped sharing his room last week.)

    Get his pyjamas ready, make the room dark with just the bedside lamp on and then at 6:15ish take him into the bathroom and start running the bath, take his clothes off and let him roll around in his nappy. Tell him it's BATHTIME and do a half arsed bodge job of baby sign for "bath" at him a lot.

    put him in the bath, wash him, let him play etc (playing started about 4 months, prior to that he was just kicking) then get him out and dunk him up and down in the air while sing-song voice "drain the baby! drain the baby!" which he LOVES. Put him on the towel, dry him etc. Nappy & sudocrem. (Now I make him brush his toothless gums too). Empty bath, pick him up and make him say night night to the baby in the mirror.

    take him into darkened bedroom, put him in pyjamas. Feed him. Burp him. Cuddle him and tell him it's bedtime. Turn the light out (there is still light coming from the landing) and put him in his grobag. Cuddle him, tell him it's bedtime and then put him down to bed. I used to feed him to sleep which is why I have sleep trained now and he now does go down to bed awake and cries for a few minutes before going to sleep.

    When feeding to sleep I just fed him to sleep and put him down in his cot. He sleeps on his front and has done since 3 months but I feel compelled to point out that this is against all the safe sleeping info but he is fine imo like this. Also he won't sleep on his back so you know ...

    I think it's important to do the bedtime routine and do it exactly the same way each night so that he starts to associate those cues with going to sleep in his bed. What happens after that when he wakes up is different, but doing the bedtime routine is (in my opinion) a very good idea.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Another thing, for a while I was going to bed at 7 with the baby. I needed the sleep. Then, when he was going to bed consistently I realised that actually having 2 hours of baby free time was far more important and beneficial to me than the sleep was. I was still going to sleep at 9 when he woke up, but those two hours were IMMENSE. And I didn't do any jobs during them. If I wanted to look at ebay or pinterest for two hours, I would do it and without guilt because it was MY TIME.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm also in the can't spoil a young baby/they grow out of it camp.

    Routine helps, but ime a strict routine is more helpful for the parents than the baby. Babies just do what they do! Neither of mine were babies who would stick to a rigid routine, but we still had one. For us, it was helpful to do the things always in the same order, cause it does seem to help them know what to expect, but not necessarily at the same time. They both eventually settled into their own routine - Madam at about 2 months, but F was nearer 4 months! They are all different.

    As a general rule, I'd also kick anyone who uses the phrase "rod for your own back" (about ANYTHING baby related) in the face. Or just ignore them, which is much less violent. People will criticise whatever you do, so just choose the right thing for your baby, and for your family.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks guys :-) Would never even try inflict a strict routine on him esp at 8 weeks. The day is very much led by him. But ideally would like him to feel comfortable at being put down during the day when he falls asleep just so I can get things done. SCC i keep going back to that really good article you linked in my other thread. Im really s
    hoping he starts to learn that when he cries Im there to reassure him.

    He has a cold right now so putting that on hold and spending day cuddling. Its horrible for him and he sounds so congested As far as night goes he seems to settle around 9pm so we put his sleepsuit and gro bag on and he spends the first half of the night asleep on Josh before waking for a feed and letting me put him in his crib around 2am. Is it even worth being persistant and trying to get him settled in his crib for the first half of the night or just accept for now and he'll feel more settled evenrually?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's probably worth being persistent if that's what you want your baby to start doing, but I don't think it'll be damaging or anything to not make him sleep in his bed right away.

    My sister, with her two, has had a magic crib that clips onto the side of the double bed, so baby is right next to mum all night until they're too big for it. Proximity is not a bad thing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are there any particular sounds and smells he finds comforting? I know some babies find the strangest sounds soothing like the hoover. Could you put a top or jumper you've worn in with him so it smells of you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I started with making them get used to their cribs for daytime naps first, or to just be comfortable in there, or in a bouncy chair whilst im around, and in the room, and not bleary eyed, sleep deprived and desperate to do whatever would make that crying thing shush. Plus I think its more important that he can be ok with being near you but not necessarily in your arms while you get on with stuff, rather than where you sleep.

    Dont worry too much about how long co sleeping will last just now, because any training you do now, you can do later. It isnt a magic window of opportunity that will fly by and then he will never sleep alone if you dont do it now.

    v.01 slept in with me till he was TWO (he had silent reflux and was very unsettled). Still no propblem moving him to his own room when the time came.
    versions 02 and 03 still co slept with me for the first few weeks/months and then went in their own room with no problems.

    I actually think its a bit unnatural to never have your tiny baby in bed with you. We're the only mammal that doesnt, and its entirely cultural, not biological.
    Relax about it xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks again :-)

    We arent actually co sleeping but the next best thing, when he settles in his crib I pull it right upto the bed I'm sleeping in so we are sleeping alongside eachother and I can see him easily.

    During the day I try to put him in his bouncy chair and face him so he can see me but it doesnt last long till he gets upset even though Im constantly talking to him. He wakes up as soon as I put him down so it's tempting just to sit on the sofa all day with him. Im trying to be patient and not focus on it but it's simple things like getting lunch, tidying etc which arent so easy any more.

    Have a device that plays white noise, womb sounds and nursery rhymes. Womb sounds seem good when he eventually nods off. Good news is I go to my mums on the days Josh works late. Her partner really helps me out just having Bax sleep on him so I can go rest. Going to try break up the week further by going to baby massage at the childrens centre once hes over his cold. I think I need to do activities so being sofa bound isnt the focus and big part of my day. SCC do you remember when it really felt like things were feeling more normal/better? I need hope! :-P
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It depends on your baby, but people often quote 12 weeks as a turning point regarding daytime fussing and the ability to just BE without being cuddled. We are now, at nearly 18 weeks, able to sit F in his bouncy chair for up to 20 mins and as long as he can see me, he's quite content. Once they start to be able to sit up and play with things, they're much happier to not be held 24/7.

    Also definitely try to get out when you can - it makes such a massive difference for us. Even if you just go for a walk round the block! Will be easier once the weather improves.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I spent the first two months (probably more really) walking walking walking because he would fall asleep in the pram and then at least he wasn't on me! Then I would wheel him into the house and very quietly get on with jobs while he slept. Can you make your lunch the night before and put it in the fridge?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i've just used a dummy which i said id never ever do. i dont like the idea of it, looking at him with it in his mouth is upsetting me
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Could you give him something else? Maybe one of those cool soothers that you put in the fridge for teething. If you aren't comfortable giving him a dummy you don't have to, but remember that plenty of people use dummy's. You shouldn't feel guilty :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Did he like the dummy?

    dummys can be a godsend, you can keep them for naps and for times when its hard to comfort.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    F had a dummy. I gave it to him at about 3 or 4 months. I should have done it earlier. Dummies are great because when theyre older, you can throw them away. A on the other hand is a thumb sucker and I cant seem to stop her doing it and its making her teeth funny
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A on the other hand is a thumb sucker and I cant seem to stop her doing it and its making her teeth funny

    My 9 year old cousin sucks her middle and ring finger with the palm facing up and it's pushed her teeth out terribly, she's going to need a head brace at night bless her :(

    Clementine, obviously I don't know much first hand about babies, but I think if the dummy brings him comfort and makes it easier for you then there's no problem, as Suzy says you can throw them away and chose when and when not to use them! Don't be too hard on yourself if you can't stick to every single plan you had, babies are very unpredictable *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah my 11 year old cousin still sucks hers and it's pushed her teeth out so she's going to need braces but she never had a dummy. My brother and I both did and never sucked our thumbs. If you're worried about thumb sucking I think it's more to do with the child than dummy use.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks, i had just exhausted all my options. he had just been fed, clean nappy, had a play and was yawning and crying. i tried putting him in the sling and rocking him as well as everything else. i think he just finds sucking soothing. he's fallen asleep with it and it is good to have a break.

    i'm just wary about becoming over-relient on it but when he needs to sleep and is becoming more and more upset, if it soothes him then it cant be cruel.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sometimes needs must! It can only be good for both of you to get a bit of rest x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote: »
    Sometimes needs must! It can only be good for both of you to get a bit of rest x

    :yes: Totally agree
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