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What would you do?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
If one of your family members relied heavily on you for almost everything but failed to acknowledge or appreciate it, they had a huge impact on your mood to the point your depressed when they are around but feeling happy at any other time and they knew you still needed their financial support; e.g. not able to afford to move out at the current time and they exploited that by making you feel trapped...what would you do? I have tried being different...i've done as i've been asked, i've tried the opposite...its really affecting my mood and making me miserable but i dont know what to do???

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi WhiteLillies :wave:

    I can't say that I have a definate answer to your question but I can say I understand how this can be very frustrating.

    Do you feel comfortable enough to be able to tell the family member how you feel? If you feel you can then may be you can sit down and speak to them and tell them you don't feel appreciated for what you do for them and how it is affecting you.

    I hope this helps a little big hugs *hug*

    purple_rain :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The most difficult, but most helpful, answer is to try and get to the point where you understand that they are acting how they are acting because they're "in a bad place/a nasty person/misinformed" and that this isn't a reflection on you. Going to be very difficult for you with your current emotional stress!

    Have you ever looked into transactional analysis? Basically, everyone acts in three roles - parent, child, or adult. Generally the most positive and fulfulling interactions are between Adult-Adult, but with your mum you tend to naturally fall into Parent-Child, and it's part of the challenge of growing up to convert this interaction into Adult-Adult. It's taken me a good few years to do it, and my elder sister still hasn't managed it.

    My other line of thought is about you moving out. I've said this to you before. Is it completely unviable?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks guys...I have tried talking to her but she just throws everything back at me and makes out I am to blame which i know im not because whatever I do is wrong! I agree Purple_roo and a lot of the time I can do that but sometimes it still just gets me down if that makes sense? Lol yeah we use transactional analysis in the workplace! It is something i still need to keep working on with her! Definitely cant afford to move out right now...i really would consider it if it was a viable option...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would do anything i needed to do to not need their financial support anymore, even if that meant making changes id rather not have had to make.
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