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Joke(s)
Indrid Cold
Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
in General Chat
A farmer hears that someone in a nearby village is selling cows. So he decides to go buy one. Getting to the village, he asks a villager in the square if he knows where the farm of the guy who's selling cows is. They give him directions and so he goes there and asks the guy:
-Good morning!
-Good morning to you too!
-I heard you're selling cows.
-Yes, I'm selling a black one.
-Only one?
-Well, yes, I'm also selling a white one.
-Which one is heavier, the black one or the white one?
-Oh! The black one is 250 kgs.
-And the white one?
-The white one is 250 kgs also.
(Hmm... thinks the farmer and scratches his head)
-Which one makes more milk?
-Oh! The black one makes 50 kgs milk each time.
-And the white one?
-The white one makes 50 kgs as well.
(The farmer thinks, this guy isn't right in the head)
-Do they ever kick the bucket?
-Oh! The black one never does.
-What about the white one?
-She never does either.
-You're driving me crazy! Go to hell, I'm leaving.
The farmer goes back to the village's square and comes across the villager who sent him there earlier.
-Hey, I saw that guy who's selling cows. Is he the village idiot or something?
-Why are you asking? Oh, he tried to sell you the black cow, didn't he?
-Yeah, why was he acting like that?
-Well, you see, the black cow is his.
-And the white one isn't?
-No, the white one is his too.
-Good morning!
-Good morning to you too!
-I heard you're selling cows.
-Yes, I'm selling a black one.
-Only one?
-Well, yes, I'm also selling a white one.
-Which one is heavier, the black one or the white one?
-Oh! The black one is 250 kgs.
-And the white one?
-The white one is 250 kgs also.
(Hmm... thinks the farmer and scratches his head)
-Which one makes more milk?
-Oh! The black one makes 50 kgs milk each time.
-And the white one?
-The white one makes 50 kgs as well.
(The farmer thinks, this guy isn't right in the head)
-Do they ever kick the bucket?
-Oh! The black one never does.
-What about the white one?
-She never does either.
-You're driving me crazy! Go to hell, I'm leaving.
The farmer goes back to the village's square and comes across the villager who sent him there earlier.
-Hey, I saw that guy who's selling cows. Is he the village idiot or something?
-Why are you asking? Oh, he tried to sell you the black cow, didn't he?
-Yeah, why was he acting like that?
-Well, you see, the black cow is his.
-And the white one isn't?
-No, the white one is his too.
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Comments
"That's a relief" said his eldest daughter, "because I have always wanted to tell you something. I'm in love with a woman"
Father smiles and says to his daughter "Why would you think that would trouble me, child? You are my daughter and I will always love you"
His youngest daughter sighs and says "In which case Daddy, I should tell you that I am gay too."
Father sighs and says "I will always love you too, but doesn't anyone in this family love men?"
"I do", says his son.
Yeah, do you have to say the joke out loud or...?
'I don't think I've come this way before Gladys'
'Me neither, it must be the cobblestones.'
Man goes into sea food restaurant, and orders from the menu a meal that requires fresh squid. His waiter asks him to pick the one he wants from the tank and he chooses a pale green squid, with a moustache.
Waiter tries to convince him to change his mind, that squid in particular is a favourite of the staff, and has been there years, it's almost a mascot
The man insists, "I want that squid"
Waiter get the chef to come over and kill it. The chef (Gervaise) refuses, and runs off crying. The waiter asks the dish washer, a German called Hans to do the dirty deed. Hans looks down at the squid, and the squid looks back up at Hans; and Hans says "No! I cannot do it either!"
Waiter goes back to the customer and says.
.
.
.
.
"I'm terribly sorry sir, but Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervaise with mild green hairy lip squid"
Guy in Berlin goes to a brothel. Speaks to the madame who says Greta has a special on offer 100 euros. So the guy pays his money and goes to Greta's room.
In the room is Greta, on the bed, with four ducks and each has got springs on it's feet.
'What's all this ?' says the man
to which Greta replies 'Surely you have heard of the four sprung duck technique'
BLUE CHEESE
(You all saw that coming;))
Three engineering students are discussing what sort of God must have designed the human body.
The first says, “God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at all the joints.”
The second says, “I think God must be an electrical engineer. The nervous system has thousands of electrical connections.”
The third says, “Actually, God is a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
-How much for the work?
-Well, something at about 90...
So I gave him my grandma.
It doesn't matter, he won't come anyways.
I'm really confused - can someone explain this joke to me? I've been trying to work it out for ages.
Yeah, I got that.
But, is there a cultural thing we're missing here, or a lost in translation?
A hole was found in the brothel bedroom wall. Police are looking into it.
Actually, I'm not that stupid. There's a big difference between not finding something funny, and not seeing why it's funny at all.
This is what most people would call a bit of a language barrier issue.
Saying "Simply not your kind of humour, probably." says that if it were my kind of humour that I'd get the joke and find it funny. It also implies that I'm not smart enough to understand humour I don't find funny.
The way I see it, one doesn't find a joke funny if at least one of the following conditions is true:
A)They didn't get it
B)It's not their kind of humour
After I made sure A was not true any more (if it ever was), the conclusion was that B is true. What's wrong with that exactly?
You've said that the punchline is that they guy in the square talks in the same way as the cow seller. But having not really seen a problem with the way either of them is talking. We're still a little bit in the dark about what is supposed to be funny, irrespective of whether it is or not.
An example
Two sharks in the sea
Shark 1: What do you fancy for dinner tonight? Is mackerel ok?
Shark 2: No, I'm sick of the same old stuff. Lets go to Morecambe Bay and get a chinese.
The joke isn't funny, but what's supposed to be funny is the punning of a drowning chinese cockle-picker and picking up a chinese takeaway.
So, you can understand what's supposed to be funny, which is what's missing from this cow story. Without finding it funny.
Earlier I explained that "the guy is speaking as if he's about to explain a difference between the cows, but then says there isn't one" and I thought you agreed with that part.
Agreed. It's totally whacky, offbeat humour. I can see why it would be funny to people regardless of where they're from in the world if you're into that kind of thing. It's just not mainstream. If anything, it's the kind of thing I'd expect to see work in a comedy sketch more so than written down, but that's still not to say it can't be funny.
A blue moon.
Easily entertained...
-That doesn't sound good... I can book you an appointment for Monday, could you bring him here?
-Monday? What am I going to do till then? He sleeps with his mouth open and the light is keeping me awake!