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What should I do with that guy?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
It's complicated. I am seeing that guy, we are going to different places together, there was something between us but we are not a couple. I know he likes me but I think he doesn't want a relationship, at least not with me. He's behaviour is confusing me though - unless he is like this to all his friends.

We are going on holiday together soon. He called me a lot of times to talk about it, we met to talk about it, etc. Everything's planned. I agreed to go with him because at that time it looked like there may be a spark between us but now I'm not so sure about it - and that worries me. Now I think that he's either a player and he treats all the girls he knows in the same "sweet" way or... actually I don't know what else.

I had a bf before and I can feel that he doesn't see me as his gf. He wants something else, that's for sure, but that's all. Before, he was flirting with me, now he's not doing it anymore. So am I just a friend to him?

When I first noticed we won't be together, I wanted to tell him I'm not going on that holiday but then I decided to go, after all it was my holiday and he just decided to join me - and I already have everything booked anyway. But I want to make it clear for him that THIS won't happen - as I can see he's not falling in love with me and for me doing it with a "friend" is not an option.

Should I tell him before, during or after our holiday that I don't want to carry on like this? I really like him and it is disappointing that he doesn't feel the same way about me and I want him to know that I'm not happy to be one of his options.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi monicaxx,

    Welcome to the boards :wave:

    It seems like this friendship with this guy started as a potential relationship, you felt like he liked you and you liked him. At this point you booked a holiday, as you were hoping for something more to happen. But now, it seems as though you think his feelings have changed towards you? That he is acting more like a friend and flirting less with you?

    Its up to you what you feel is the right thing to do - as you say you have the option of speaking to him before, during or after the holiday;

    During could make things a bit awkward for the rest of your stay, depending on what has been said, however the topic could come up naturally as you spend more time together, making it easier. Before could help by making you both aware of the boundaries you want to achieve before going away (you say you don't want him to think of you as one of his options - this could be worth mentioning as well). And after could allow you to take it as it comes, and see what happens there and how you feel in consequence to that.

    It's hard to still have feelings for someone when you think he might not feel the same - good on you though for knowing what you want from him - or what you don't want! :yes:

    Do let us know how you get on, good luck*hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for your answer.

    I still don't know what to do, I think I will see if I have a chance to talk to him before that holiday and if not, then I'll see how it goes.

    Somehow I feel that I can forget about being a couple.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whether the behaviour is deliberate or not, it still tells a big story in my eyes. Either he wants to be with you or he doesn't, its not any more complicated than that. Now he might have concerns about getting into a relationship after being hurt in the past, or things happening that you don't know about, but its also possible that he could be playing the field as you suspect he might be. You wont know for sure until you sit down and communicate with him about this.

    If chatting about this happens to wind him up and he becomes defensive then its either you have hit a nerve, or he just isn't ready to be in a serious relationship. Either way you have to ask yourself if you would want to be with that kind of person.
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