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fao parents- struggling with hungry baxter

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I realise I could post this in a mum's forum but I didn't want any judgemental strangers commenting. It may just be a long whinge though. Any tips/ encouragement really, really welcome.

Struggling with feeding Baxter from the boob. I know he's latched on because it doesn't hurt anymore and I can hear him gulping and.. he's a bit of a messy feeder with the milk usually ending up down one cheek when he comes off. It's mostly that he just wants it alllll the time. Today it's been every hour and I'm exhausted. He'll come off the boob, look very asleep, I'll go to put down and suddenly he's awake, alert and making all the signs for the next feed. He won't settle until he's feeding again. My Health Visitor has been really encouraging. He's put on a pound in weight in two weeks and is now a hefty 9lb 6oz. He's been diagnosed with tongue tie too but that isn't getting snipped until Thursday. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it.

Today has been so rotten. I've been told my HB levels are really low and after a tug of war with the hospital and GP surgery I finally have my iron tablets so hopefully that will help. Tonight I came to the end of my tether. I hadn't slept properly since yesterday so Josh went out to buy some formula so I could get a few hours under my belt. I got 5 hours!! But still feel shit he had formula. Especially as the amount reccomended never fills him up so tonight for example he had 50ml extra. I really want to breastfeed so only want to do this in dire circumstances but still feel pretty shit for doing it.

Also Josh is back at work next week. He works 6 days a week and the earliest he'll be back is half 6 in the evening. For two of those days he won't be back till 10.30ishpm because he's working two jobs. I'm absolutely petrified. His support during paternity leave has been amazing. Even when I'm exhausted and finished a long, drawn out feed having someone else there to burp him for 5 mins while I have a breather is just so helpful.

I'm just so scared because I have no idea how we're going to do this other than me being Baxter's sole carer day and night because Josh needs his sleep for work the next day. We've worked out that I'll be sleeping in the nursery with Baxter with me in the moses basket so he can get a decent sleep. I'm just terrified because I'll have absolutely no break. I'm even panicking that I wont have time between feeds/Josh going to work in the morning that I won't get my morning 20 min bath which just seems to put my body back together everyday..

Ahh I dunno. I love being a mum and I love Baxter. I knew it was going to be hard (especially this stage) but I just needed to vent.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If he settles for a little bit after a feed, the can you do something like set the bath running - then feed him. Then get in the bath straight after?

    Sounds like you're both doing a fab job.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I could try that actually. There has to be a way :nervous:

    And thankyou for reading through my massive whine :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it wont be forever. Hes still so tiny. I got a lot of reading and tv watching done in those early days andd..... er yeah, thats about it. It might be helpful to get a proper sling and babywear him as he may be wanting to feed so much to be close to you

    i love his name <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey, I've got nothing helpful. Just that first mumsnet might be actually a good shout. And also that it sounds like you're just trying to be a good mum.
    Give battlebaby a cuddle from his auntie fiend and you can have one too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My sister had loads of problems feeding Sir Squashington I, but got into the rhythm of it after a few weeks.

    She got really into the NCT, and said they were amazingly helpful. Their factsheet on breastfeeding (here) says that tongue tie might prevent him from feeding properly so maybe when that's been snipped and he's had a couple of day to recover you'll get a better thing going?

    Be nice to yourself, you're doing well xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    for baths, i used to either have baby in the bath with me, or in the bouncy chair next to the bath so they could see me.

    Is there any way he can cut out one of the jobs in the short term, because thats a long old day for you on your own. Or maybe have someone come and stay with you or help out during the day? Mum or aunty or some other relative?

    or maybe contact homestart?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hugs clem, sounds like you're doing all the right things. Have you got any close family that could help out during the first week or so you're back at work? Sucks about the anaemia - hopefully you'll feel less tired when the iron kicks in, that can't be helping xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Totally normal! It's exhausting but it does pass.

    Quick advice for now as am feeding atm! Get a sling and learn to feed lying down. Lifesaver.

    Oh, and I binned my iron tabs on Community Midwife advice and took Spatone - worked very well for me and avoided the cannonball poo effect!

    Will be back re the formula when I can :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    spatone or floradix yes!
    also make sure youre eating enough and decent quality food wherever possible. Omega 3 supplements also help increase milk quality, and fenugreek is good if you think youve got low supply as a temporary boost to get you through growth spurts
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't really have any advice, but wanted to send love and hugs :heart: Sounds like you're doing a great job, it must be so stressful, don't beat yourself up about giving him formula once in a blue moon. Your poor boobs need a rest sometimes! My friends pregnant and hers are really sore already, I can't imagine how bad they get once you're actually feeding! *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you should never beat yourself up about anything as we all do what is right at the time, but remember that milk is produced on a supply and demand basis, so if hes feeding more often, it feels difficult, but it means that within the next couple of days, your supply will catch up. If you give him formula at those times, your supply wont actually catch up with his needs and giving formula occasionally, very soon turns into giving it every time. I learnt this the hard way with ds1. If you really do want to exclusively breastfeed, then top ups are not usually the answer. Try fenugreek, lots and lots of fluids, calories, and rest. Try and go to bed with baxter and spend a day just sleeping and feeding and dozing
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do not feel bad or guilty about switching to formula if you are not enjoying breastfeeding. The pressure is there to feed from the boob, but babies can grow up perfectly well on formula. Also, much of the presented pro-breast & anti-formula argument stems from practice in 3rd world countries where the reasons for rejecting formula feeding are due to storage and hygiene related to the formula mix and bottles, which simply don't apply in this country.

    Niamh was always very hungry for her milk and we put her on the formula for hungry babies after not too long. The values to give are more of a guide for the average. Every baby will want their own amount. I vaguely recall we used to mix up more than the suggested amount.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    they can, but she said she wants to breastfeed, which is fab, and very doable for the majority of mothers even if there are tough parts and growth spurts.

    If someone is sure they want to formula feed then all power to them, but often women who give up breastfeeding, would just like a bit of support to carry on through the initial establishing bit
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'll add a shout out for the la leche league who would be happy to offer you help and advice
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    http://kellymom.com/ may be useful?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not much advice to give, as the nearist I've got to breast feeding is watching the kitten suck my ex's nipples whilst he was asleep and wake up horrified.

    anyway advice from mama riot: Let a load of things go, don't worry about keeping up appearance or getting the washing up done, because he won't be like this forever. Sleep when he sleeps, contact la leche league and also a friend of my ma's who is a Doula - http://fairydoula.co.uk/ .

    Hope that helps!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't feel bad about giving formula - it is what it is! But equally, if you really want to keep breastfeeding, you need to really keep it to a minimum, especially in the first couple of months while your supply is being established. A lot of people successfully mix feed later on, but like Suzy said, giving top ups early on can be a slippery slope to your milk supply petering out.

    I know how you feel, cause they gave F formula overnight in special care cause he was hypoglycaemic, and I felt bad about that, even though it was medically advised at the time. But Superbaby didn't have a sniff of formula til she was 8 months old, and F having it at 4 hours old was not part of my plan! But in the end you just do what you have to, and as long as your baby is happy and healthy, it's not a big deal.

    The first few weeks of breastfeeding is a feat of endurance, but once you settle in, it's so lovely!

    Also, there is such a thing as lactation cookies, I recently learned (made with ingredients which boost milk production). What better way to spend your days than holed up on the sofa with a snuggly newborn, knocking back cookies?

    ETA: this is really helpful in terms of what to expect: Timeline of a breastfed baby.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks tons for the replies. It really perked me up just reading everything.

    We resorted to formula again last night. He was getting really agitated at my boobs not being full of milk and really wouldn't settle. Struggled again though when giving him formula, it was so obvious he was disappointed with it. But it gave my boob a break for just under an hour and it seemed to top itself up so I was able to feed during the night and early hours. I'm definitely going to look into taking the supplements. Cookies sounds interesting! Ringing a breastfeeding lady today to tell her about my problems in the evenings too.

    SCC I'm gonna try the slumber day tomorrow when he goes back to work. That sounds like such a good and do-able idea. At the moment we wouldn't be able to cut his working hours but I'm really hoping once working tax credits kick in and child benefit that maybe we can take a look again.

    My mum popped over yesterday and made us chicken soup as well as being great and tidying everything up.. even putting tulips in a vase on the dining table. She's coming over at the end of the week too to do the same. Would love for her to stay the week but she works full time and there isn't really anyone else.

    I'm waiting on the baby carrier being delivered. I'm so excited because I'm really not getting on very well with our big, bulky buggy. But I'll definitely be using it around the house too.

    Kaff how'd you breastfeed lying down? Is it more lying on your side? I'm so paranoid about falling asleep with him next to me. I realise parents do this quite safely and comfortably but I guess it's my first time mum paranoia :)

    And I'll check out the links people posted too. Thanks :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if youre in a big bed with him, you wont roll on him. If youre breastfeeding, you will be extra in tune with him and sleeping slightly less deeply. if youre not drinking/smoking or on medication, youre in a bed, and youre a breastfeeding mother, then its as safe as can be
    http://www.breastfeeding-problems.com/nursing-lying-down.html
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yep, you lie on your side, lie him facing you with his head at boob level and curl round him a bit. Then just hoik nipple into his mouth (he'll probs need a bit of help - when they're older they can latch on by themselves!). Make sure you're lying somewhere safe - flat and firm, with no cushions or bedding near him and far enough from an edge that he can't roll off. Then it's perfectly safe for you to go to sleep while feeding - that's the beauty! You are designed to do this, and as long as you haven't been drinking, smoking or taking drugs that would make you drowsy (inc prescription and OTC ones), you will naturally have a awareness for him even while you're asleep, so you won't squish him or suffocate him, and if he is having a problem, you'll wake up.

    Also the fussy evening thing is a normal thing and may not be linked to the quality or quantity of your milk! Some babies are worse for it than others. Have you looked up colic? This normally starts at 2-3 weeks, and is worse in the evenings, but they do grow out of it by 3-4 months. F was a bugger for it - he didn't have classic colic, but he does have reflux, and combined with normal newborn fussing he ended up either screaming or being latched on all evening until he finally fell asleep. This was fine later on, i just ended up watching telly all night with a nip pernanently in his mouth, but in the early bleedy nipple stage it made me want to weep! He's just growing out of the fussing now at almost 12 weeks.

    Deffo try support for the feeding - our BF workers in this area are brilliant, and if you have a local breastfeeding group, they can be great too - I went to mine for ages, even after Superbaby went onto formula. It was really just a place to go and chat, meet other mums (get free tea & toast) and not have to worry about feeling awkward when your baby needed a feed, cause everyone was in the same place.

    Obv once you are hardened like me you'll whip a nip out anywhere and not care ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My brother used to be latched on to my mum for a couple of months, and I think he was 18months before he was finally persuaded with the formula, I think every child is different, as most of my other siblings had breast milk for around 6-8months then moved on to formula.

    It will get easier, I think he also likes the comfort of being close to your chest as well, so maybe when he does wake up, you could just try holding him? Or, have you brought the amazing dummy around yet?

    Good luck x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello I've not posted for ages I know but never mind, here goes.

    My boy is 5 months old now and I breastfeed him exclusively. He is a hungry boy and I struggled a LOT at the start because it felt like a huge burden on me, but I knew that I didn't want to formula feed. I had lost a lot of blood during my c section and had no sleep in the hospital because he just wanted to be ON ME all the time. I found it very difficult to heal myself while feeding and caring for my baby and I spent a lot of time crying and worrying over it. Here are the things that I did and found to help:

    1. Make sure you are eating and drinking enough.
    Drink drink drink as much as you can. It is HARD to eat and sleep yourself when you have a baby because most of the waking time they are wanting to feed. I ate a LOT of jaffa cakes, bananas, apricots and cheese thins because I could eat them while I was feeding, they didn't need any preparation and I could leave them next to me and not worry about putting them away.

    2. Also, oats. Get some flapjack down you. Get some flapjack in your bedroom and eat it in the middle of the night.

    3. Drinking in the night: get some sports bottles and fill them with water. Aim to drink both of them through the night, that way you will know you are drinking enough to keep your supply up over night. I found sports bottles to be the best as you don't need to fanny around with a lid and you're less likely to spill it on your baby when you're drinking. (This goes for the days as well.)

    4. Isotonic drinks. When my baby has a growth spurt he feeds non stop, all the time, and I feel like I have nothing left. If I drink one or two of these when I feel like I'm not making enough milk it seems to really help.

    5. As Abbie and Kaff have said above, it's supply and demand. He's feeding a lot to increase the supply to what he needs, and when he has a growth spurt he will feed like a little hungry demon for a couple of days and then when the supply is how he wants it it will settle down again. The hardest one for me was the 6 week growth spurt. It was hell. But, you just kind of have to get on with it and know that it will pass.

    My friend's baby had tongue tie and found it hard to latch. It used to take him 45 minutes just to do a feed so often by the time he had finished it wasn't long until he was hungry again. You may find that it improves when he's had that sorted.

    I think a lot of people struggle with the mental/emotional side of breastfeeding. Physically I've had no problems at all and have had copious amounts of milk (am so over everything being sticky btw) which is fab. What was hard was the dependence on me and there not being any way for anyone to help me. Also, he still feeds every 2.5 hours pretty much even at 5 months which is a bit :yeees: but that's just how he is and in reality it's such a short time that I'm just resigned to it now.

    Our situation sounds like yours: my husband is a bad sleeper and I wanted my own space in which to feed baby at night so I've been sleeping in baby's room (well since before he was born because our bed was too low when I was massive) all the time. It is hard being the only one doing it, it really really is. I've been at the point since about maybe 10 weeks that it just became ok and it is how it is, and it won't be like that forever, and we have a really fabulous bond.
    (Also, even if we bottle fed it would still be me doing it but with the added disadvantage that I'd have to get up and prepare bottles in the night whereas with BF I just blearly stumble over to the cot, hoik him out, let him feed while I sort of snooze, give him a hug and then put him back to bed.)

    You sound like you're doing brilliantly. I felt like I still needed to achieve all the jobs and bits and bobs daily that I was beforehand but really I didn't need to. Focus on you and baby. Make sure you are eating and drinking and sleeping as best you can. Don't worry about doing anything else.
    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Woah KHSS hello! :wave: *ahem - back on topic*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yep youve got to remember that the times someone will actually feed the baby for you, are in reality not that often, so someone else being able to feed him isnt always going to be something to make the decision based on, and if they do, half the time youlll be there anyway as it will be because youve got a visitor. Theyd be more helpful dong your washing up for you tbh, or they can have cuddles without feeding him..

    I fed L for 3/4 months exclusively and then my supply dwindled and dried up as the occasional formula top up, became whole feeds as my milk production just slowed every time i replaced a feed and it happened a lot quicker than id have liked. I was actually gutted as i hadnt meant to stop so soon.
    I fed F for 10 months, and only stopped as i was quite heavily pregnant with A and couldnt be doing with the idea of tandem feeding, plus didnt want him to associate new baby with her taking his milk, so wanted a gap.
    I fed A for 6 months as i was a bit babied out and depressed but I felt like I wanted to get to 6mths and then see how i felt and also then i wouldnt have to bother with sterilising. Giving myself a time limit of how long id feed for helped in this instance.
    I was lucky to not have too many problems, although for some reason i had a fair bit of pain establishing it with A, but it passed after a few weeks, and tbh, once you DO get in to it and your supply established, its SOO much easier than FF, plus its snuggly and lovely and bonding.
    When i mix fed L, the first few times he slept longer, but tbh, after that, he was still waking up JUST as much in the night as when he was breastfed, with the main difference being that i had to go downstairs and sort him out a bottle instead of just getting my tit out, snuggling up and going back to sleep. I found it a huge faff with a younger one who wants feeding a lot, plus really expensive.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my partner just used to sleep through them waking too, so luckily that was not an issue. I would bring baby into bed and cradle them in my arm on the outer side of the bed whilst feeding, so no danger of deep sleeper rolling on them, and i could easily put baby back in the basket if i thought i could get away with it.
    Also when they got older Mr creamcheese always went to bed a few hours later than me, so he would see to baby if they woke in the 1st part of the night to try and settle without feeding, and i would deal with the 2nd part of the night if they woke.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hiya,

    just wanted to say I'm reading this thread a lot on my mobile but haven't seemed to have a moment to type a reply until now.

    Thanks so much everyone :heart: My baby carrier arrived today so Baxter permitting we are off to the breastfeeding group soon ish. I think he must be going through a growth spurt, he never seems satisfied and I know he's latched on because the milk usually ends up down his chin after a particularly enthusiastic feed.

    Last night was a nightmare. He wouldn't settle at all and I had caught maybe a 2 hour nap during the day. Nothing would make him happy, he kept latching on and then coming off just to scream. Formula didn't work. Pacing up and down with him didn't work and I know it sounds like I'm being dramatic but all of my senses had gone and it was a struggle not to walk into a wall. I felt I had gone delirious and just started bawling. Josh took him into the bedroom with him around half 1 and I slept until half 6. So josh got barely any sleep and had him on his chest all night which I want to avoid doing.

    Ahh I have to rush now. Spoke to Health Visitor who reckons he may have a bit of colic so gonna try pick up some drops.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good luck with the breast feeding group.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    youre not being dramatic, sleep deprivation is hideous hideous hideous and you have my sympathy.
    If Josh is getting full sleep every night usually though, I think it would be a good idea if he let you get a good lie in on the day he doesnt work. Remember youre both in it together. How old is Baxter now?

    Do you have a bouncy chair. I really recommend the baby bjorn one over all others.

    I would really consider not worrying too much about all the things you wanted to avoid doing tbh. Reality IS often different from theory, and learning to sleep with baby on your chest is not the end of the world. If he is colicky or refluxy, this is probably a really soothing position for him. Get yourself a V shaped pillow, prop yourself up a bit, lie him on your chest, put the radio on low, and try and nap like that. If it IS colic, lying down flat will be really painful for him, because colic is like heartburn from his little immature oesphagus, so bouncy chairs, slings, and sleeping propped up are really the way to go, and it WONT be forever.

    Just do what you need to do to get through these early weeks/months. Throw out the text books and have some confidence in your abilities. You are doing FINE. I promise you xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    and if anyone mentions the phrase "rod for your own back" feel free to kick them in the shins.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My first baby slept on her daddy's chest ALL the time, and she's is just fine.
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