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Dating
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
:wave:
This is a bit of an odd post - with a bit of everything.
I may have a date next week. I've only 'dabbled' in dating, so it's all a bit scary :nervous: In fact I wouldn't really say I've ever had a proper formal date.
I guess part of it is my self-esteem is pretty low, and I just think everyone is going to hate me. I can sometimes fake confidence so hopefully that will be OK. And then I feel like I have SO MUCH baggage. I've not done too well after a messy breakup AND I'm generally just quite ill. Like... there are better more carefree options out there really
Also. To do with my mental health. I'd probably not want to mention it until WAY down the line. But that point is probably quite a bit after I'd have sex with someone. And I have self-harm scars. That's a bit :rolleyes:
I obviously just want to go with the flow, see some people, see how it goes.... But I want to have at least thought about these issues beforehand and be sort of prepared... rather than BAM DECIDE WHAT TO SAY NOW sort of thing.
This is a bit of an odd post - with a bit of everything.
I may have a date next week. I've only 'dabbled' in dating, so it's all a bit scary :nervous: In fact I wouldn't really say I've ever had a proper formal date.
I guess part of it is my self-esteem is pretty low, and I just think everyone is going to hate me. I can sometimes fake confidence so hopefully that will be OK. And then I feel like I have SO MUCH baggage. I've not done too well after a messy breakup AND I'm generally just quite ill. Like... there are better more carefree options out there really
Also. To do with my mental health. I'd probably not want to mention it until WAY down the line. But that point is probably quite a bit after I'd have sex with someone. And I have self-harm scars. That's a bit :rolleyes:
I obviously just want to go with the flow, see some people, see how it goes.... But I want to have at least thought about these issues beforehand and be sort of prepared... rather than BAM DECIDE WHAT TO SAY NOW sort of thing.
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Comments
As for the scars, I can only suggest don't make a big deal out of it. My scars are pretty noticeable but I just carry on as normal.
Don't go into the date wanting sex out of it. Just enjoy a nice drink or dinner and if they're interesting it's a bonus. If there's a click depression won't put them off but there's no need to pour your heart out before a first date.
I hope it goes well. Try and relax, you're attractive and intelligent.Just let that shine through. And if there's no click it's probably them not you!
And I'm definitely not intending to pour my heart out.... Just feel a bit of a fraud. It's the same in lots of areas of my life, I feel like by making a massive effort to not let my cracks show through I'm tricking people. Can anyone relate?
Also have fun! How exciting :yippe:
What the other are saying makes a lot of sense, I just wanted to say:
You talk about going through mental health problems and baggage as only a negative thing. But people come as a whole - with easier and more difficult sides. Going through difficult times can teach you a lot about yourself, which can develop a lot of good qualities that someone who hasn't gone through the same just wouldn't have.
So, a more carefree option might, for example, have a lot less depth than you. You definitely seem to be self-aware. And people who have had to look at themselves more are often better able to understand and relate to things that other people find difficult. Depth, self-awareness and understanding are all very appealing things to have in a partner!
I hope the date goes well
Hope it goes well for you !
Nahhhh
I've been on both sides of the coin on this one. Having a positive attitude about it all really helps, and your mental health issues do not define you as a person. You are you first and foremost! Like the great oracle arctic said - if things click then they click. It's totally your choice about if and how you tell them - for instance I walk with a stick because of the fibromyalgia. Most of the time I won't bring it up unless I'm asked or it comes to a point where I really need to. But mental health issues aren't like walking with a stick, and you're not lying by not saying anything and tbh, you'd probably get a bit freaked out if someone just told their entire life story on the first date! Just tread lightly and see how it goes.
Spill....................
And yes, my interest is partly motivated by the complete and utter lack of gossip in my own life.
Was fun faking his departure at 11pm and then hiding him from my housemates until they left in the morning....
I don't want to worry you, but i've heard that rubberskin might be gay. Dont tell anyone i told you. Shhhhhh
OMG I had NO idea. Who told you that?