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my godfather's very ill

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello. My godfather had a heart attack on sunday, and has been unconscious since. He is one of my favourite people in the whole world, and I'm so scared and sad. No one's allowed to see him atm so there's no point going back home to visit.

On thursday night I said something that made this happen. What can I do to make him alright? It's my fault he's like this, I can't let him die.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Grace wrote: »
    Hello. My godfather had a heart attack on sunday, and has been unconscious since. He is one of my favourite people in the whole world, and I'm so scared and sad. No one's allowed to see him atm so there's no point going back home to visit.

    On thursday night I said something that made this happen. What can I do to make him alright? It's my fault he's like this, I can't let him die.


    sorry to hear about ur grandfather :(. itrs nice tio have someone close and u love. dont blame ur-self its not ur fault that that happened. i hope u get to see him soon. u can make or buy him get well soon card and a pressent to cheer him up. hope he will be fine. they can give him meds to help him too
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It isn't your fault at all hun *hug* Stay strong, I really hope he pulls through. Do you have any one you can see/speak to who'll support you? :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not your fault at all, saying something to someone isn't enough to give them a heart attack.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Lea* wrote: »
    It's not your fault at all, saying something to someone isn't enough to give them a heart attack.

    I agree. I hope he recovers fully, and soon.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He still hasn't woken up, and now the doctors are talking about brain damage :( I need him to wake up NOW

    I've stopped thinking that it's my fault, I think that that was just the first night when I was so scared and there was nobody else there in the house to talk to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They're having a conference today to decide whether to turn his life support off. I'm going back home, because even if I don't go and see him, I want to be with my family.
    If I have the opportunity, should I go and see him before his POSSIBLE death? Last time I saw him we were all really happy and we both had a really lovely time. I don't really want to have a last memory of him unconscious in a hospital bed but I'm worried I'll regret it if I don't.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm strangely calm. I was a bit hysterical this morning but now I can't really feel anything at all, and I've stopped crying. I don't like this, I would prefer it to hurt and hurt and hurt, I don't want to feel numb.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was with my Nan when she died, she was at home and she suddenly got very bad over the period of 48 hours. Me and my mum were the only two who stayed with her the whole time throughout this, and although it was horrible to see I'm glad I was by her side.
    It hasn't taken away the good memories seeing her like that, it's just made me appreciate them more. Would you be able to go to the hospital with some of the family, and then decide when you're there whether you want to go in?

    Huge hugs to you, please feel free to PM me if you'd like a chat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They turñed off his life support. I went to see him tonight, and I'm so glad I did. I'm well aware that it's likely that that was the last time I'll ever see him alive. I hope he feels loved, because I've been loved by him and his wife more than I've ever deserved and I don't know whether I've ever really told them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello. My parents are at the hospital to give his wife some time to sleep, she's been awake for more than two days. I was there today and last night but I've already said goodbye and I can't deal with dragging it out. But now I'm at home alone, and I'm exhausted and can't sleep and feeling all kinds of mad and sad. I don't kmow what to do. I've been looking at pictures of us together this evening and I think if I see them again I'm going to fall to pieces.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And this probably belongs in health and wellbeing now, but I don't know what to do. He's dying and I feel like I'm dying.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hugest hugs grace x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he isn't going to. he's going to die.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Grace wrote: »
    he isn't going to. he's going to die.

    Why do you say that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hug* Grace, I'm only an inbox away if you ever need a chat. :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote: »
    Why do you say that?

    because his life support machine has been turned off.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    omg hi wrote: »
    because his life support machine has been turned off.

    Sorry, I missed that.

    Grace, I'm sure you know from other threads that a lot of us have been where you are now. Please ask us for any help we can give you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Grace wrote: »
    They turñed off his life support. I went to see him tonight, and I'm so glad I did. I'm well aware that it's likely that that was the last time I'll ever see him alive. I hope he feels loved, because I've been loved by him and his wife more than I've ever deserved and I don't know whether I've ever really told them.

    You can tell her. When people are beginning to grieve, all of that support and those words of love are very important.

    I bet he knows you love him, some things don't need to be said in order to be true.

    Huge hugs. Are you in a position to visit your GP about how the grief is affecting your mental health? The two are very closely related and it's completely normal to feel as though you're falling to pieces. That doesn't make it any less shit, of course.

    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thank you.
    he's still alive, although getting worse and worse. i think i'm going to go in today, give him a kiss and say goodbye, for the last time, even if he 'lives' another week. i hope he doesn't feel like i'm abandoning him.
    last night was bad. i called the samaritans in the end, who were wonderful, and i talked to a lady about my relationship with him, and stuff we do. that calmed me down enough to go and do some baking. i haven't slept at all, but i've got loads of cakes.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Grace wrote: »
    last night was bad. i called the samaritans in the end, who were wonderful, and i talked to a lady about my relationship with him, and stuff we do. that calmed me down enough to go and do some baking. i haven't slept at all, but i've got loads of cakes.

    Brilliant. I'm really glad you're back in the UK during all of this, I was worried you were stranded in France.

    I'm sure your godfather's wife would appreciate a piece of those cakes whilst she's hanging around in the hospital.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    said goodbye today for the last time, i don't want to go back again. just saw somebody jump off the bridge i was driving over. i'm feeling strange.
    don't know whether i should go back to france tomorrow. i want to have something to do but i also want to be with my family.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should stay with your family for now grace. I assume that the end is very close and that you'd like to be at the funeral as well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote: »
    I think you should stay with your family for now grace. I assume that the end is very close and that you'd like to be at the funeral as well.

    I agree. I also think the support of your family will be very important right now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You are being very strong about all this and well done for going to see him when you felt you needed to even if it was hard.

    Grieving can be very confusing and emotional, especially as perhaps it feels like you are in limbo now waiting to see what will happen or when. Everything you feel is in itself a process to deal with all this - the Cruse Bereavement Care gives a good list of natural feelings you are experiencing or will potentially experience.

    It's nice to have your family around you - and do keep posting - as everyone says there is a lot of support and hugs here for you :yes: *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've got another whole night by myself while mum and dad are at the hospital, and I'm scared.
    I just spoke to my godmother on the phone, and she said it would be really nice to see me tomorrow, but I don't think I can go back to the hospital. I really don't want to let her down, but I wanted today to be IT. I'm not strong enough to keep saying goodbye to him, but I want to make things as easy as possible for her.
    Thank you to everyone that's helping x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hugs Grace. You won't be letting anyone down. Although do you think meeting her for a coffee at the hospital may help a bit? Especially if you've spent all night on your own. Xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hugs Grace. You won't be letting anyone down. Although do you think meeting her for a coffee at the hospital may help a bit? Especially if you've spent all night on your own. Xxx

    She won't leave his room, I can't see her without seeing him. My mum's seeing her tonight so if she asks, I think mum'll explain what's going through my head. I wanted to explain myself but she's asleep right now so calling will make things worse. I don't want her to feel I've abandoned her
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been really hyper and shaky all day. My granny asked how he was and then I started laughing and laughing and couldn't stop, and I really don't know why.
    I've got another night on my own, and I don't know if I'll be able to sleep.
    I just want him to die now, and I feel like an awful awful person for wanting that. His body's falling to pieces, and everyone around him is getting more and more stricken.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hug*

    I'm so sorry to read this thread, Grace. It's so hard to have to sit around and wait when you know the inevitable has to happen. I hope it isn't dragged out for too long.

    Do you have another relative who you could stay with while your parents are at the hospital? Or a friend who could come over? Perhaps you could call a friend or relative for a chat if not? This isn't a good time to be on your own so much. If things do take longer, maybe your parents could take it in turns to go to the hospital so you're not left alone?

    We're here for you x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you.
    My sister called and we talked for ages about nothing, but now she's gone it's really quiet and I sort of feel worse. I don't really have anyone that lives near enough that I could stay with, if it had happened to anyone else, it would be him I'd stay with. I think if I asked one of my parents to stay home with me, they would, but I'd feel terrible for the one at the hospital alone, it's harrowing being there given that both of them see him as a shell and have already said goodbye. It would be
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