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What happenned to me?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok today I had kind of a 6 hour "episode" at work. I don't really know what triggered it....but all of sudden at about 11am this morning i just felt....hopeless, useless, worthless.

For the rest of the work day i was basically unable to function, talk properly, look people in the eye. I just stared at my screen or into space, did some work, and drank copious amounts of water. I don't even remember most of the day, except thinking "i am suffering here, why is noone asking me if I'm alright". For those few hours i just saw no point in anything, no future and like everyone was against me.

At the end of the day i got in the car, drove to a massive car park, found a space in the middle of nowhere and just cried for half an hour. I literally wanted to die. The only thing that made me remotely ok was the thought of not being here anymore :no:

But now i am home, I am ok....

What happenned to me? I feel low sometimes, feel lonely a lot of the time.....but nothing like that :eek2:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know what it could be, sorry- not experienced anything like that myself (well, not on such a sudden time-scale).

    Do you think there may have been some sort of trigger? Just before the episode did anything happen? Anything stressful for example?

    Glad you are feeling a bit better now you are home *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know what it could be, sorry- not experienced anything like that myself (well, not on such a sudden time-scale).

    Do you think there may have been some sort of trigger? Just before the episode did anything happen? Anything stressful for example?

    Glad you are feeling a bit better now you are home *hug*

    Thanks for the reply.

    I really can;t think of anything, it was just a normal day, normal work, co workers chatting **** and it just hit me and then got worse as the day wore on.

    Genuinely horrible....god knows what everyone thought of me :no: just hope it doesn't happen again
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Neddy wrote: »
    "i am suffering here, why is noone asking me if I'm alright".
    Neddy wrote: »
    Genuinely horrible....god knows what everyone thought of me :no: just hope it doesn't happen again

    Maybe you have answered your own question? Maybe no one realised anything was up? I know there are days at work I feel like shit but I think there are no outward signs to show I am feeling rubbish, at least no one says anything to me either.

    It does sound scary. Do you like your job? Or have you been thinking about what you are doing and where you are wanting to go in life?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe you have answered your own question? Maybe no one realised anything was up? I know there are days at work I feel like shit but I think there are no outward signs to show I am feeling rubbish, at least no one says anything to me either.

    It does sound scary. Do you like your job? Or have you been thinking about what you are doing and where you are wanting to go in life?

    Yeah you might be right. I can be really quiet at work even when i am ok....i suppose maybe i felt so bad i thought it must be showing outwardly. Maybe not. Or maybe they don't care. Doesn't really matter either way actually :chin:

    I like my job most of the time. I don't think today really had anything to do with my work, i just went temporarily insane. :no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Felt better today but still pretty rubbish, tried to talk to my mum last night, not much help there.

    And talked to a colleague/friend today at work, she told me i am good and shouldn't be so hard on myself bla bla bla, and she's right.

    But I am still all by myself on a friday night yet again and will be all weekend. I honestly think it's just loneliness :eek2:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Neddy

    Good on you for talking to your mum and your colleague, it's not easy to admit to feeling low.

    I just wondered if you've ever talked to a doctor or counsellor about your loneliness and how it makes you feel? I'm no professional and am in no way trying to diagnose, but the feelings you had yesterday may be anxiety or depression related.

    Maybe you could try speaking to someone at Saneline - they may be able to help you work things out a bit more:
    http://www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/support/helpline/
    0845 767 8000

    I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today. Take care.

    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Make sure you're not in the house the whole weekend, get yourself out during the day, and have a work, or get the bus into town. The fresh air and exercise will help to make you feel a bit better.
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