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Moving On

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ex will find someone else, someone better. Rosie will love him too and they'll all live together as one happy family. I'll get an access weekend if I'm really lucky while some other man gets to raise my daughter.

    It'll all be brilliant happy families. I'll be an inconvenience. I'll be discarded. It's what happens.

    Remind me what I'm supposed to be hanging on to?

    surely she wouldnt restrict access? She never struck me as a complete cunt?
    Youll get lots of time with her and entire holidays and noone will replace you x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    surely she wouldnt restrict access? She never struck me as a complete cunt?
    Youll get lots of time with her and entire holidays and noone will replace you x

    This x a million.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A niece of mine has just become a teenager and she still enjoys the time she spends with her birth father. I know it's not the same, but it is a very long way from worthless.

    Some people can jump to the wrong conclusion when she talks about her two dads.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    surely she wouldnt restrict access? She never struck me as a complete cunt?
    Youll get lots of time with her and entire holidays and noone will replace you x

    This is what I wanted to say.

    You're her dad, not some hypothetical - perhaps kinda nice - stranger.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ex will find someone else, someone better. Rosie will love him too and they'll all live together as one happy family. I'll get an access weekend if I'm really lucky while some other man gets to raise my daughter.

    It'll all be brilliant happy families. I'll be an inconvenience. I'll be discarded. It's what happens.

    Remind me what I'm supposed to be hanging on to?

    I'd feel the same if my kids were living with another woman, but sadly it's you who has to be the bigger person in this situation, because your daughter will get caught in the middle if not. You may well be 'an inconvenience' to your ex, but you never will to your daughter. In fact, most of the people I know in this situation, the kids idolise the parents they don't live with because they get to have all the fun and none of the day-to-day crap. I know from your POV you'd prefer to be there day-to-day and have all the difficult stuff, but it doesn't have to be all bad.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    surely she wouldnt restrict access? She never struck me as a complete cunt?
    Youll get lots of time with her and entire holidays and noone will replace you x

    That's not quite what I meant. I'm sure I'll get access, but some other fucker will have her permanently. An access weekend ain't quite the same thing as being a constant in someone's life.

    Even her saying she has "two daddies" would be too much.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that might never happen
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ignore me, I think I'm just having a phase where I want my family back.

    I'm lonely.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ignore me, I think I'm just having a phase where I want my family back.

    Which is totally understandable. But that isn't just the way things happen, and deep down I think you know it. You're just using that image to hurt yourself with.

    Sodchild is a smart cookie, she knows who her dad is.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Been away for weekend staying with friends.

    But now I'm back home. It's cold and silent, I'm tired and just feel really on edge now. There is too much missing from what was OUR home. No noise, no smells, no people.

    Hmm. Maybe I should try and sleep before I drop from melancholy into depressed again.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like a smart move.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Today is not going well.

    Long conversation with the ex about selling our house, and then the two rooms I was interested in down in London appear to have gone in the few hours it took me to reply.

    Just feeling like I don't know why I fucking bother getting out of bed.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is one of the joys of hunting for somewhere to live in cities. For anywhere that you'd actually want to live it's pretty much a case of needing to know what you're after, or having the info you need to make a decision at your finger tips and being able to say yes straight away to something you want.

    Persist and you'll succeed.

    (At least you've got a shot - I'd swap househunting in London for my last project any day).

    Selling the house isn't going to be fun, but I know you know it needs done, at least this way you're doing it all at once.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is one of the joys of hunting for somewhere to live in cities. For anywhere that you'd actually want to live it's pretty much a case of needing to know what you're after, or having the info you need to make a decision at your finger tips and being able to say yes straight away to something you want.

    And, as you said a number of times, you might find yourself in a position where you can move a bit early and househunt from a friend's base in town from which you can just say yes immediately. Something will come up!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sure it will do really.

    I'm just having one of those days where nothing is going quite right. The outlook is very grey. I just feel empty and exhausted now after being so sad earlier.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The weather won't be helping.

    It's also completely normal to feel empty after let downs. Don't beat yourself up about it, and try not to get into the mindset that that's always how it's going to be.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Today I am pissed off at the world and everything in it.

    I am pissed off at myself for this.

    I know this happens when I bottle up what's upset me. But I never know how to show I'm upset. I always expect to be ignored or abandoned if I acknowledge to someone that they have upset me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my friend may possibly have someone who would share with you. I havent forgotten, she just messaged me yesterday x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you are validly upset and if the other person is any form of decent, if you articulate it you shouldn't be ignored or abandoned.

    the person may have no clue that they had upset you, and may want to modify their behaviour.

    a fear of abandonment is not any excuse to let yourself be walked over.
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