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Reaquaintance "just friends" has become complicated

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is complicated and i posted about it in a previous post but things have come on so far i wanted to write another post. Basically i saw a girl i was meeting/seeing 2 years ago, when she was back this xmas. She was not really wanting to have me as a friend because things didn't work out, at the time i didn't want to commit (i wasn't sure what i wanted), i wrote a full on card and delivered it with some flowers to her. Since then i have spent most of my free time this year with her, she has been over to mine countless times. Here is where the issue is at the moment:

Me and her have talked and talked, and she is constantly worrying about Uni work and likes this guy at uni, but is worried about getting hurt, things seem to bee very complicated in head.

The 2nd time she came round to mine, we ended up hugging and holding hands etc, since then we met up loads she has been over at mine stopping the night, 3rd time she was over we slept together and i did have sexual contact with her, though she stopped it before sex occured saying it was awkward because she didn't know what she wanted.

She has been over loads since and we still spend lots of time together, i have been cooking for her lunch and dinner etc, we have on a few occasions been able to talk about things.

She has told me that she is attracted to me, but that her feelings for this guy at uni are stronger and that she wants to stop doing the more intimate stuff with me, problem is it is hard having slept with her soo much.

I started this wanting her in my life even if just as friends, and after what happened its complicated things, when she is over i often put my arm round her and we are sat very close together on the sofa and sometimes nothing is said but i can tell she feels uncomfortable about it. It just feels like the passion is burning away, i guess there isn't much that can be done about that.

I guess i want to know how to take control of the situation or maybe i should let her decide, if things don't work out with the guy at uni etc..

I wondered whether i should suggest we have a break? but then im not good at that, but she might agree, i don't know..

She has said she is attracted to me etc, confusing, but the passion is low at the moment she is always on her phone, the talk yesterday with her about this guy was very confused and mixed she says her feelings for him have changed slightly but she still wants to be with him

Any help would be great, thanks for listening x

Old post is here if anyone wants more background:
Girl I had a thing with 2 years ago is back for xmas but wants just friends

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like she is confused about what she wants, or wants to have her cake and eat it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I honestly think if she genuinely wanted to be with you she already would be.

    She wants the other guy (she has said this) but likes the attention you give her so carries on seeing you aswell, almost as a back up. I happen to think that's pretty cruel. Even if you end up together do you really want to be 2nd best?

    My advice would be to back off. If she does want you, she'll come back....if not, at least you know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for your comments guys, Neddy i think you hit the nail on the head with your comment. It doesn't matter anyway now, 6 hours ago she announced "in a relationship" with that guy from uni on facebook. When i looked in the mirror i was very pale, she said she would be back wed/thurs and we could hang out. Its Wednesday now, and so i expected she probably meant Thursday, i saw it coming but to be honest it still hit me when i read that. I am not sure how things will be now with her, wether she will contact me or not. I've not done anything wrong.. chances are we will still meet up but the boudaries will be clearly defined and im not sure how i will cope, being selfish i will be always wanting more..

    Well a very eventuful start to the new year soo far, life is full of suprises. I went for it, thing is i wanted to be able to speak to my folks with good news about this. I haven't spoke to them in ages about things, and now all the good times will be masked by the fact that she is in a relationship with someone else.. I'm going off on one now, i will be okay.. i've been here before, just hope i haven't alienated my friends too much, not given any answers to most of them...

    Thanks for listening everyone x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    goddog2 wrote: »
    Thanks for your comments guys, Neddy i think you hit the nail on the head with your comment. It doesn't matter anyway now, 6 hours ago she announced "in a relationship" with that guy from uni on facebook. When i looked in the mirror i was very pale, she said she would be back wed/thurs and we could hang out. Its Wednesday now, and so i expected she probably meant Thursday, i saw it coming but to be honest it still hit me when i read that. I am not sure how things will be now with her, wether she will contact me or not. I've not done anything wrong.. chances are we will still meet up but the boudaries will be clearly defined and im not sure how i will cope, being selfish i will be always wanting more..

    Well a very eventuful start to the new year soo far, life is full of suprises. I went for it, thing is i wanted to be able to speak to my folks with good news about this. I haven't spoke to them in ages about things, and now all the good times will be masked by the fact that she is in a relationship with someone else.. I'm going off on one now, i will be okay.. i've been here before, just hope i haven't alienated my friends too much, not given any answers to most of them...

    Thanks for listening everyone x

    Sorry to hear that mate. It hurts I know.

    If you don't feel you could handle seeing her right now that's perfectly understandable....if she does get in touch maybe just say you don't feel like hanging out at the moment/have stuff to do?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know if she contacts me i will want to see her, she hasn't really done anything wrong, we were both open about things. She told me about this, i told her do what you have to do. I just might find it a bit unpleasant for a bit.. I have the third matrix film on rent for us to watch this wed/thurs... i would expect some contact from her tomorrow even its just to say sorry... she is a decent girl.. right im off to band practise now. I'll update you tomorrow if i can?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well an update she messaged me whilst i was browding facebook on my phone last night, asking if the matrix had arrived and asking if i still wanting to watch it, she is in town but goes back friday. I guess she will be keeping her word then and meeting me, though under a different context. Maybe she is going to say good bye, i should imagine she will mention him... i am not too upset but im guessing thats becuase in the back of my mind i am to see her tonight... :s
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