If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
New bf hates ex for no reason!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Me and mr riot have been together for nearly 6 months and ever since we got together he seems to have had this hatred towards my ex. He's never met my ex and my ex and me are fairly ok friends - occasionally talking on fb and stuff like that. Mr riot won't come and meet my ex (even though they'd probably really get on) and he hates me talking to him. I'm going to go have coffee with my ex to swap some Xbox games and just catch up. He invited mr riot to come along, and he said no. He seems to think my ex is trying to get into my pants - but I'm 99% sure this isn't the case.
I've tried to reason with him, I've tried everything I can think of.
Any ideas? I think it's really childish that he just doesn't like him because he's my ex, but I'm not going to drop friends just because he doesn't like them - especially when he hasn't even given them a chance!!
I've tried to reason with him, I've tried everything I can think of.
Any ideas? I think it's really childish that he just doesn't like him because he's my ex, but I'm not going to drop friends just because he doesn't like them - especially when he hasn't even given them a chance!!
0
Comments
It's not childish. It's human nature. I couldn't see myself sharing a drink with someone who not so long ago was having sex with my new girlfriend. I think many other people would feel the same :chin:
By all means continue your friendship with him if that's what you want to do, but you are being unreasonable by trying to force your BF to be friends with your ex, or with anyone for that matter. Why is it so important to you that they are friends? :eek2:
I think you'd feel differently if it was his ex inviting you and him for coffee....
I really would not be keen on spending time with my partners ex. I dont care how similar we are. I would feel really horrible about it, and i really dont think my partner would be ok with me being overly chummy with my ex husband
You trying to convince him your ex is lovely is very much not normal.
And if my girlfriend were trying to convince me to like her ex then I'd be running for the hills..
I'm just going to drop it now, I can see that it's no fair and no going to work.
That said, I do have issues. I dont think im childish though
Not always, but I'd say it depends how friendly they are.
That's what i mean, it's always a little red flag, because you never know...
There's no point in thinking 'you never know' about every possible thing your partner might do. It's not healthy. There has to be some trust there. Like if my partner still saw his ex because they're part of the same group of friends that hang out I wouldn't think too much of it. If he was meeting her for coffee or hanging out just the 2 of them then I'd be concerned.
Yes but there is no such thing as trust, as you proved. If you trust someone, you trust them no matter what - whether they're hanging out and having coffee, or being part of the same social group.
Humans cannot be trusted by default as we're all given the ability to lie - specially when we're all driven by what we want.
That's a very pessimistic attitude. Never trust anyone because everyone has the ability to lie?
That's like saying don't expect birds to fly just because they have wings.
It's not pessimistic, it's being sensible - unless someone proves they can be without a doubt trusted.
First rule in life is trust no one.
Yeah that's spot on. The reason i can't trust people, is because i know how bad i can be half the time (Y)
Yeah that's spot on. The reason i can't trust people, is because i know how bad i can be half the time (Y)
Taking into consideration this thread and others, it sounds like there's quite a lot going on between you and Mr Riot at the moment and perhaps now is a good time to try and pause to understand the bigger picture without getting too distracted by the detail?
I get the impression there are questions about the dynamics of your relationship, questions about his social life and friendships - and perhaps fundamentally - questions about your individual understandings relating to boundaries and what you both feel comfortable with or are looking for right now? Feel free to challenge this perception if you think I've got the wrong end of the stick though.
This isn't to say that one of you is right and the other is wrong - it's more to say that it feels like you might need to take some time to recognise these differences and decide whether or not you're willing to meet each other in the middle and compromise on a few things for the sake of a largely good relationship - or on the other hand you may feel that your interactions with each other are repeatedly difficult and upsetting meaning that, at this point in time, you're perhaps not on the same page?
Obviously we're hear to listen to your thoughts and provide some perspectives and insight whatever you're facing. I also wondered whether the 'Listening room' on the couple connection might be worth exploring?
Let us know what you think. *hug*
I can see your point, but also what you are saying is that you know you can be terrible but don't do anything about it and project it onto others?
As an example, my split was amicable enough but if it wasn't for my daughter I would honestly never speak to her or her family again.
this
I think it can be done, but there is a limit to how friendly you can be.
I am still in touch with a couple of my exes. I will always want to know they're ok, and am genuinely interested in what they are doing with their lives now, but I'm happy with the arrangement as it is: Facebook friends and maybe the occasional meet for a drink/chat every couple of years. I don't think we could be closer friends than this, and I wouldn't expect Mr K to understand if we were!
And the title of this thread did make me chuckle. He doesn't hate your ex for no reason. He hates him because he's your ex!
I think it's perfectly possible to be amicable and, apart from with the messiest breakups, you do want them to be happy and getting on with life. A drink or a pizza every so often, yeah. But really good friends? Honestly I don't believe it.
I speak to him about our child and would make small talk, but thats it.
He fucked me over.
Also helps that they are not recent exes. The one I speak to most (still not very often) we broke up in 2001. That's a fair bit of time to get over things.